Triumph At The Castle of Malin

This is a children's story that I wrote years ago. I've always loved fantasy and adventure and this is one of the things that was born of that love.

Triumph at the Castle of Malin

 

By

 

Melissa Kesead

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

 

 

            Daniel had just reached the age of ten when the battle began.  His mother, Gwendolyn, was preparing the morning meal when the battle cry was sounded; it pealed through the air like a voice fro the very depths of hell.

          “What is that?” he whispered as he rushed to the door, his eyes wide with fright.  He was soon snatched from the door as his father, a giant black-bearded man, marched past him and out into the village.

          “Papa, where are you going?” he asked, running out to join him.

          “Never you mind”, his father replied solemnly, “just look after your mother.”  Daniel obeyed, walking slowly back to the house, only once looking sadly over his shoulder at the retreating figure of his father, not knowing that he would never see him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER TWO

 

          The war dragged on and other small villages, just like Daniel’s, had to join the fight to save the kingdom.  Each year that went by saw Daniel grow older and stronger and he had to take on more and more responsibility around the home.  He took good care of his mother, always striving to fulfill the last request made by his father.

          At the age of thirteen he left to join the battle but, being that he was only thirteen, he wasn’t allowed to fight.  He was sent on a mission for supplies, and so he jumped on his Arabian pony Trinel and rode off toward the next village.  He had to ride many days and nights before he reached Cobb, a tiny town to the south that he had visited once when he was give.  As he rode he noticed that all over the countryside the battle fires burned and wondered how he would ever find anything useful in the ashes. 

          When Daniel entered Cobb he could see at once that no one remained.  All was dark, empty and quiet.  He went about trying to gather what supplies he could find.  Discovering an old wagon in a half-burnt barn, he loaded what weapons hand food he found on it.  As soon as he was finished, he hooked the wagon to Trinel and began the long journey home, grateful to be leaving such a desolate place.

          As soon as he reached the outskirts of his village, he knew something was wrong.  Fires had burned down most of the cottages; his among them.  He leaped off Trinel and ran through the village searching frantically for his mother, calling for her as loudly as he could.  It was no use, she wasn’t there; no one was.  He was alone.

          He walked to the edge of the village and in a small wheat-studded clearing stopped to eat, Daniel feeding himself and Trinel from the supplies he had gathered.  As they ate the sun set, and when they had finished they lay next to each other and fell asleep under a full moon.

          Daniel woke as the sun rose, tainting the village red and casting shadows over the burnt cottages.  Fear and sadness washed over him, but he knew he must be strong.

          He re-harnessed Trinel and walked about the village searching for things he could take with him on his journey to the kingdom.  As he walked, Daniel remembered fondly all the places he had been, things he was taught, and friends now lost.  He found some carrots and potatoes, some salted beef, an old muddy blanket and a lamp with a fraction of fuel left in the bottom.  When Daniel had loaded everything into the little wagon, he said goodbye to his home and started off on his long journey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

          Claude Masilo had fought fiercely when the battle began.  He regretted leaving his wife and his son, Daniel, but his loyalty to his king and the kingdom came above all else, and so he had left his home to join in the war to save that which he loved.  This war was not an ordinary one, though; they were fighting against soldiers in an evil army, their ruler said to be a powerful sorcerer with long, flowing raven hair and eyes that flamed with a light not of this world…but no one had seen him.  None in Claude’s village had seen this evil king, and none among the wounded in the sorcerer’s army had seen their dark overlord.

          Claude’s king, on the other hand, was known and loved by all his subjects.  He was nicknamed Peter the Good and Peter the Just.  He was a handsome and noble man and ruled with a strong, yet kind, hand.

          As the battle raged on and more villages joined in the fight, Claude thought of his home and wondered if it, too, had been burnt to the ground as had so many others, and of his family whom he feared he would never see again.

          One day, in the midst of battle, a strange silence spread over the land, and soldier and villager alike stopped fighting and stared as the sky grew blood red and a rumbling, unlike any thunder known to man, was heard.

