Empty Threats

It is quite strange how those around me are happier and proud of me as I grow yet it upsets me.  With every bit I grow, with every person that gives me attention it only brings me pain.  I want to be me and me alone, no we, no you and I, I will only be satisfied with just me.  I was the only one there for myself, I was the one who completed these accomplishment, I'm the one growing, or am I actually shrinking?  That does not matter.  Its unfair to suffer at other's joys, using me as an excuse for happiness and celebration.  It will be a shame when I'm gone, who will you celebrate for?  How will you manage to discomfort me then.  It's all empty threats of course. I don't have the will to save myself from this petty situation.  One of many petty situations. I've got problems. Don't get me wrong here, It's not like they aren't aware of my discomfort. I let it be known, believe me I do. I have no one by my side whenever I get turned on, harassed with guilt and reason-less anger.  It's quite selfish celebrating someone else's discomfort is it not.  Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn to.  These empty threats bring me some comfort, knowing one day I might garner the courage and will needed to escape this slow torture.  I don't know if I believe myself sometimes.