THE BIGGER PERSON

A poem stemming from dealings I still must have with someone I no longer want a connection with...after divorce.

THE BIGGER PERSON

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

From day one,

from the day he

broke my soul

and shattered my heart,

pulverized it into fine power,

no pieces left

to put back together...

 

From day one,

from the day

I had to speak

to his W***E

and humiliate myself

by retelling my story

to an officer of the law,

only to see compassion

in his face,

and hear protection

in his voice...

 

From day one,

from the moment

the walls of my life

came crumbling down

around me,

disintegrating everything

I knew

everything I held dear...

 

From day one,

from the moment

I tried to give it my all,

when he agreed to

seek help,

the whole while,

his heart and mind

already long since

divorced from me,

evicting any drop

of love left for me...

 

From day one,

when finally walking

through courtroom doors,

feeling like

'dead man walking',

to make this failure

 

and his great sin

known

and officially put

asunder...

 

From day one,

I was told

how to behave,

how to speak,

what to say,

and even how to feel.

 

I was told to always be

the bigger person,

to remain always

a Lady.

 

I was told not to

argue back,

not to bother

defending myself,

even through

the brimming of

my righteous

indignation.

 

From day one,

I truly did my best

considering the

emotional cripple

I had now become,

the emotional cripple

HE had helped

turn me into.

 

But no one understood

the extent of MY pain,

a pain which became

a benzine fire,

indistinguishable,

a toxic fire

which simply

fed on my growing

anger,

and lack of

being understood.

 

And all the while

I just wanted...

 

I just wanted...

to scream,

to break everything

in my path.

 

I wanted to BECOME

destruction,

to make him bleed,

to devour and ruin

the very thing

that meant the most

to him,

I wanted to dismember

and extinguish...

 

HER!

 

But, Karma seemed to

have pity on me

and became

my avenger,

my one defender,

 

while I ignored my

instincts,

and silenced the

delicious, sinister

fantasies of vengeance,

and walked past my

festering impulses,

and kept the

blood curdling

rage at bay...

 

while I continued

to pacify my fury

at my every word,

my every posture,

my every reaction

always being

WRONG.

 

I continued down

the depleting path

to being...

 

the bigger person.

 

 

 

 

 

-by Mercurychyld

Copyright 13 March 2012

Tuesday

Author's Note

This is a release, if you will, stemming from an unwanted connection with an ex that I still must maintain and the frustration of that situation and the expectations put on me.

Reviews

[Michael X]

heartache is the suffering before the understand, to such sweet sorrow,
sometimes the bugger person is the one who has to walk away,
your form is so precise that it strikes me poetically artistic, the meaning
holds a depth that imparts a sense of new found knowledge,
you have talent for writing, keep it up ^_^