Chapter Two

Charlie stared at Emi as she stood before him, putting his cigarette in his pocket; maybe he could finish it when he took another break. He stood there in silence, waiting for Emi to inform him on what the favor she needed was though it was another minute before she looked up at him, the corner of her mouth twitching slightly.

"I was wondering if there was anyway that, maybe, you could help me," Emi said, looking at the ground as her fingers ran over the binding of her journal. She shifted on her feet as the nerves in her stomach spread up through her chest. Thinking straight seemed to become impossible as she took a deep breath before continuing. "It'll sound stupid, probably because it is stupid, but it's really important to me that I get this to the group."

Emi mentally cursed as she found herself rambling. She looked down at the journal in her hands, glancing up at Charlie before looking back down at the ground. He didn't say anything as he stared at Emi, seemingly thinking about what she had said. Her heartbeat quickened as she tried to ignore the nerves that threatened to unfold, but they were becoming more unsettling with every passing moment. Emi bit her bottom lip as she frantically went over her thoughts, trying to get her act together. Maybe if she clarified why she was asking for such an odd, though common favor, he would understand.

"It's really for Bill," she quickly explained, hoping to explain her request before having it shot down. Emi felt her face heat up as she mentioned Bill to the security guard. "I would have mailed it to him, but I don't trust the mailing system and this is kind of a personal belonging that I don't want getting lost."

"So, you want Bill to get that journal of yours," Charlie echoed, pointing to the black book in Emi's hands. She nodded, smiling slightly. "I guess I can try to give it to him if you want."

Emi tightened her grip on the book and looked up at Charlie before looking down. Her eyes rested on the journal as she turned it in her hands, running her fingers over the spine. She shifted on her feet again as she thought of how to put her thoughts into the form of words without making everything confusing, something she hardly ever seemed good at doing.

"I was kind of hoping that I could give it to him personally," Emi replied, swallowing hard as she lifted her head to look at him. "I'm not going to be seeing them perform because I don't have the money, but I'm going to be waiting around for when they come out to meet the crowd after the show. They're going back to Germany after this show, so I wanted to give it to him tonight since no one knows when they'll be back in the states again."

"Listen, I can't guarantee that you're going to meet them," Charlie sighed as he stuck his hands in his pockets. "It's all a matter of who can push their way to the front and stay there, and that won't be easy since this is their last show in the states."

"I see..." Emi quietly said, slowly nodding her head in understanding.

Emi knew there was no way she was going to be able to hold her own when in the crowd. It was true that she was always next to the mosh pits during concerts, but that was because she always had her friends with her. When in a crowd by herself, she was always pushed around. It wasn't even that she was small or anything, she just didn't have the backbone to keep herself in her place when people tried to go in front of her. It didn't help that most of her friends avoided going anywhere near the mosh pits or they would disappear halfway through the shows, always leaving Emi to fend for herself.

Emi stared at her journal, biting her bottom lip again. She wanted to give it to him, but she had been hoping that she would be able to talk to Bill as well, explain to him what it was and why she was giving it to him while hoping she wouldn't seem like a creep or anything like that to him. She knew that all the boys got random gifts from fans, and she was sure that she wasn't the first to give one of the boys a journal, but she wanted Bill to read it. It was filled with her thoughts, secrets that not even her best friend knew about. Some could call the book a diary, but Emi considered it to be more of a private journal. To her, diaries and journals were completely different. She never started each new thought with 'Dear Diary' like she had when she was eight. Journals were more private, more personal. When Emi had kept a diary as a child, she had only written in it once a week, if that. She never could write her thoughts out when she wasn't really writing them to someone. Everything in the journal was written to Bill, almost as if she was telling him about everything that had happened in the last year of her life. Almost like a story or a movie told in the eyes of the main character.

When Emi had bought the journal, she had no intentions of filling it from beginning to end. She never thought about giving it to Bill, of even writing everything inside it to him. It all just happened. She went from writing in it a few times a week to a few times a day. Her nose was always in her journal, writing about everything and anything that may have happened. If anyone else had found the journal and even read a single entry, Emi didn't know what she would have done. There was only one person who knew that the journal was written to Bill, and that was her best friend. But even her best friend had never seen the inside, knew anything that Emi shared within the pages of the little black book. Her friend was the one who had suggested that Emi should give it to Bill if she ever got the chance, but they were both only joking about it. After a few more months of spilling out her thoughts and secrets, Emi had taken her friends words seriously, she just didn't think she would ever get the chance. Bill lived in Germany, she lived in the United States. There was no way she was going to mail the journal, and the chances of Tokio Hotel performing anywhere near her was extremely slim. This show was the closest one to her, and even then it was almost a five hour drive for her to get there.

"I'll see what I can do," Charlie suddenly said with a sigh, drawing Emi from her thoughts. "But I'm not making any promises, got it? If you don't get to give that to Bill tonight, you'll have to wait until they come back to the states."

