How Not To React When A Ditzy Blonde Steals You Frapuccino Because She's In A Hurry To Hit The Mall (Meltdown at Starbucks)

How NOT to lose it when people tick you off

Walking in to Starbucks, Jack sighed with relief. So far, his whole day had been a living…nightmare. Some idiot on the subway took his latte claiming that it was his and that was stolen by him. Then he went to cash a check and it bounced. He knew he had money in his bank account, but they were just being idiots. They finally kick him out for no reason whatsoever…okay, so there may have been a certain obscene gesture involved, but that wasn’t the point. Everyone was out to get him.
He sighed as he walked over and placed his order. The ambience of Starbucks was so calm and serene. Nothing wrong could go here. Except for a baby who just happened to vomit as he turned around. The embarrassed mother apologized and Jack smiled and said it was okay. He could just take his jacket off.
He walked over to the counter and waited for his order. Looking around, he smiled and tried to pretend he wasn’t having an off-day where he was ready to off the first person that ticked him off. He watched the other people. He saw a couple who was enjoying each other’s company. There was some loser trying to score with his classmate as they worked on what looked like a school project. And there was some guy listening to his iPod while enjoying a Frapuccino.
All was good until some bratty five-year-old started throwing a tantrum. He obviously didn’t want to be here. Within seconds, his dad’s hot boiling coffee was all over Jack’s hand-stitched shirt. There was an apology and a smile, and the father took the boy into the bathroom. Jack found it pretty obvious what was going to occur in there. He smiled.
It’s not that he didn’t like kids. He just didn’t like the ones who made it their goal to make havoc in the lives of innocent bystanders. This one headed the list of these tyrants. These kinds of kids would grow up to become the next Hitler’s and Mussolini’s.
Nonetheless, he was finally left alone with a vomit-covered coat and a coffee-stained shirt. It was quite a sight. His plan to stay and relax was thrown out the window thanks to a small child who couldn’t hold down lunch and a little brat who had no public manners. Life’s unfair, isn’t it? But they’re adorable, so that makes it all better, right?
“Uh-oh.”
Uh-oh. Jack didn’t like the sound of that. Uh-oh wasn’t good. In fact, uh-oh meant something to screw up his day even more had just occurred.
”Uh, sir, I’m very sorry. I accidently spilled your frap. I’ll make you another one and this one’s on the house.”
Well, at least something good came out of it. Maybe he should have his orders spilled more often. He could save a fortune.
While waiting for his free iced beverage, Jack browsed the items Starbucks had for sale. There were CD’s, books, coffee mugs, and much more. All with the Starbucks logo on each item.
He heard sniffing and he felt something go up his butt. He turned around to see a dog. A dog? It was a golden retriever. Holding his leash was a blind guy. He smiled and Jack returned it. He leaned down to pet the dog but it growled. So it was okay for the dog to sniff his butt but he wasn’t allowed to pet him.
The blind man smiled and called the dog over. Jack returned to browsing. He left the dog alone so nothing else happened.
Then he got the wet sensation on his leg. Apparently, the dog had a full bladder. Now, his new khaki pants were stained with dog urine. Life was beautiful.
Finally, his frap was finished. He sighed and walked over. Life just got better.
Until she walked over.
She was quite the sight. She looked like she had about three layers of make-up on and she was dressed all in pink. And she was obviously a tanning salon customer. She looked like Paris Hilton with a bad sunburn.
And she was grabbing his frap.
He gained his composure and acted like he wasn’t going to explode and hit the first person he saw.
“Excuse me, miss, but that’s mine.”
“No, it’s mine. I just ordered it.”
“Um…my name is on the side. I don’t think your name is Jack.”
She groaned and let out a little whine.
“Okay, look, like, I am in a hurry, okay? And I’m craving a frapuccino, and I, like, don’t want to wait for mine, so can I please have yours? You can have mine.”
Jack had about all he could take.
“That is mine, not yours, okay? So, like, give me the frap and nobody gets hurt.”
“But I’m in a hurry.”
“Your street corner will always be there. I don’t see why you’re in a hurry.”
The girl didn’t catch his insult.
“Okay, like, I don’t know what you mean by that, but I have to go to the mall, so can I have the frap?”
“No.”
She looked around like she was making sure no one was listening. Then she leaned in, making sure her cleavage was exposed.
“Look, if you have let me have this frap, I’ll make out with you, okay?”
Jack leaned in as well.
“How about you give me the frap and I go home and make out with my broomstick.”
She didn’t catch on to that one either.
“Look, I think you’re cute—“
“And I think you have something that’s mine and I’d like it back. I’ve been through enough crap today and I’m not going to deal with this, either. So give me the frap, you retard, or I get violent!”
She caught on to that one.
“Like, omigod, did you just call me a retard?”
“Do I need to be clearer? How about skank? Do you understand that word?”
She slapped him. It stung but he felt a little better.
“Okay, I am so not going to make out with you now. That was just mean.”
Jack laughed. He had officially lost it.
“Look, I’m tired. I’m thirsty. And I am sick of all of you! All of you! Every single one of you freaking idiots! Idiots!”
He grabbed his frap, which was already melting from being on the counter too long, and walked over to the blonde.
“You like fraps? Here’s one for you!”
He flung it at her. The lid came off and hit her in the face. She stood in shock for a second before she started gasping.
He wasn’t done.
“How about some cookies? I know you love cookies!”
He crumbled them up and poured them all over her top. That wasn’t it. He had a little more in him.
“What about cake? You like chocolate or vanilla? Oh, who cares? I’ll let you have both!”
He took a platter of cake and flung the cake at her.
Finally, the manager heard the commotion and intervened.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. And you’ll need to pay for the stuff you just threw at this young lady. This kind of behavior is inappropriate.”
“What’s the matter?” said a delirious Jack. “Are you jealous that you didn’t get anything? Here’s a muffin, jerk-off!”
That’s when the cops came in.
So, here’s the moral of this story. If a s****y blonde steals your frap, let her have it. And if you’re having a stressful day, steer clear of Starbucks, because if the wrong person ticks you off, you could end up getting arrested.
 

Reviews

[Nuits Macabres]

Wow. So you were the one laughing at me at the Starbucks in Little Tokyo when this happened to me! :P

You had me laughing pretty much all the way to the end. Great story, and your rendition of the plastic bimbo was classic. I feel for Jack... I've been there. Of course, the whole thing happens in my head, but who's splitting hairs?

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I think eveybody knows what it's like to have a bad day, but I don't think bad day is how you could describe Jacks experience. I was already hooked by the title, and when I got to the end of the first paragraph I really wanted to know how Jacks day was going to end (even though I had my suspicions that it was going to end badly). This was a good read.