          “’Tis the sorcerer”, someone whispered, the last words to be spoken as one by one they were transformed into beasts of the forest; bears, wolves, boars, even birds.  There wasn’t a man to be seen across the vastness of land, only the occasional glimpse of a forest creature trying to find shelter in the denseness of the woods.

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER FOUR

          As Daniel and Trinel traveled the narrow trails across field and through forest, he saw many burnt villages, most of them unfamiliar, and all of them empty.  When he was a few miles south of Quinan, a large fishing village, he came upon a bear, the first living thing he had seen since he left his mother.

          The bear approached him slowly, sniffing the ground and the air around him as if to make sure Daniel would do him no harm.  When he had reached a distance of ten feet from where Daniel and Trinel stood, he casually sat down and said “Could you spare me some food?  I really am quite hungry.”

          Daniel almost fell of his horse in shock.  A talking bear?  Whoever heard of such a thing?  Unbeknownst to him, the bear and everyone else from there to the kingdom and beyond were enchanted, under the spell of the raven-haired king whom no one had seen.

          Being still young enough to have quite a vivid imagination, Daniel gave it some thought and concurred that this wasn’t all that strange and it may happen quite often, just never to him.  He finally turned his attention back to the bear and answered most cordially, “Why, yes, we do have food and I would be happy to share it with you.”  With that he jumped off Trinel, who still wasn’t quite sure about this creature, and reached into their bag of supplies to get something for this hungry animal.

          After the bear had satisfied his hunger, he asked Daniel where he had been and where he was going.  Daniel told him of the burnt villages to the south, of the loss of his mother and father, and of their journey to the castle.

          “You are quite welcome to join us on our quest if you like”, he added, eager to continue for they had many miles to go.

          “I would be grateful for some company”, the bear answered and they set off side by side as the sun slowly slipped behind the trees.

          They traveled for days, stopping only to eat, gather supplies and sleep.  The bear proved to be a great companion and was very helpful in foraging for food and providing warmth.  Although he knew nothing about his past, the bear did have some curious tales about the creatures he had encountered recently in the woods and he shared his thoughts on the sorcerer from across the sea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

          After a week had passed they decided to rest for a while in a small village.  One morning, soon after their arrival, they awoke to find three deer standing around them.

          “Who are you and what do you want?” said the buck defiantly, holding his rack of horns high to show that he was not afraid.

          “We are just weary travelers on our way to the castle”, said Daniel.  “We didn’t know anyone lived here.”  He stood and began packing their belongings back onto the wagon when one of the does approached him.

          “Did you say you were going to the castle?” she asked shyly.

          Daniel nodded and told them of all they had seen, or not see, so far.

          “You’re welcome to join us”, the bear said, “We could use more companions.”

          The buck snorted as if to say that he was too good to join them, but both does walked over to add their number to the little group.  As soon as their equipment was packed they started off, the buck remaining behind, too proud to admit his need for companionship.  After they had gone a few miles, they heard some footsteps behind them and turned to see the powerful buck coming towards them with his head bent down in shame as to how he acted.

          “I would like to join you after all, if you’ll still have me.”  He kept his eyes to the ground as he awaited their answer.

          “Come on then”, the bear boomed, “We haven’t got all day!”

          They were off once again, their band having grown to six, traversing hillside and meadow, collecting any food and usable equipment they could find.  Each village they came to was burnt and desolate, devoid of life.  Daniel longed for another human to talk to, but was grateful for his newfound animal friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER SIX

 

          Far away, across the vastness of the Adriatic Sea, the raven-haired sorcerer contemplated his situation.  It took weeks for his armies to reach the land of Brish, with its golden meadows and towering mountains.  Once landed, it took only a day to reach the Kingdom of Malin, home to the recently enchanted King Peter. 

