Falling In Love {Mew; Revised}

I was trying to be a little more obvious about what it was about. Please don't be harsh on this one. I already know it's not that good. Just simply state if you liked it or not. Thanks!

I hide away from the world.

Anger devouring me.

Loveless.

I'm numb.

 

Longing for light,

And missing my friends,

I call you up.

We're inseperable.

 

We are never apart.

Keeping secrets,

Covering lies,

You're my partner in crime.

 

You give me butterflies.

I'm realizing how much I need you.

I truely cannot live,

Without you.

 

Explaining my love is like breathing air

In space.

Impossible.

You're my everything.

 

　

So, don't ask me why I love you.

Just know that I do,

And that I will

For the rest of my life.

Author's Note

Ignore that it was MAJORLY sucky. :/

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

There is nothing sucky when the words the flow onto the page are coming from one's truest feelings. The form and flow of this piece works. I think the underlining of the last 4 lines was a bit overkill... but it did bring the readers focus to the stronger emotions that were woven into those words.

I loved the rhymes you used in the last 4 lines of stanza two. While that style of rhyme is common to the point of cliche, it worked really well in this piece.


Over all Two Thumbs up for an off the emotional heart piece!

Wolfie

[Bee]

I don't think it was majorly sucky...
I thought this was a sweet poem, if dedicated to someone. It uses simple language, and I thought you showed raw emotions effectively. I agree with Matthew Kult Don't be too hard on yourself.. Use your feelings to weave the words together. I think you're doing well with that. Good luck :)

[Ashley.M.E]

Jessi you are a good writer! You just need help xD I'll help you, it isn't that hard o.o then again I love to write so that maybe why... but you can write some really good poems, maybe even stories and books (though I haven't read oen yet because all you have up are poems.) I really like this poem, well done!

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Mew Zombie,

Or if I may Jessi. I ignored that it was MAJORLY sucky. I even ignored the :/. After ignoring everything I came to the realization that I liked it. It's corky, and cute. It shows emotion and brought on a bit of a journey. Well done.

Next time, don't be so hard on yourself.

Regards,

Matthew