I really enjoyed this poem. The images that you evoke are strong and well executed.
That said, there is one little nit that you can feel free to ignore. I loved
sew up the broken heart
tear out the seams
as a stannd alone piece, but it jarred when I read it within the poem. It's a break in the strucure
you used in the rest of the poem. To me, its perfectly fine to break the flow like that, but it should signal a change in the rhythm in the poem. You alter the structure you follow for only one section but you don't give me any reason why you did it. Again, this might just be an odd little quirk for me, but there it is.
I really enjoyed this poem. The images that you evoke are strong and well executed.
That said, there is one little nit that you can feel free to ignore. I loved
sew up the broken heart
tear out the seams
as a stannd alone piece, but it jarred when I read it within the poem. It's a break in the strucure
you used in the rest of the poem. To me, its perfectly fine to break the flow like that, but it should signal a change in the rhythm in the poem. You alter the structure you follow for only one section but you don't give me any reason why you did it. Again, this might just be an odd little quirk for me, but there it is.
Very well written and nice flow. If someone asked me what to write a poem about, I would show them this piece well written piece of work. Wonderful job.
This is lovely. As I was reading I got this funny feeling inside. It felt good. I have chills. The words are so smooth in the way they flow. Wonderful job my friend.
I am a wife and mother of two young children who give me ideas for books constantly. I live in Key West, Florida and when I'm not writing I enjoy fishing, lobstering and being on the water whenever p.. more..