Emi looked up at Charlie and smiled. Her grip tightened on her journal as she looked up at Charlie. If she hadn't of been so nervous about talking to him, afraid that he would change his mind and tell her no, Emi probably would have hugged him.

"Thank you so much," she whispered. "This is really important to me. You really have no idea..."

Charlie just nodded and pushed himself off the wall of the building he had been leaning against. He started walking back toward the crowd to where Earl was waiting for him.

"Like I said, I'm not making any promises," Charlie said as he walked away, not bothering to look back at her.

Emi simply nodded, still smiling at him.

----
Charlie walked around the crowd to get to the front, pausing every so often to tell individuals to calm down or to tell them to get out of the streets. It wasn't until he got back to the front of the crowd that he remembered he had said he would get Earl something to drink. He didn't say anything when Earl looked at him. Earl didn't question him about why he came back without anything for them to eat or drink, though Charlie could see the curiosity in Earl's eyes. Charlie could have cared less if Earl had of actually said anything, he just wanted the day to be over so that he could go home and get some sleep.

He let out a sigh as his eyes drifted over the crowd.

"We only have another four hours," Earl suddenly said, moving from his spot to stand next to Charlie. "What took you so long on your break? Surely it doesn't take that long to have one cigarette, does it?" Charlie could hear the amusement in Earl's voice and was aware of his gaze, but he didn't say anything. "Who was the girl?"

Charlie looked over at Earl with a slight frown and shrugged.

"Just some random fan of Tokio Hotel," Charlie answered, not really sure why it was any of Earl's business, or why he was even answering his question. "She wants to give something to one of the boys."

"Did you tell her no like you did to everyone else who asked?"

He didn't have to look at Earl to know that the man was frowning. Unlike Charlie, Earl always tried to help people get personal belongings and gifts to the bands that came through. Earl didn't understand why Charlie always told everyone that they couldn't help. It may have taken a little bit more effort than they liked, but Earl liked going home knowing he helped someone get something to a band member. He couldn't understand why Charlie was so against it, but Charlie had never taken the time to explain anything to him.

"I told her I couldn't make any promises, not to get her hopes up," Charlie answered after a moment of silence. Earl nodded and shifted his weight onto one foot.

"Maybe she'll get to give it to them when she sees them perform tonight," he said, thinking about how some people would throw things onto the stage for bands.

"She's not going to see them perform," Charlie suddenly said. Earl looked at him in shock; he hadn't expected Charlie to continue the conversation, but he wasn't about to question his coworker. Charlie sighed and continued. "She came out here to give some book to Bill or something. She said she didn't trust the mailing system or whatever, but she doesn't have the money to see them perform."

"And you told her not to get her hopes up? Why didn't you offer to give it to him for her?"

"She wants to give it to him herself," Charlie answered with a shrug. "Must be personal or something, a chick thing."

Earl was staring at Charlie in silence and Charlie sighed as he rolled his eyes.

"No, we are not sneaking her in to see the show," Charlie said sternly.

"I never said such a thing," Earl replied as he looked away, sounding a bit defensive. "I just don't see why you don't like helping people out when they're in these kinds of situations."

"What do you want me to do? I'm not a miracle worker, you know."

"No one ever said you had to be a miracle worker, but you could at least try to help people instead of telling them all no."

Charlie rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples as he listened to Earl.

"Like I said, what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know, say yes for once?" Earl suggested with a shrug. "I mean, she isn't even going to be able to see them perform, for heaven's sake. You could be nice and at least try to help her get the book to Bill. It's not like it'll kill you."

"Why don't you help her then?"

"She asked you for help, not me."

Charlie shook his head.

"You're too nice."

"At least I'm nice."

Charlie didn't say anything as his eyes narrowed in annoyance. Neither of them said anything more, waiting for the next few hours to pass.

----
Emi sat down on the hood of her sister's car, leaning back on the windshield as she flipped through the pages of the journal. Her eyes skimmed through the entries, reading everything she had written. She couldn't believe she was so close to giving it to Bill. She knew that she would miss the journal the moment it was in Bill's hands, but she couldn't back down now. Almost two years of her life were in this little book, everything from the best moments to the worst. All her anger, happiness and pain were poured into her words. She had never mean to let her emotions flow onto the pages, but she couldn't take them back now.

Tear apart what is left, you blood is what I taste. Here I am, in the flesh, meet your killer in the face. Ha ha ha, he he he, what a pretty little sight. Now you're gone, it's too late. We will never be the same...

Emi closed the journal as her phone went off, and she pulled the little device from her purse next to her. She smiled when she saw her friends name displayed on the screen and she pressed the 'talk' button before holding her phone to her ear.

"'Ello, love," she said with a smile, trying not to laugh. "What's up?"