SABINE

Nimo Pratt meets Sabine

     It was eleven a.m. when Pratt walked out of the apartment.  It was a pleasant day, approximately seventy-five degrees.  Feeling famished, he decided to take a walk to a cafe on Avenue A and E. 7th St.  There was an available table outside, and although he disliked eating outdoors, he took it anyway.  It was crowded inside and the the tables were too close together.  A befreckled waitress with strawberry blonde hair shoved her ample cleavage under his chin and asked what she could get for him.  His spectacles fogged up immediately so he removed them and began wiping them with his handkerchief.

     "Can I bring you something to drink while you look at the menu?"

     "Um...yes...I'll have an herbal tea and a 7-up," replied Pratt.
 
     "You got it, sweetie."

     Pratt stayed away from anything with caffeine in it, as his nerves would not permit.  He had a bad experience with Coca-Cola once and decided he would abstain thenceforth.  He studied the menu and found an interesting sandwich comprised of tofu and sliced pear on a Portuguese roll with mint jelly on the side.  It was called the Minty Toe.

     "Excuse me," a female voice said, interrupting Pratt's thoughts.  He looked up to see a young woman with long black hair looking down at him with a smile on her face.  "Are you Dr. Nimo Pratt, the zoophytoplanktonologist from Woods Hole, Rhode Island?"

     Completely startled, he began hyperventilating.  He took out his inhaler and took in the metallic air.

     "Are you alright?" she asked almost in a panic herself.  He was not accustomed to women accosting him on street.

     "Yes, I'm fine.  It's my asthma."  Her fragrance overwhelmed his senses.  He then got into a fit of sneezing because he was allergic to perfume.  "I have allergies, too."  Pratt said miserably.

     "I'm Sabine Gallows.  I attended your symposium on the coccoliphorid at NYU.  Congratulations on winning the Nobel Prize in Marine Biology last year."

     "Thank you."  He felt himself blushing so he cleared his throat so she might not notice.

     "Are you teaching in the city,  Professor?"

     "Actually, I'm taking a respite before taking a position in New Zealand this fall."

     "That's wonderful!" she exclaimed.

     Pratt asked her to join him and regretted it after she agreed. He ordered the Minty Toe and Sabine told the waitress she'd have a cup of coffee and a buttered bagel.  Freckles McBusty wrote this on her pad and walked away.

     They had a pleasant conversation about a common interest in nanoplankton.  After about ten minutes she realized she would be late for class so she told Pratt she had to go.

     "Well, listen, Professor.  If you're not doing anything tonight, I'd like to invite you to my fiancee's restaurant.  It's opening night."

     "Sure, sure.  That sounds just fine," Pratt replied.  He was disappointed to hear that she was engaged.

     "Great.  It's called Sammael's Seafood Restaurant in Hell's Kitchen.  Be there by six thirty.

     "Alright Sabine, thank you," He said as she rushed off to teach her class.

Reviews

[Meat of Dog]

I liked Pratt from the start; I have a weird affinity for nervous, frail characters. The Coca-Cola thing made me laugh! I’ve read a lot (and I mean a lot) of writing on this site so it’s cool to run into something that breaks the norm. You did a good job introducing him and the exposition of who he is in the dialog. It was very neat and orderly. Exposition dumps tend to be a terrible bore and usually aren’t done right through straight beginning dialog but you didn’t have a problem here. There was also good humor. The joke I mentioned before got me, as well as ‘Freckles McBusty’. Hilarious.

Suggestions:

“He was not accustomed to women accosting him on street.” This confused me a little bit. I think you’re missing the word ‘the’ (the street) but isn’t he in a restaurant? Or do they have one of those outdoor seating areas? Nitpicky I know.

"Are you teaching in the city, Professor?" Extra space.

“fiancee's restaurant” Fiancée’s.

[Mockingbird]

thank you for an encouraging review. you're right, i did miss putting the article 'the' in front of 'street.' and i just noticed the extra space. my typing isn't so great. i do like to create characterization through dialogue and other methods besides exposition, as you said. i'm so happy you recognized that. and yes, he was sitting outside the cafe as i mentioned in the fourth sentence of the paragraph. i'm not good with computers so i don't know how to append an accent grave or accent ague. can you tell me how i could put that diacritic on over the letters?

i really like this character nimo pratt, i've been working on him for many years. i'm glad you recognized right away the type of character he is. he is a complex character, and i have so many ideas for him, but this story is basically the one i gravitate toward most.
i don't get much constructive criticism and i appreciate your feedback. it means a lot to me.
on a side note, i have retired mockingbird and started a new account with another of my aliases, mia sparrow. i've just started writing short stories, and i have work that i would like to have serious criticism on, if you are interested in reading my more recent work.
again, thank you so much, meat of dog. take care.

[Meat of Dog]

Oh! Sorry I missed that I went back and read it again and saw it. I'll pay better attention next time (a little sleepy, heh). What kind of writing program are you using? MS Word does it naturally for you as an auto correct feature. I'm not sure how to add them manually. And any time! You're welcome! I really admire this site, I found it after Urbis went down and I think the interface is very usable and well constructed so I read a lot of stuff on here and appreciate every review I get because I know how they help me to develop so I make a point to give good, well thought criticisms. While 'hey good job' is nice it isn't very helpful. Add me as a friend with your new account and send me read requests, it's the easiest way for me to receive new things to read/ remember to read them. Take care too!