Dear Future Partner

I'm the POV. I wrote this while drunk and is completely raw.

Dear future partner,

 

I know we haven’t met yet, or maybe we have and we just haven’t noticed our connection. There’s always this uncertainty of “what if?” I’ve been afraid to get close to anyone from the moment I had consciousness. I’m terrified of socializing and meeting new people. Yet I wish to meet you.

 

You’d probably be the only person on Earth that will see me exactly as I am and will love me regardless. Not like other people that think they can cure depression by saying “aw, don’t be sad”, or cure autism by telling us to stop stimming. I’m always that weird kid-man (25, but look 15)who rocks back and forth, jumps while waiting on a line, makes involuntary facial expressions due to sensory overload, jumps out of his skin when touched without permission, goes mute when the sensory overload is out of control.

 

But you, you’d see all other aspects about myself. How loving, intelligent, logical and funny I am. Sure, I’ll struggle for the rest of my life due to a condition(s) that doctors haven’t even identified yet. But every time I’d have a hard time, you’d sit next to me and ask me what you can you do to help, and most of the time your mere presence will be enough to calm me down. Then you’d ask if I need a tight hug to get my pieces together, that way I won’t be socially/physically deprived. And you’d get it, and even research about my condition to better interact with me.

 

We’d have the conversation that I wish I could have with everyone else. You’d ask “how can I help you? What are you triggers? Are there places or things we should avoid?” and sure enough I’d answer each of your question to make sure we find a middle ground where we’re both comfortable.

 

I don’t know you, yet I crave you. I have no capacity to love a human being, but I give you my word that I would appreciate you more than anything that is alive in this world. And you’d love me for that. Neither of us would let each other go, we’d always work things out because we function in a superior way than others.

 

Sometimes I will be the shame of the person or group that I’m with, because of the weird things I do that I cannot control. But you won’t care about them, you’ll ask me if I’m okay and if the answer is no, then we’d go somewhere else. Sometimes I won’t be able to speak, and you won’t push me to do so because you understand and accept me with all my limitations included.

 

And don’t get me wrong, all this is not just about me. I’d take care of you and give you every little piece of my broken heart. And if you have to leave me one day, I’ll be okay with it, because even though I want you in my life, I also have no feelings towards humans.

 

So how can someone love another person knowing that they will never ever love them back? Knowing how sick and weird they are. That’s an answer I don’t have, but I guess we’ll have to figure it out when the time is right for us to meet and feel the connection. Or not.  

Reviews

[Yelissa]

So beautiful, i really liked it ❤