Awakening

A conversation in my head

Brought upon a wave of tears

I never knew I had

A self loathing I wish didn't exist

And an anger I tried to keep suppressed

It was like none I've ever experienced

I hid behind the facade of a false smile

Convincing even myself that I am happy

I am not.

"Don't let me fall!" I begged

As the dark tendrils of depression

Snatched and tugged at me

Scratching, slicing and bruising everywhere

They came in contact with

But I was alone and so

No one came.

I had pushed them all way

Lashing out

Yelling, screaming fighting

Blaming them all because

I was afraid to admit the things I falsely accused them of...

I was only guilty of myself

Now here I lie on my bedroom floor

Crying my eyes out

Having a conversation with myself

Of the full year of nothing I've done

Since my one accomplishment

I hate myself

Because I am angry with myself

I punish myself

Because it is my penance for hurting others

I cry alone

Because I was lost in my daydreams

Of one day finding a love like no other

As if I were Aurora awaiting in dark slumber

Her prince.

I am not a princess.

I am not where I wish to be.

I'm angry with myself.

So I'll change me.

The conversation I had in my mind

Not only brought tears and anger

But a sense of peace

An awakening, my awareness of a me I couldn't see