Lost Memory

What happens when you lose everything that ever mattered to you? How exactly can you cope with something so devastating? It’s absolutely heartbreaking. What hurts even worse is that it isn’t an unknown force or some unseen occurrence that takes your loved one away, but their own choice of action. No they didn’t kill themselves or go do something horrible. In fact, it was a richaus and honorable path to walk. Joining the marines, or any form of military for that matter, is not only difficult for the man or woman enlisting. For their family or friends, it is completely agonizing.

My big brother left about two years ago to join the U.S. Marine Corps. And things haven’t been the same since. I remember when I was 12 and he was 16, even though we had a bit of an age difference it didn’t stop us from being happy together. He left when I was 15, I always hoped that he would be okay and then when we came back we could all be a nice, big and happy family again. Seth came back when I was 17, he was doing well and he even met the love of his life. But when he looked at me, it was like he was staring me down as if I was of a lesser species. He and dad were talking just like the old days, his mom was trying to drain is wallet (which unfortunately she always got away with) and our sister still wasn’t looking healthy. Everything seemed normal, excepted between him and me.

Seth no longer had any emotions toward me, he didn’t even look happy to see me. I mean, I had been looking forward to seeing him again for months and I even drew him something. It said how proud I was of him, but he wasn’t phased at all. Dad said that it was being in the military that changed him, but I don’t buy it for one second. My brother was every bit the same man he was before he left, he still loved talking to dad, he was still a fan of joking around and he was still a smart a*s. The only thing that change was that he no longer acted like I existed, the relationship we had as brother and sister was now one-sided.

I haven’t heard a word from him since that last visit. I’m about to graduate with only a few months until I turn 18, and now my pain has returned to me.  Once again, an interest in the military is taking someone important to me away. My best friend Collin whom I’ve known for about a year now has taken an interest and wants to enlist. He was one of the only real friends I had left, and he is my closest friend. But he can’t take living the way he is anymore, his family is literally driving him to the point of insanity. Collin has nothing there.  He told me that he needed something to apply himself to, just how can I stand in the way of that?

Collin had always felt an empty place in his heart, like his life meant nothing. Deep down, I really do think it’s what he needed, something to help fill the void. But it hurts so bad to consider him leaving, I can hardly comprehend it. However, if this is truly what he wants then I will stand by it. I will be a friend to him, and no matter how much it hurts me I won’t get in the way of what he truly desires. But for my sake, I just hope they don’t change him as well. Collin means so much to me. I don’t want to become nothing but a memory…