The New Beginning

As loneliness spreads,

Our visions began to be blurred by these tears,

Helpless to these threats,

We could no longer hide our fears

 

 

 

Eveything seemed like a paradise,

Healing every blisters in my heart,

But when i opened my eyes,

I guess it was all just a disguise..

 

 

The sky has darkened,

The hearts are hardened,

No initiative to make it right,

No vision to see the light..

 

Why do we need to shed tears?

When together we can encounter our fears

What about now?

What about today?

Find another way,

To end the world's dismay,

And save a life today..

 

Don't run away,

Cast away all the pain,

Put away all attempts in vain..

 

Dying rivers everywhere,

Frozen hearts here and there,

No one bothers to take care,

Of our the planet that has no spare..

 

'Cause there is always hope,

To mend these broken pieces,

There is still a chance,

To heal these excruciating blisters..

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Aldora Sparrow]

I think it's really nice and has some ideas. I liked how you ended with that there was still hope and everything will be ok.
Some (hopefully) helpful comments, apart from the grammar mistakes, you could try to change the first verse because when I first read it, I though it was going to rhyme, but it didn't. It also sounds a little forced. You should try to change some of the wording to make it flow better.
I think this would make a good song, it has a nice feel. If it was your first writing, I really thought it was great. Good luck and kepp writing!

[Hauwson Joncer]

Very good! sorry for the late comment, but why don't you go to writerscafe anymore?

[Stephanie]

"The sky has darkened,
The hearts are hardened,"
I really liked that part. I think it flows well enough although you could probably edit parts to make it even better. I can tell this has a heartfelt sentiment behind it, something that means a lot to you.
Really good for your first piece. Keep it up!

[Hauwson Joncer]

Its great, it really has a deep meaning