          “What forces I had in the land of Brish are no good to me now”, he sneered.  “They, too, fell under my spell and will remain so until the Kingdom of Malin is mine.”  He sat for a time engrossed in thought, his eyes burning brightly in the gloom of his castle.

          “Kulgan!” his voice echoed through the chamber.  A hidden door to the left of the throne opened and a wizened old man entered, bowing before the king.  He raised his head to answer, but before he could the sorcerer spoke.

          “Send a legion of our finest soldiers to Brish so that we may get this petty war over with once and for all.  No one can stop me now.  No one.”

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

          All over the land the once human animals were dealing with their new bodies and new way of life.  None of them remembered anything before the transformation; they only knew that they were different from the normal creatures of the wood; they could talk.  The real animals had been unaffected by the evil king’s spell, and they shunned the new creatures, forcing them out of the shelter of the woods.  Some of them inhabited the abandoned villages while others traveled north to find shelter.

          Daniel encountered many of these animals on his journey, and the majority of those he met joined him so that now he had a little army gathered together, steadily moving toward the castle.  Daniel no longer thought of these animals as strange and had given up on trying to figure out why he hadn’t seen any people.  Some of the animals had told him of how they had been virtually banned from the forests and how strange and different they felt, but Daniel didn’t make the connection between them and the missing villagers.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

 

          In the midst of the Adriatic Sea, the evil army waited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER NINE

 

          The day they sighted the castle was a joyous one.  They could see the towering turrets and banners waving colorfully in the wind.  But still no people.  Instead, from where they stood all the way to the distant castle there were hundreds of animals, some gathered in groups of their own kind, others mingling freely with the rest.  Daniel couldn’t believe his eyes.  He had never seen so many animals gathered together in the same place before.  It was phenomenal.

          As Daniel guided his little army toward the castle, groups of the new animals joined so that when they reached the castle, none remained on their own.

          The drawbridge was down when they approached and so they proceeded into the courtyard.  An eerie silence surrounded them.  What once was filled with the laughter of children, the merchants’ cries, the clanging of knights in their armor, was now devoid of sound.  Daniel could see no life other than what he had brought in, but he felt he must search the castle, at least to find some clue as to the strangeness that had spread across the land.

          He entered the main hall with a small group of animals, his first traveling companions among them.  They walked through the empty hall, gazing with wonder at the beautiful tapestries and silver goblets and the rest of the finery spread throughout.  They moved from room to room, hall to hall, finding nothing.  Finally they had searched everywhere except the dungeon.  None of his companions wanted to accompany him to the dungeon, afraid that they might see horrible things.  Daniel felt he must go, and so started down the dark staircase that spiraled beneath the castle.

          When he reached the bottom he found a long hallway with many doors.  The keys hung on a large iron ring by the first door, so with shaky hands he took them and started by opening the first door.  Nothing.  It was the same with all of the doors he opened…except one.

          When he was nearing the end of the corridor he saw a light coming from one of the cells.  He looked through the bars on the door and saw the most beautiful girl sitting on a pile of straw, crying.  Her face was illuminated by the candlelight and her tears looked like diamonds as they ran down her cheeks.  Her hair was like moonlight and her lips like the petals of a rose.  He just stood there and stared at her, lost in her beauty.

          CLANG! The keys dropped to the floor and the girl leapt to her feet, staring at the door in terror.  “Who’s there?” she cried.  “What do you want?”

          “My name is Daniel”, said Daniel, softly so he wouldn’t frighten her more.  “I’m from the village of Bonn, about a month’s travel to the south.  I journeyed here to find out where all the people went.”

          “What do you mean, ‘Where all the people went’?” she asked, coming closer to the door so she could see his face.  She looked him over and saw a boy of her age, bedraggled but brave, with mussed black hair and green eyes that stared back at her. 

          Daniel paused a moment, trying to think of the best way to tell her.  “They all disappeared”, he said sadly.  “You’re the first person I’ve seen in weeks.”

