Silent Scream

In this vast universe

I trapped in darkness

The days have become endless nights

Accompanied by great silence

I learned to swim with misery

In the ocean of tears

But when a light touched me

Soon I realized 

The hope has no hears

Reviews

[JayG]

One of the problem with talking TO the reader is that the meaning of the words is clear to you, who have intent and context, but meaningless to a reader. When you say: "In the vast universe I trapped in darkness," You have an intended meaning the reader should take. But there are an infinite number of meanings a reader COULD take. And since their background is far different from yours, and you give no guidance meaningful to them; and since they know nothing about yours, what are the odds that the words will bring up the same mental picture in the reader's mind that you hold in yours?

And if you lose them in the first two lines, what can they take from the poem but that someone they know nothing about is saying, "My life sucks, for unstated reasons?"

The key is invite the reader in, not talk TO them. Instead of telling them that your arm hurts, for example, Make them feel that pain in THEIR arm. Make it relevant to THEM. As E. L. Doctorow puts it, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

I wish my news was better, but...you did ask. 😢

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Meshalini]

Thank you so much for this honest review. I'll make sure I write a better poetry next time.

[Cara]

Hope is an amazing thing. We shouldn't lose it because it's the only thing that can pull us back from the darkness we trap ourselves in. I'm in a dark spot right now, and I felt every word you said. Thank you for sharing.

[Meshalini]

Thank you so much for your time to read and review!!!

[Coyote Poetry]

The words direst, honest and true. You allowed the reader to feel the struggle and the willingness to accept less. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Meshalini]

Thank you so much coyote!!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Meshalini.