After Dark

This is a very real problem for me. This is not fiction. I'm not looking for pity, just some of your time to think about my thoughts.

Nerves adapt to pain, they numb to it.

They’re only meant to perceive change.

That’s why you only feel your clothes

When they brush against skin,

Painting sensations onto you.

 

Stare at something long enough,

It’ll fade into nothingness.

Leave something in your mouth

It’ll taste flavorless,

Listen to static,

And it’ll become a ring

In your ear like tinnitus

That you can’t even notice,

Like your own B.O.

That you don’t know exists.

 

Like forgotten cries from your childhood,

Which were screams full of meaning,

Full of needing and of feeling

That left you reeling and bleating

Bleeding out noises,

Any sound that you could

To be understood.

 

The meaning of those screams is lost

On everyone but your mother

Until she can’t remember you from other siblings.

Because her memory faded out,

In the same hospital you’re in now.

 

Maybe life is a kind of pain, and death, an anesthetic,

Like people trying to be sympathetic,

Like when they say, “she’s in a better place now”

After you just saw her lowered into the ground.

But I want to burn for things, and be branded

By the blows of life landed

In memories that never stop pressing

With bruises of lost loves caressing.

I want to be scarred with blessings

Of moments that aren’t worth repressing

Not because they didn’t hurt,

But because they were worth expressing.

Because that infant’s screams meant something.

 

 

I want change no matter how badly it hurts,

I want force myself to be heard in the world,

Like I force meaning into these words.

I want to live. That’s why my advice is:

 

Let your soul sting for as long as you can. One day you won’t feel it. 

Author's Note

On bad news from the doctors. Also, I like my little selfie. I was more of a Romantic then.

Reviews

[Pax]

oh how sad... just take things slowy maybe it will wear out soon... or your just tired... migrane perhaps... its sad to lose sight... even dreadful for us who have lived through it until now then suddenly gone by just an ilness.... so i felt the fear in the piece... don't give up my friend... giving you moral support all the way...

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks Pax. I really hope I'm just worrying, but it's been getting worse over the course of a year, when the same doctor initially diagnosed it as migraine. I don't mind if it stays bad, I just don't want it to get worse. Either way, thanks for the support my friend.

[Pax]

don't worry too much... maybe too much light makes an awful headache... in some... even me... that's why i don't stay out in the sun too much... if it start getting painful ...let it rest... i hope sleep might help...
your most welcome...

[Marie]

This is a first person piece, so you can't very well avoid the use of "I". Your sensory nerves adapt to smellas as well; they don't stay acute. You don't feel wind. Numbness takes over all things. That would be death. Dylyn Thomas said not to go gentle...don't...

[Epipsychologist]

I had that exact poem in mind when writing this. Thank you Marie

[Starfruitanimal]

"That’s why you only feel your clothes when they brush across your skin, painting sensations onto you. If you stare at a stagnant image long enough, it fades into nothingness." This piece of work is absolutely beautiful. moving and painful at the same time. your use of language is eloquent, and the ending I really enjoy but am left lost with whether is positive or negative. either way, great job

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks Starfruit. I'm not certain about the end either, but I'm hoping it's positive.