Shallow Eyes.

 

 

When I was thirteen, the weight of being a virgin haunted me

Nearly everyone had done it, guys were proud, girls boasted

I kept my head low, bowed in shame

I never even had a boyfriend

I liked guys, but they never liked me, or never admitted

'Cause you see, I was the nobody, the shy girl in the corner, I still am

Now I am sixteen, and I have only ever had three 'proper' boyfriends, now perhaps four

And my longest one lasted a month and a half, can't say I'm proud

Still I find more 'kids' having sex

Losing control of themselves, and never regretting it

Though I'm proud to be a virgin, I'm proud to not be a s**t

I know it's gonna be hard finding a guy who, to be honest, will wait for marriage

Yes, I'm that girl, the Christian one, the one who is waiting for marriage

Good luck finding a guy, right?

I have a guy at the moment, but he's had sex before and he doesn't know my ways

I heard that a guy teased, said I'm a virgin and he's gonna get me first

My boyfriend, apparently got pretty pissed

And I'm not quite sure how to take this, as he's told me nothing

Dad says I shouldn't confront, it's just boy talk

So why do I feel so discomforted?

My boyfriend seems to comment more on my looks, rather than personality

But not once has he mentioned sex, he hasn't even kissed my lips yet

Whereas my ex, the one who mostly commented on my personality

Talked about sex on the first day, though claimed he was willing to wait

Yeah, that's why he did the things he did

People really do act differently when you go out with them

I admit I am more quiet, but my ex changed me for the worse, no-one sees that

I guess I'll keep it to myself, they can continue to think I am shy

Though it pisses me off when they say so, I can get over it

No-one has ever understood me, the things I do, the things I say

Are always for their own amusement

My old group of friends used to put me down for fun,

I let them believe it was true, better them be happy

Like what I always used to say,

"If my pain equals to someone else's happiness, then give me all the pain in the world."

My new group of friends, the ones who I have been with for a year now

Well, they're not much better

But I still would rather putting up with them than being alone, to drown in thought

They're happy, and that's all that matters.

 

 

Author's Note

Began to write a poem, but it lost its structure, kinda turned into a story, then I realised all that I was doing was rambling about my life D: Will be putting it into one of my novels.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

You open the door to many questions. The topic of sex is upfront in the media. Leaving people thinking it is OK. Any human contact can bring sickness and babies. People who desire to use sex as a sport. Don't appreciate the gifts when two people are in love and care for each other. You need the steps of love. Long walks and long talks. Be friends and share victories and losses together. I like your logic. Some people know what is important. Thank you for the very good story.
Coyote

[Writingfox]

haha yes you did begin a poem and let it morph. but anything goes in poetry. I applaud you for not giving up something so precious. yes you can be ridiculed for it but virginity is a good thing and shouldnt be put down. i will be praying for you, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your heart.

[Annie]

Oh Ana, that's amazing! Really beautiful. Don't ever let anyone be down on you because you're a christian. God sees and he has a perfect guy for you waiting somewhere. :)