Chapter 6: and the Heart Thief (Part I)

Yeah, so? I'm grieving... and for the record, only God will judge me.

Willow gasps, awestruck at the scene in front of her, she clung tightly to my side. She was so tiny; I patted her head which was at waist height; my hand so big it cupped her skull perfectly. I remembered the first time I walked across The Great Wall; I was about her age too and just as breathe taken by its sheer mystic beauty.
     The busy winding alleys with temples and markets in every direction, China was chaotic and exciting for a city of holiness and peace. And when you walked out; those giant red gates and the Great Wall of China in front of you on the edge of a sheer cliff, the Mediterranean seas bashing fiercely against her side -you have to catch your balance and your breathe. I closed my eyes and soaked the salt through my senses. I loved the journey home it always seemed so much more pleasant then the trip out, though the trip out was always filled with excitement and a sense of adventure in new place. I opened my eyes to a sun beaming down upon us; the Great Russian Circus, the wind howled around us as we made our way across the wall that seemed to be infinite in length. Everyone was tired, quiet and exhausted eagerly awaiting Moscow and the feeling that home brought to us all. My hair was tied back in a pathetic excuse for a ponytail so it wouldn’t lash my eyes out, though it made little difference with bits and pieces of my hair shorter than other. The slither of finger tips too mature to be that of Willow’s, had me tense as they ran across my back and rested on my waist. Hugging me tight; Lacy closed her eyes against the sun, her snow white hair blazing fiercely in the strong current of air that mirrored the feisty sea below. She sensed my eyes upon her and opened hers; I kissed her cheek and whispered a compliment or too, she carved her body into mine, her head buried in my shoulder as the sun shone upon us and a wave of guilt rained down from the skies seeping deep into my tarnished soul.
     I’d killed my mother, my wisdom, my friend; death was upon her and I stole another soul from the clutches of the Grimm. But what if she had hours left? Maybe even a day. She would have lived so much, her beloved granddaughter by her side, making her laugh, dance, sing for the last time. I stole those chances and left a girl defenceless to this New World of unspeakable dangers, behind all the magic. My heart tugged on its strings, what had I done?
     Sweat dripped down my face, the heat taking a toll on all of us by now. I carried willow on my back and Lacy had disappeared to check on the horses. The end of the day was drawing near, so was the eternal wall. I’ll be happy to sit down and stop thinking about it. This is the undoing of a man, well my undoing; Like the Great Alexander in Persia, I had succumbed to all that was thrust at me and dangled teasingly in front of my senses. I had become corrupted with the thought that I deserved this due to my horrendous upbringing. No...That was the undoing of a good man. One who had nothing, had dragged his limp and godless body to the top of the ladder but halfway is tempted with all the riches in the world; he is congratulated on his success even though that top step is still miles out of reach. One man has to ask, why go on? Why continue to drag yourself to the top when after fighting for what you want it’s just handed to you, everything you desire and continuing was at such a high cost. Who would go on? I certainly refuse. It may be the right thing to do but why push away what is placed in your hand, why search for the possibility that there is more out there? No, I shall not wallow in despair as I pathetically make my way up a unstable ladder filled with termites, the danger of failure with every breathe. I will burn that ladder and overcome it in a whole new light. It may not be the right way, but it’s the thief’s way.