Dreams abandoned

Dreams on the line

 Left out to dry

Hanging there lifeless

Lined up in a row

*

The sun is not shining

Still wet and dreary

They hang there abandoned

The wind just won’t blow

*

While sleeping I wear them

I dress up in style

In blissful ignorance

On stages of yellow

*

I’m singing my heart out

My worries abandoned

My message heard gladly

by only my pillow

*

M.J.S.

2-18-08

Reviews

[*~Poetic_Essence~*]

I must say that i really liked it..i respect your attempt you shouldnt even feel scared that you couldnt do it you are a good writer..When your stepping out of the comfort of rhyming poems it is always best to remember that you have to fill in the non-rhyming gap with good imagery..you must have words that capture the reader..and flow just as well as all of your rhyming poems..i think you did this very well though..excellent start to a new beginning..i really enjoyed the read...
Well From One Word-Play Poet To The Next...Always Remember To Write With Your Heart!

s~Shanty~s

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[KATHY SUE SILLS]

I loved this, the flow was great!

[*~Poetic_Essence~*]

I still love this one by the way...lol Just reading through some of your work. I love that last line, "my message heard gladly by only my pillow"

[Karrar]

Dreams on the line
Left out to dry
Hanging there lifeless
Lined up in a row

I like how you used the simplest of thoughts as real life objects....and in a basic story concealed the emotions perfectly...Hats off!

[Solst Rapture]

This is a clear as white snow. The imagery was wonderful. The rhyme was not too much and I felt nothing but joy reading it. I know the sentiment is a serious one - we all want to fulfill our dreams - but this to me is what I will see if I stop taking those steps. It is a decent poem, one that feels bright, humorous and efficient. It was charming.

[David Lewis Paget]

This poem has so much potential - that first line really grabbed me; what an image. Unfortunately, even with the use of imagery, a poem has to make sense, somewhere, somehow. What are you telling us - that your dreams are wet? Why would you need to dry a dream? Each verse is a continuation of confused thoughts. If you know that you use them to dress up when you're sleeping, the line 'in blissful ignorance' doesn't make sense. Ignorance of what - that you're dressing up? You just told us that. Then suddenly you have a message, that only your pillow can hear. What's the message? Isn't that the point, that you share with the reader the point of the poem? Here you clutch it to yourself like an old favourite teddy bear and refuse to share it with the rest of us. I also doubt if a pillow is capable of hearing 'gladly', though if you have one that does, perhaps you should patent it; you'd make a fortune.
Sorry for the flippancy; all I'm saying is when you write a poem, have a beginning, a middle and an end that makes sense. Otherwise, why would anyone want to read it?
If it's any consolation, I think you have a talent, you just need to develop it, and try to get rid of foggy thought processes. DLP

[Dejasha Love]

I liked it.Very interesting.Just 1 questin 2 ask...what made you write this? Did you like have a dream or something or was it for a contest or it just came to you for no possible resin or did you just make it up as you go! ~:P
LOVE YOU MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
;)Dejasha Love

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This is good. I happen to be the oppisite. I can't rhyme!! I liked the flow. You created a vivid image. Great work!

[Frances O'Neill]

I think this has a humorous note even those its about a serious topic and I'm not sure if that's the point.

[L.G. Knight]

This is really sweet! Very Sweet indeed!

I really like the flow and rhyme and the content is just captivating it takes the heart captive. Really well done!

~Frances~