yellow plums

walt whitman lies long

in marigolds, savoring

yellow plums: sour-sweet

For the "Can You Haiku?" contest.

Reviews

[Richard Man]

Give Me The Splendid, Silent Sun, Give me a Whitman poem whilst he in marigolds does..... the washing up .....and let me savour the last of his yellow plums and other juicy autumnal fruit, ripe and red from the orchard.
Thanks for this poem it sent me back to read some WW again.

[Dennis A. Clark]

Love that response!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I'm a Whitman fan and a fan of the Haiku, so this is double happiness for me. Actually, I've done a lot of Haiku and Senryu in my time, and even had a few published. I'm enchanted by the amout of texture and detail that can be shown in such a simple, short form. I find that when a poet is "forced" to whittle down something into this format, it truly shows the talent, because it is absolutely not an easy form to write--though many look at it and believe it to be so. Well done.

[Lexi Nicole]

I've always been impressed by people who can master haiku. You are certainly one of them. Lovely work!

[AYVID N]

I picture the brilliance of the yellows! Wonderful imagery!

[Biju Viswanath]

short and sweet

[eglantine]

First off, I adore Whitman. He's phenomenal. Great golden imagery in this poem. Only suggestion would be to replace the word "long." It just doesn't fit... Perhaps 'lost?'

[Dennis A. Clark]

Thanks, Eglantine.

I like "lost" too (and it preserves the vowel sound I was aiming for), yet that word gives a different idea than the one I intended: this W.W. is not lost; he's languid.

I do like "lost," though. Thanks for the feedback.

[Margarette]

This is a well-written haiku. I like the consistency in the flow of idea being presented not like others, in which the counting of syllables only matter. Thanks for sharing!

[Dennis A. Clark]

Thanks, Margarette.

I agree with your "syllable counting" idea. The poem shouldn't be all about the syllables--the syllables are just part of the form.

[Una Xoto]

Very nice piece
as with all great haiku it
speaks volumes. Awsome

[eglantine]

bwhaha clever

[Dennis A. Clark]

A haiku review!

[Steelwine]

I like the ambiguity of the word "lies" in this context. Adds an interesting alternate meaning later reflected in the sourness of the plums. Good work.

[Dennis A. Clark]

I'm glad you picked up on that. I like the verb "lie" for that reason (its double meaning).

[Be myself!]

Good. Makes me want to eat a plum.