Black Rose

I don't really know, I wrote it looooong long time ago. Lol

A black rose,
You set upon her coffin..
Her pinned-black coffin..
That quotes..
"You broke me I'll break you too.."
Nobody found out who quoted the quote...
But you broke her...And she broke you..
But you broke her more than she thought,
So you broke her heart,
And made her fall..
And so now you set this black rose,
Upon her naked chest..

Author's Note

Seriously, just tell me what you think...

Reviews

[OnceUponATimeWriter]

I like the poem and it brings across the image very well. I would only say that it feels a little overwhelming, like you are saying too much in too little a space. Maybe lengthen it? But for your age this is really good. I would not have been able to write this at 14. Keep it up!

[Melody]

The coffin was literal but the naked chest was metaphorical, a stain to the heart. Or in this case, a stain to a dead heart.

[selkietales]

I really enjoyed this, it was very good! The only thing is that you said he put the rose on the coffin and then you said he put it on her naked chest. One, that's changing locations. Two, why is she naked in her coffin? Or am I taking this too literally... Anyway, this was awesome.

[Gone]

This is amazing. I love the way you make the reader imagine the whole scene. I feel a twist to the meaning, it's, all in all, and amazing poem! You have a talent.

[Owlgirl]

Very deep and emotion filled eerie poem. Sometimes the equivilant of a heartbreak, on emotional term, can feel like dying would be simpiler. I love the complexity in the poem and your use of puntuation as well. Excellent poem.

[nigrum homonculus]

yet again your imagery is just crazy. you have such an active imagination. and even if this poem is old you have developed A LOT. crazy your 14. your poetry will only improve with age. keep at it!