          “My father”, she whispered, tears once again flowing from her blue eyes.  She looked up at Daniel and knew he was telling the truth.

          Daniel unlocked the door and she slowly walked out, her yellow silk dress dragging upon the floor.  He put his arm around her and they walked out of the dungeon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER TEN

 

          Miles away the overlord’s army landed and began their march to Malin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER ELEVEN

 

In his castle the evil king was preparing for his journey over to the land of Brish.  “By the time I get there, the castle and kingdom will be mine and I will spread darkness over the land.”  His eyes flared and throughout the castle his merciless chuckle echoed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER TWELVE

 

Princess Alexandria told Daniel of the day her father, King Peter, had put her in the dungeon with a years supply of food.  “He said he felt a terrible evil coming and the dungeon was the only safe place he could think of.  If only he would have joined me.”

          Daniel grasped her hand tightly.  “He must have been right in his prediction because they’re all gone.  Only you and I remain.”  She bowed her head and sat in the silence, thinking of her father and friends.

          Suddenly what he had said struck her as interesting.  “Only you and I remain”, she repeated.  “Correct?”

          “As far as I know”, Daniel answered, his face scrunched up in though.  “Why?”

          She paced the floor a moment then turned and faced him.  “Well, think about it”, she started, “I was deep in the dungeon, so whatever happened must not have been able to reach me.  Where were you?”

          Daniel thought back to when he left the village.  “At that time I was either on my way to or from Cobb, a village further south than mine.  I wasn’t hidden anywhere though.”  He thought for a moment.  “Underground”, he said suddenly.

          “What?” Alexandria said.

          “You were in a stone cell underneath the castle.  Underground.  Right?”

          “Right.”

          “While in Cobb I searched the storm cellars for weapons and food.  I was underground.”  Happy to have learned why he was spared, they started in on the other puzzle.

          “They both sat there, searching their memories and trying to think of what could have happened.  Alexandria stood up and paced back and forth, her shoes making the only sound in the empty hall.  All of the sudden it came to her.

          “What if ”, she said, her eyes bright with excitement, “someone cast a spell over the kingdom.”

          “And made all the people disappear?  I don’t think that’s possible”, he commented, his voice portraying his disbelief.

          “Not disappear”, she said patiently.  “Think about it.  Where did all the animals come from?  Why do they talk?  Why were they cast out of the forest?  Why are they so intelligent?”  She looked at him intently, wondering if he got the point.

          He sat there for a moment, taking in all that she had said.  “You mean, you think someone cast a spell over the kingdom and turned everybody into animals?”  She nodded.  “But who, and why?”

          They talked and talked about everything they knew had happened.  Daniel tried to remember all he could about the war and who they were fighting, but he didn’t seem to know much more than she did.

          “All I know is that some king from across the sea wanted to take over”, she murmured.  “No one seemed to know anything about him, except that he was an evil man.  His army carried a blood red banner with a hooded cobra on it.  I saw that right before my father put me in the dungeon.  I remember I could barely hear the battle, but one day all I heard was silence.  I thought it was over but no one came for me.

          “Well, if some evil king did do this, he must have done it so it would be easier to get control of the kingdom.  That means that they’ll be coming back.”  As the words came out of his mouth, they both realized the actuality of what he had said.  Silently, they clasped hands, both afraid of what was coming.  If only they had known how close it was.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

          They were awakened at dawn by the cries of animals in the courtyard.  As they rushed out, dread filling the pit of their stomachs, they saw it…the blood red banner with a giant cobra on it, it’s hood flared and fangs bared, ready to attack.  Behind the banner marched hundreds of soldiers, their faces hard and cold, a product of their wicked ruler.

          Daniel started to panic, running frantically back and forth across the cobblestones, not knowing what to do.  Then he thought of his father.  Tears sprang to his eyes, but the image made him strong.  He looked at Alexandria and she nodded, the smile on her face giving him courage.

