Ramblings

Just getting things off my mind

Thinking, rambling, gambling...

Mine, yours, his,

Timing, consuming, wasting away...

His, hers, yours...

Processing, mentoring, seeking...

Hope, dreams, goals,

Frustrating, orchestrating, finalizing,

into nothingness.

Work, school, home,

kids, parents, time consuming.

Money, achievements, awards...

Satisfying, not really...

Life, Love, Death...

Straightforward, mesmerizing...

Birth, growth, maturing...

and live for what?

Pardon, the commas and grammatical

errors, if you see them...

but I do not even care, for my mind,

is under siege, for too much thinking

and concentrating, on finding a solution

to my never ending frustrations,

in regards to managing my money,

in order to survive, and provide at the same time.

Not sure why, but this, is something, i truly 

despise, doing and or thinking about.

I want to be independent, but not foolish.

And I feel stupid, and dumb for not 

being able to accomplish or 

go onward, past this challenge.

I want to give up! Quit yet the other side of me

keeps on fighting, and telling me to go onward,

no matter what, plus I have a human being that is still depending on me...

I need help and good sound advice, maybe some

comprehension, could be a plus. but I hate when

am referred to as selfish, for having issues, that not everyone can relate to.

Yet, in the end, if I want to better my finances, I must cut off on using a taxi and start taking the bus again.

Thing is, getting on a bus, is a challenge for itself, and its not that I love being selfish or cowardly, but I simply cannot stand, having to be near farmers and men that simply are too rough looking and stink like crap.  

Not that they can help it if they have been working under the sun, but what I despise most

is when they try and use the movement of the bus as an excuse to rub off on women, girls and even toddlers, if they are standing or even sitting down.

And I tend to fight back, but I am well aware that my fighting back, can get me killed even, yet, is it truly selfish, my not being able to stand this type of injustice?

I am rambling out of my mind, trying to ease this stress and look at the positive vs the negative...

And this is a never ending cycle, that I have commenced and am seeking a way out of as well.