Through Her Eyes

she broke herself until she became scattered pieces everyone used then disposed. She felt defeated; reminded of her past; reminded of the person everyone forced her to be. She lost herself.

Through Her Eyes... 

I had woken up drenched in fear. 

 I look over to my left, I spot the clock, it's 1:15 in the morning.  

The lucid dream is replaying in my mind; I felt my life end leaving me unstable. 

"Are you okay?" said my consciousness. 

"How could I still remember that man?" I asked myself. 

My mother was young, a free-spirited woman with two kids. 

She raised us as a single parent, but it wasn't always a perfect life.  

The man in my dream, was the man my mother had been dating. 

They lasted about three years; During those years I suffered the most... 

It all began once I accepted him as my step father, for I knew my mother loved this man unconditionally.  

I was only eight years old when I met him, I was terrified. 

Little did I know, he made me a victim... 

My lucid dream replays in my mind, remembering everything he did. 

 I am scared to leave my bed...  

My heart is throbbing in pain from the strong beating in my chest. 

-Rewinding back in time reaching the year 2010- 

He was finally in front of me. 

A six-foot-tall man and a five-foot child. 

I was scared. 

In my head, I was missing my dad. 

 I wanted him to rescue me. 

My mother’s boyfriend had a name; a name I'd never omit when I tell my story. 

His name? well, it remains unknown for now. His actions?  Well that shall be published. 

My mother's boyfriends weren't always the best role model. 

I can't speak much about my mother's actions because they weren't the best either. 

But when it came down to her kids, she was responsible. 

Did I mention this man was a whole decade older than my mother? 

He punished my brother and I like soldiers preparing for war.  

He made my mother bitter, he changed her. 

My brother was all I had in that house... 

I cried more times than I can count, I even made myself sick. 

This man forced my brother to run, run so fast he couldn't breathe.  

I remember, it was night and his hard breathing woke me up. 

I prayed he would be okay, I even stood above my bed and watched him cry and fall asleep.  

That same night, around two in the morning my mother's boyfriend opened our room door. 

I felt hands creeping up my legs, he was trying to wake me up. 

I was half asleep unable to grasp the situation. 

He lifted me out from underneath my bunk bed and held my head near his pelvis next to his manly parts.  

This happened to me, day in and day out for a whole year. 

It was nothing at first... 

- Fast forward to next year, it's 2011- 

I am aware of the sleepless nights this man has caused me, 

 but I remained noiseless. 

My mother had fallen deeply for this man, at least it all seemed that way. 

She had grown too attached in my opinion. 

Who was I to tell her what the love of her life was doing to her nine-year-old daughter? 

"I love you" my mother always told me. 

I then replied with a blank expression across my face 

Saying “I love you to mom.” 

I tried to tell my mom many times; 

I felt defeated. 

He used to be in the Army, it's something I remembered. 

He owned a black human sized safe, where he stored his personal items. 

He kept guns; Guns that looked like riffles. 

I was nine when he showed me one, he even held it correctly. 

 I felt like if my life was going to end right there. 

Still I remained noiseless. 

My consciousness kept telling me, "If you stay shut, your mother and brother will be safe." 

My relationship with this man felt numb. 

He streaked my happiness. 

"I'm only nine years old," I kept telling myself. 

I even questioned God asking him "Why am I still alive?" 

I blamed God for everything he did to me. 

In my lucid dream, I recalled the night my mother wasn't home, he called me into his room "To talk." 

During this talk, he sat me on his therapeutic king-sized bed and said “I’m  going to teach you karate.” 

I thought to myself, “Why do I need to learn karate?” 

But In seconds, His over-weighted body got on top of me. 

I begged him to get off, but he wouldn't. 

He kept stroking my body over and over, soon I cried. 

I pushed and shoved this man yelling "STOP!" 

He kept making noises then sexual sounds that made me feel uncomfortable. 

I'll never forget the one phrase he said, he yelped "Don't stop"  

He locked the door; his mother was jingling the door knob and I felt a huge relief. 

She responded shortly after, asking “What are you doing?” 

He stopped for a second and replied, “I’m teaching my step daughter karate.” 

She barely made the effort to find out why the door was locked knowing she heard my voice in the background. 

I even had white stuff on my pants after he was done, 

I looked at him scared. 

But he said it was only "Mayonnaise." 

I was nine, but my mom didn't raise me dumb. 

I was establishing a consistency with this man... 

-Entering the third year...Here comes 2012- 

I dug my burial so deep I couldn’t get out. 

I’m finally 10. 

That morning, I looked at myself in the mirror with disgust. 

I told myself “Your stronger than you think, remember your doing this for your family.”  

No matter how many times I told myself that, I still loathed deeply. 

Even though I didn’t ask for what is happening, I had to put on a mask and pretend to be happy. 

Every word I spoke, I said a lie. 

I made my parents despise each other even more than they already had. 

My mother told my step dad... 

From there, little did she know; she made her man loath me. 

Day in, I wrote hundreds of lines saying, “I will not disrespect my mother.” 

As for day out, he made me feel awful and I paid the price. 

The touching, the sleepless nights, the physical training, the panting of my breath, he didn’t care; he enjoyed it. 

My mother never knew, nor did I have the courage to tell her what he had done to me. 

I've kept it all a secret. 

I couldn’t bear the thought of not making it through, alive. 

My dad was my hero, my dad was my safe heaven. 

I prayed every day for three years. that my dad would take us; 

But it was a dream, that could never happen. 

I recalled the last night I had with my father, it was a Sunday.  

We dropped off my step mom at her family's house and my father drove us to this man's house. 

I was dreading the drive, I didn’t feel safe in that house. 

My brother and I were telling our father certain things that were going on;  

Especially with how we felt. 

I felt the animosity from my father towards my mother and her boyfriend. 

I feel like he didn’t agree with how certain things were being done but he had no control over the situations. 

Towards the end of the year, this man treated my mother horribly, I’ve heard him call her things that made me furious; I never stepped in. 

They broke up shortly after their argument... 

That was music to my ears, but my mother was suffering from pain by a selfish man.  

My mother’s boyfriend changed me completely; I felt evolved after. 

Author's Note

My first narrative short story :)