A Packed Suitcase

A man learns a hard lesson because of a packed suitcase by the door.

He didn't notice the suitcase
Sitting by the door
But his eyes opened wide
As he sunk onto the floor.

All the furniture was gone
There was nary a knick or knack
The empty room began to spin
Hot air was turning black.

He rushed into the baby's room
No toys, books or clutter
Clutching at his chest
His heart began to flutter.

Slogging to the bedroom
He shared with his lovely wife
Vacancy stared him in the eyes
Where had gone his life?

Back on down the hallway
To re-trace his heavy steps
He now noticed the suitcase
And reached into its depths.

There was their wedding photo
A couple pictures of their son
Why'd she want to leave him?
What had made her run?

The note she'd packed away
Didn't explain too much
Just that she was tired
Of the hitting and such.

As her golden wedding ring
Rolled across the hardwood floor
He looked again at her portrait
The one he had adored.

He only did what he thought
What he saw a marriage to be
Daddy always picked on Ma
She never complained, you see.

Now she was breaking the cycle
Of generations long since passed
His son would grow into a real man
And for him, true love would last.

Author's Note

Please give an overall review on this poem. Thank you!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad story with a positive ending.
"Now she was breaking the cycle
Of generations long since passed
His son would grow into a real man
And for him, true love would last."
We do learn from our father's mistakes. Thank you Melissa for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, Coyote Poetry. This is loosely based on my first marriage ... didn't happen exactly this way but the abuse was there. Glad I had the courage to leave after 8 1/2 years.

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad you did and you are welcome. Hard to escape.

[barleygirl]

First & foremost, I love the core message of this piece, that the woman doesn't want her son to grow up with such a poor example of manhood. This is done by SHOWING more than TELLING, so your writing is very strong with visual impact, as well as being very relatable. I'm not clear on how the suitcase fits into the scenario. The suitcase seems to indicate she is still there in the house, but from the rest of the poem, it seems she is not. That part is a little confusing. But otherwise, the suitcase is a good symbol of what's happening in this poem. Your rhyme & rhythm flow easily & this snapshot of life is brought to life with your words of clarity & original word choices.

[MelissaAndres]

Barleygirl, Thank you for your nice words. The suitcase should be a punch in the gut for the husband. The wife packed away a few things to leave behind ... to show him the things he would be missing because of the things he did to his family ... the things most husbands would hold most precious in their lives. Things that should have been important. But, she is long gone, with their son. This is loosely based on my first marriage. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[barleygirl]

I love your intention for the suitcase as a symbol, but I'd love to see more of this explanation so we can really feel it as the slap in the face it's meant to be.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you for your critique. I will consider trying to rework it and see what happens.

[annalysiar]

Wow, so deep. And becoming I like this one too, great write

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you so much!

[alifeacoustic]

This tells a story of how more than one perceives something and how we deal with it. The fear, panic and turmoil that made her run in the night and the devastation of his actions as he surveys them truly for the first time, as he stands among a shell of what they had, feeling sorry for himself for what he done, rather than accepting he was wrong. I know which side I am on.
There should perhaps be a follow up of the woman and where she is in life, now that she made the decision to take no more and struggle through life to make it on her own. Would be interesting, just a thought :)
Superb, as ever Melissa.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, alifeacoustic. It didn't exactly happen this way but this is loosely, loosely based on my first marriage and what happened with us. Guess I could write my life story, huh??

[alifeacoustic]

Yes, but wait until you finish with Sadie and Co. first :)

[MelissaAndres]

My life story may put you to sleep though! Haha! (I have the next chapter posted now!

[alifeacoustic]

Na it wouldn't...and yay, I'm on it :)

[Celie Rose]

Enjoyed your poem. There is no love in an abusive relationship. "Just that she was tired
Of the hitting and such." She not only showed love for herself by leaving, but also for her son. "His son would grow into a real man And for him, true love would last." Nicely written. Keep writing.

[MelissaAndres]

Thanks, Celie Rose!

[TL Boehm]

It is true that we often repeat what we see. Whether its abuse or chemical dependence. Breaking the cycle is worth it but it is difficult. Well penned reminder.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, TL. I appreciate you reading and commenting on this.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

:/ Such a sad thing to happen, but yes it isn't good to stay where you are abused. It is very sad that these habits can get passed down to children if one isn't careful. I liked how you wrote it as well, it flowed well.

Good Job

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, Peace Keeper. I am all for breaking bad cycles and teaching children GOOD things!

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

^^ You're welcome! Yes, that is very good then!

[wordman]

sometimes it takes a rude awakening to open there eyes

[MelissaAndres]

Yes, sometimes I think people don't even realize what they are doing or that they think their behavior is 'normal' and it takes that drastic step to turn them around.

[andrew mitchell]

A great write, he deserved what he painted even though he was probably a victim once. Don't like physical or mental abuse. A top write!

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, Andrew! This is loosely based on my first marriage. It didn't end in this manner but I finally got tired of the bad stuff and summoned the courage to leave. It happens probably more often than we even know.

[ANTO]

I thought you were still on a 'Everybody Loves Raymond' tip here with the 'Suitcase' episode then the reality of it sunk in with the wife missing.
The saddest line was, for me, 'the hitting'. It described a whole relationship in a few words because it was softly written - not 'the beatings' - not 'the violence' but 'the hittings' as spoken straight from the victim's mouth to the reader's ears in such a passive voice.
Top write Melissa.

[MelissaAndres]

Oh, Anto! Yes, I remember that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. That is truly a funny one! I actually chose the words 'the hitting' because of the way she left. She just left quietly and unassumingly and didn't look back. I felt that would make more of an impact than something more horrific; kind of like a whisper. Thank you for your kind words.