Fallen Dreams Chapter One- Icy Blue Eyes

⮚Icy Blue Eyes⮘

Present

    Her feet pattered lightly on the vinyl wood floor as she made her way to a room in the farthest corner of the house. When she entered, she looked about at bodies scattered across the floor. She lay her gaze upon one man wearing a blue tuxedo and black skinny jeans. The man was bloodied and had a large gash through the neck. Soon, he slowly contorted to his feet and spoke in a gravelly tone. “Took you a while.” He said as a grin swept across his face. The girl looked the man over as she spoke coldly. “I can’t help taking so long when the bride struggled so much. She kicked me in the stomach several times, so I had to break her legs before the removal of the head.” She frowned beneath the bandana that she wore around her mouth and nose as she lifted up the head of a bride. The bride’s face was filled with fear, and her eyes were open. It seemed she was frozen in the moment of death. “Nice work, Fallen.” The man spoke as he outstretched his hand to the head, wanting a better look at it. Fallen huffed as she handed over the head, but she felt no remorse for the bride. “It was supposed to be one of the happiest days in her life too.” She said as she scoffed. Her icy blue eyes met the bride’s cold, emotionless brown eyes, causing her to look away. The man nodded to Fallen and spoke. “Well, I suppose you can leave now, you brought me the head as I asked.” Fallen turned quickly on her heel, walking out of the room hurriedly. When she stepped outside, the bright sunlight seemed to make her eyes glow. 

Fallen proceeded to head to a small store in the corner of town. When she entered, a man with dark brown hair, white jeans, and a white shirt greeted her warmly. “Good to see you again, Miss Fallen!” Fallen glared at him and said nothing as she approached a shelf lined with cleaning products. She took a bottle of fabric cleaner and walked up to the cash register, setting it down as she spoke. “Hello, Maurice.” She exhaled deeply as Maurice spoke. “Fabric cleaner? You almost always buy this. Trying to clean blood from your clothes?” He said jokingly and laughed as he scanned the cleaner. She glared at him and said nothing more. When she grabbed the bottle of cleaner, a man ran into the store yelling. “That is the girl! About five four and looks to be about thirteen! She has those cold, blue eyes, that red hair like fire, and is the same build as the girl in this picture!” He shouted at Fallen as he held up a wanted sign. Without thinking, she took off running past the man. She swiveled in and out of alleys and then stopped when she reached a corner. Breathing heavily, she listened for footsteps or any sign of someone following her. When she heard nothing, she sat down against a grimy brick wall. She stayed in the alley for nearly three hours, and by that time, it was dark.

 She began to walk out of the alley when an icy, cold hand grabbed her arm and pulled her back. Another cold hand covered her mouth as it pulled her away from the exit of the alley. Thinking quickly, she let a knife in her sleeve fall into her hand and lodged the knife deep into the hand covering her mouth. A man’s yelp was heard as both hands released her. She turned around quickly and pulled a roundhouse to the man’s head. A thunk was heard as the man slammed into the wall and fell to the ground. In a loud whisper, the man quickly spoke. “S-Stop! Please stop! Let me explain!” Fallen wanted to kill the man right then and there, but she wanted answers more. “Explain.” She ordered coldly as she bent down and held a knife to the man’s throat. She still didn’t know what he looked like, for it was too dark. He tried moving backward away from the knife, only to find it pressed deeper into his throat. “Who are you and how do you know me.” She scolded the man as she waited for an answer. “Araysh’s clan." He spoke in a whisper. Her eyes widened when she heard the dreadful name, Araysh. “You didn’t answer my question!” She yelled as she pressed the knife deeper into his throat, drawing a slight bit of blood. “O-ok ok!” He whimpered as he began to speak. “I can't say my name, but I know what happened on the day when you fought for the throne. How are you still here? Didn’t you die?” She released the knife from the man’s neck slightly, remembering the tragic day where her best friend had betrayed her and remembering her untimely death. She thought quickly to the man in the blue tuxedo then responded. “No, I didn’t die. I am still here after all.” She said coldly as she put the knife to the man’s throat once more. “Are you sure? A knife to the heart sounds pretty lethal to me. How did you come back?” The man questioned. Fallen, not knowing what to say, stood up. “If you are truly eager to know, you will find me again.” She challenged the man. “Find me again and I will answer the questions you have, but until then, don’t speak of me.” She darted off, and the man could no longer hear her. “Trust me, I will find you again, Miss Fallen.” He spoke to himself as he stood, wiping away the blood from his neck, and disappearing into the night.

Author's Note

I do apologize for any grammar mistakes. I am still learning! But please, if you have any ideas on how to improve this chapter and future ones, please let me know!

Reviews

[Sir Aphid]

It's good, and interesting. Your dialogue is good. I like the main character, and I like that she can do roundhouse kicks to the head. The first little bit was kind of grim, but that's ok. I feel bad for the bride.

First off, you should familiarize yourself with paragraphs. You need to start a new paragraph every time you switch to a new topic. It's also common practice to start a new paragraph every time a new speaker is speaking. When you have too many speakers talking in one paragraph, the reader can get confused as to who is saying what. Just something to think about. I think you're doing a good job. Just keep writing and always push yourself to do better. Thanks for writing.

Here is a link to some information on paragraphs: https://theeditorsblog.net/2011/03/15/writing-basics-the-paragraph/

[Vertigo Cat1111]

I'm really happy I went and looked at more of your writing, because wow. Not only can you write poems but stories too! The writing is very detailed and intricate and I wanna see more of the characters! I see that this was posted a few weeks ago, and I think I can see you've already improved! The dialogue is amazing, the last part is kinda SCARY, and makes me wanna know more, and the descriptions of the characters are wonderful! I don't know if you're gonna continue this one, but I can't wait to see what you write next! Hope your doing well. (:

[Rose]

Thank you so, so very much! It means a lot! I too, hope you're having a day as amazing as you are! ❤️

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Awww really, thank you (: 💕💕💕