          He rushed to the battlements to survey the advancing army and then pulled back, his eyes moving slowly over the multitude of animals gathered there.  He wasn’t sure what to do.  They had few weapons, and the animals certainly couldn’t use them if they had more.  Defeat started creeping into his heart when he got an idea.  A brilliant idea.

          “Noble creatures”, he began, scanning the crowd, “We are faced with a tough decision.  Either we hide in there like cowards or we give them a big surprise and show them we can fight!”  A cheer rose from the animals, giving him the incentive to go on. 

          “When the evil overlord cast his spell upon the people of this land, he did so to win the war with an easy victory.  But I believe that by working together we can show him where he went wrong.  He thought that by making your animals that you wouldn’t fight for you kingdom.  Let’s make him regret that decision.”

          He stood back and listened to the cries of enthusiasm and anger.  “Use the weapons that you know best.  Deer use your antlers; boars use your tusks.  Use your instincts and your strength.  We shall overcome!” Daniel shouted, caught up in the excitement of the moment.

          The animals rushed over the drawbridge, charging straight at the dark enemy.  A shocked look came over the faces of the soldiers as they tried as best they could to fight the creatures their master had created.  Daniel sat high in the battlements, his gaze steadily fixed upon the soldiers, observing and waiting to see what would happen.  As he watched, he was surprised to see that when someone was killed, whether soldier or animal, the body disappeared, vanishing into thin air.  Daniel wondered if his parents were among them.

          The animals fought fiercely, disarming the enemy and attacking one on one.  The soldiers didn’t stand a chance.  Slowly their number dwindled until none remained.  A great cheer was raised in celebration of their victory.  Daniel cheered also, but knew it was not over.  He knew that soon the raven-haired king would be here, and that when the time came he must be prepared.

 

 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

 

          Daniel knew little of magic.  The village he came from was small and not inclined toward the superstitious nonsense some of the villagers to the north believed.  Oh, he could admit that from time to time he thought he saw a sprite or fairy when he walked by the woods later than usual, but it could have been his imagination.  Now the belief was forced on him, like something awful his mother made him eat, even though the very thought made his stomach queasy.

          He told Alexandria about his lack of knowledge and she told him about Mephisto, the king’s wizard, who would do wonderful things with his magic.

          “Why, last year”, she said, an impish look on her face, “he made a summer’s day in the middle of a blizzard, and he gave me a purple pony for my 10^th birthday.”  Her eyes became dark and far away.  “He does serious things too.”  She paused.  “He once turned himself into a dragon and terrorized a certain knight who was disloyal to my father.  Then he ate him.  It was a horrible thing to watch.”

          “You had to watch?” said Daniel; amazed her father would let her view such a thing.

          “I had no choice,” she whispered.  “He did it in the dining hall, in front of everyone, to teach a lesson to others.”

          “What am I going to do?” he cried, the echo spreading his fear throughout the castle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

 

          The day came much sooner than anyone expected.  It seemed that not even a week had passed before the ship was spotted, the banner flying high above the blood red sails.  Daniel had hooked up the enemy’s flag and had it flying above the castle with all the others.  He wanted the king to think that all was safe and he was victorious.

          Daniel watched from the battlements, fear stabbing at his heart like tiny daggers.  He only had one chance and he knew it.  If the sorcerer got an opportunity to use his magic on Daniel, that would be the end; all hope would be lost.

          He held a crossbow in his hands, a silver-headed arrow lying upon it, the metal gleaming coldly in the sunlight.  “I hope this works”, he thought to himself, praying that he would make his shot and this nightmare would be over.

          The army approached, their faces the same cold, hard faces he had seen a few days ago.  In the midst of the soldiers a black throne was carried, and seated upon it was the raven-haired ruler, the king with no name, the sorcerer of unknown power.

