My dear Mom

This story revolves around my mother, and her last days here on earth. Miss her tons.

          This picture is truly meaningful to my person. My mom had had a tough year, back in 2016. Her cancer started spreading more, and even though they tried slowing down the growth, her body was losing many proteins and essential vitamins, as her pancreas and liver, were no longer absorbing the nutrients, that her body, needed to be fully functional.  She fought long and hard, through it all, and even when Death seemed so near, she would still fight to stay among the living.

            On this particular day, I had just gotten back from work, and was walking into the house, when I saw my mom, sitting in this very spot.  I went straight towards her person, and gave her a big hug and smile.  She hugged me back, and I looked around at the sky.  The sun was starting to set, and the birds were flying about, looking where to sleep.  The grass was very green, and my mom, looked quite content being there,  in the middle of her garden. taking in the last bit of sun.

            After her last hospitalization, she was told that there was nothing much the doctors could do for her, but make sure that she was as comfortable as could be and that she was surrounded by her family.  She believed in God, and kept proclaiming that she was healed, and that this cancer would not be her end. See, she was on a mission.  Before she went to be with the Lord, she stated that she wanted us, to work out our differences and unite together, and stay together, once she was gone.

              Due to the fact that my dad, has been instigator of abuse, towards my mother and I, there was lots ,that I had to work on, in regards to being able to forgive and move onward.  And she tried to get us to forgive each other, and be the father and daughter that we would need to be, but if anything we managed to avoid as much conflict as possible, but outside of that, we still were not seeing eye to eye on lots of things.

              I know that this was her last attempt in saving the family she had always wanted us to be, yet in the end, I told her I would do my best but could not promise, that we would be as close as she and I had become.  I loved my mother so, and miss her each new day. She had her own faults and misconceptions, yet I learned to see past these, and still love her. No one is perfect nor was she, and she did her best to raise us well, and make sure we knew that she also loved us.

              During her last year, on this earth, her body grew very weak, and she started losing her mobility. She could no longer walk without aide, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not eat what she used to eat, and less enjoy the small things, like her warm milk, and sweet bread.  The one thing she loved to do on days that she was up to walk, was to get on downstairs and walk around her garden. She loved her plants and fruit trees. She would also check to see, if everything was clean and tidy.  And she was a tad stubborn at times and would prefer to be left alone, because she hated the fact that her body was growing weak, and she did not like being seen as an ill person.

              I admired her stamina to continue being independent, and doing things for herself. Yet it got to the point in which, her legs would no longer cooperate, and she would never be left alone.

And the last few weeks of her life, were the toughest yet to see. As the light in her eyes, started growing dimmer, and no longer did she know the time of day, or remember if she had eaten.  So on this particular day, it was a sunny afternoon, in the month of December, in which I found her outside of the house, sitting in the middle of the garden.

              My mother was the type of woman, that always wanted to be seen, as beautiful, and would do her make up, up until she could no longer make straight lines in her eyes.  And when I saw her, sitting there, I felt moved to take this picture. She fussed about, saying her hair was a mess, and I told her, that she looked beautiful.  I begged her to let me take this picture, and finally she conceded.

              So, as I got in position, and knelt on the grass, she told me to wait, and fixed up her hair, and asked if she should remove her glasses. I told her to leave them on, and asked her to smile big.  Took three shots, and then, the last one, I was in, and she asked to see the pictures. She told me which to keep and which to delete and I stayed with her for a couple of more minutes. We both saw the last of the sun, and then it started getting too chilly for her.  I helped her up from the chair, and she took one last glance around her.  I marveled at how attentive she was to every tiny detail. 

                At this point, I wondered in my mind, if this would be her last time, out of her room, and if she perhaps knew.  For she took a little longer, to finally go back upstairs to her little room.

And once there, I laid her down and covered her with her blankets, and told her how much I loved as she looked at me, with those big eyes, and said, she loved me too.  

                She managed to make it to 75th birthday, which was the 26th of January of this year, and after that, she lived one more week before she bled to death.  In her last days, she started hallucinating, and acting as if nothing was wrong, and would ask for her purse and keys to go to the supermarket.  It hurt, seeing how she was no longer that strong minded woman, I grew up with, tough and strict in some ways, yet always striving to do her best.

                 So as you can see, this picture, holds much meaning, at least to me.  She was the Mother, only one, that I called Mom, and she meant the world to me. Once I understood, where she came from, I was able to forgive her, and love her so.  I was not the perfect child neither, but in the end, we both were able to mend our brokenness and form a bond beyond no other.

                 Her name was Eugenia de Fernandez and she was a sweet, and gentle soul, always making sure to teach my brother and I good manners.  And above all to Love and respect each other and treat everyone else, as we would like to be treated ourselves.

                 And she continues to live on within our hearts and soul and mind. Love you Mom, today and forevermore.

            

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

What an absolutely beautiful tribute to your mother. The picture shows her beauty before you see the pain. I'm glad you have such a wonderful memory of this day with her. Her wish for you and your father to resolve old issues is one that was probably in her heart for many years, but do not feel guilty that it couldn't happen. Some people are unforgivable except by Christ. You are lucky to have had her for as long as you did, and I hope this picture has an honored place on a wall in your home.

[Maria]

I will be honest, I have kept this picture on my phone and have not printed it out yet, but am working on gathering all the pictures I can, that were taken digitally and having a special album made in honor of my mothers life. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement as well.