Numb

Verse

I got too much time to kill

My mind’s a prison, I wish it’d kill

I think too much if thoughts could kill

Man, I wish the kill was real

Sitting in the seat of your car, praying to crash

Hoping that the peace you need comes at last

Wondering how you gonna leave without dying

Realize that no matter what, there’s no point in trying

I’m never good enough, never alright

There’s a difference between living and staying alive

Not a suicidal heart, just a suicidal mind

But if death comes knocking, I might not put up a fight

Too far on the edge, walking on twine

Losing my balance, losing my sight

I’m trying my best, can you call my lifeline?

To fall would be easier, but the light I need to find

Is somewhere ahead, that’s the state of my head

When I lay down my head, it’s all darkness instead

I feel so alone, real life on read

People always see me but nothing is said

My eyes are red, just the bloodshot, you see

It brings out the hazel with the cost of no sleep

All I ever do is think and  think

And I think when I think maybe I’m the weak link

I’m crowded inside, the voices getting louder

My life is a war and I’m losing every battle

I tried to speak up, but I was shot down

“Just don’t listen to ‘em” but I always drown

The doctor said? F**k what the doctor said

Let him spend a day caught up inside my head

Anxiety killin’ me, dyslexia hurts

Bipolar sucks major, but the razor works

Breakdown

I got the scars that you’ll never see

Deep in my heart, I find love when I bleed

Kissing all the razors though, was never good for me

But it was always there when you weren’t there for me

I seek and I find I can sleep when I die

But I’m too scared to die and it kills me night

Scared of what I can’t see, in the dark I can’t see

I guess you could say that I’m afraid of what I can’t be

I’m constantly scared, I’m controlled by anxiety

Living this way ain’t a life, but it’s my reality

I’m in love with this pain, it reminds me that I feel

At the same time, I just wish it would kill

I’ve been holding on, live to see another day

I’ve fallen apart, struggling on what to say

It’s okay to give up as long as you come back again

I just lost myself, s**t I feel numb again

Author's Note

This is a remix of the song "Numb" by Phora, but the message is kinda the same. I recommend the original, but this is my version.