          Daniel stayed hidden from sigh until the throne was a few feet from the drawbridge.  Then he stood, summoning all the courage and strength he had within him, and looked straight at the king, his eyes gleaming with hatred and fear.  The sorcerer sensed eyes upon him and ordered the throne stopped.  He turned his face toward the battlements and their eyes met.  A jumble of emotions passed between them and at that moment Daniel fired the crossbow, the silver-tipped arrow heading straight toward the king’s heart.  As the arrow pierced its target, the sorcerer cried out in a voice that shook the earth, then he and his army disappeared, leaving no trace. 

          Alexandria rushed to Daniel and flung her arms around his neck.  She jumped up and down shouting “We won!  We won!”

          They ran to the courtyard as the spell was broken and the villagers, knights and noblemen were transformed back into what they once were.  Along with the transformation came the knowledge of what had occurred and they all rejoiced and celebrated the victory.

          Daniel climbed upon a merchants stall and searched for his parents.  His eyes roamed the multitude but they were nowhere to be found.  Sadness overcame the joy of victory and he slowly climbed down and sat upon the ground feeling utterly alone.

          He had been sitting that way for a few minutes when he noticed a figure standing before him.  It was the king, Peter the Good.  Daniel kneeled before him.  “Your Majesty”, he whispered in awe.

          The king unsheathed his sword and placed it on Daniel’s shoulder.  “I dub thee Sir Daniel”, he shouted for all to hear, “For all the bravery, courage and resourcefulness you’ve shown in this time of need.  We are all in your debt.”

          Daniel lifted his head and saw the smile of King Peter duplicated on the face of his daughter.  “Stand up Daniel” she whispered, joy in her voice.  Daniel stood, feeling small and insignificant before the towering figure of the king.

          “Thank you, Daniel, for all you’ve done.”

          “My pleasure, m’lord”, he stammered, excitement and anxiousness making his eyes sparkle.

          King Peter put his arm around Daniel and they walked through the courtyard.  “I want you to live with us, Daniel.  My home is your home.”

          Daniel stopped and stared at the king as if he was thunderstruck.  Finally he smiled, happiness filling the void in his heart, and exclaimed, “Thank you, m’lord!  Oh, thank you!  I would be most honored.”

          He ran up the steps to where Alexandria stood and picked her up, spinning her round and round until they were both deizzy.

          “Isn’t it wonderful?” she said.

          “It certainly is.”

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

 

          To this day Daniel still lives in that castle in the Kingdom of Malin, although now he is King Daniel and Alexandria is his queen.  All is quiet in the kingdom, and once in awhile Daniel hears the fairies sing, and believes in them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE END

 

Reviews

[Casper Cross]

I am reviewing this as I read so at the present writing I have not read all of it but I like it. You grabbed me from the beginning and I definitely want to read more.

There are a few places in here that I think can use some work, let me see if I can help you with it. I'm ignoring typos. That's not a big deal.

I found a passive sentence... He walked to the edge of the village and in a small wheat-studded clearing stopped to eat, Daniel feeding himself and Trinel from the supplies he had gathered.
"he had gathered" is the passive part of the sentence. This is also a run-on sentence so I will try and clean that up for you too.
Rewrite: Daniel walked to the edge of the village, stopping to eat in a small wheat-studded clearing. Daniel fed Trinel and himself from the gathered supplies.

In Chapter Four you have an awkward sentence: Unbeknownst to him, the bear and everyone else from there to the kingdom and beyond were enchanted, under the spell of the raven-haired king whom no one had seen.
There are a couple of problems with this sentence. Here again is a sample rewrite for you:
Unbenownst to Daniel, the raven haired king had the bear and everyone else in the kingdom under his spell.

I don't think I need to tear it apart anymore than I already have, you probably get the gist of what I'm trying to help with here. I don't know the original intent of this story and I don't mean to belittle it in anyway, but based on my interpretation of your work this seems like a very, very good children's story. I will share it with my six year old daughter. I am certain she will like it as well.
Again, some of the writing is clumsy in a few spots but in large part this is a very, very good piece of writing.
I hope my suggestions help and if you would like me to help further I am only an email away.
Blessings