The vampire's obsession

This is not done and I'm not sure where I am going with this story remember to review and comment

The vampires obsession

The silence throughout the compounds abandoned halls was deafening. Four males Sean, Alex, daniel,and Tristan navigated the twisting halls descending deeper within the compound the men soon stop in front of a bolted door. Tristan began to speak to sean. Kid now that you're one of us it's time we show you what it is we keep from getting out of the compound. Tristan unbolted the door slowly opening it and motioning the others to enter. The room was dimly lit within the senter of the room nelt a man covered in chains connecting to the ceiling,walls,and floor. The man's eyes were closed and he appeared not to be breathing but as soon as Sean set foot within the room the man’s eyes flew open and he began to struggle against the chains Alex Tristan and Daniel all appeared shocked by this. Alex stated that the man hadn't moved in years. The mans eyes were filled with rage he started to scream and yell why are you covered in HER sent I'll rip you apart for ever going near HER! his eyes never leaving Sean. The others quickly ushered Sean out of the room quickly shutting and locking the door as soon as they were out of the room. Sean gave them a confused and questioning look. Tristan answered Sean's silent question. His name is Gabriel he's a vampire and a few years ago we had a minor hiccup and he escaped. He began to stalk a little girl named Lyla. He would visit her in the dead of night every night he soon found himself in love with her he did whatever she asked. She was the only reason we were able to capture him without casualties. When we looked her over we found that he hadn't fed off her at all he didn't turn her ether. Judging from how he reacted you've had contact with her haven't you?

Reviews

[PaulB]

I'm afraid I struggled with this. You don't indicate the start and end of the dialogue - it's hard to know when someone is speaking. Names should start with a capital letter ie 'Sean' not 'sean'. The story itself seems interesting, but your audience won't take something seriously, if they find it difficult to follow.