02.

SO after a few months of contemplating it, I decided to continue forward with this book and add another chapter.

                The lunchroom was loud and packed with energy.  I could feel it welling up around me, grazing my skin, waiting for a sign that I wanted to join the fun. I didn’t. I’d probably have preferred to play the role of ‘sick child’ in order to stay home today. I still could.

                All at once I lifted my head out of my hands and sat up straighter. It was time to start acting and plant a seed.

                “I don’t feel good.” I said it quietly, though everyone heard. I rolled my shoulders back, absorbing the strain and tension building between them.

                “Well no s**t.” I opened my eyes out of script and stared at Derek, who sat across from me with an all too large grin on his face. “We’ve been talking to you for the past five minutes.” His lunch tray was gone, and in its place rested a pair of arms to which he leaned on.

                “You were?” By now the rest of the table’s occupants were aware of my awakening.

                “Exactly.” He dragged the word as he said it.

                “What were you saying?”

                “Oh, just how Chris slept with your mom, and Luke pickpocketed you again when you weren’t looking.”

                “Good to know.” I said, half hearing the laughs around me. “Wait. Again?” Their laughs got louder. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

                “It means you have a lousy judge of friendship.” I winced inwardly, knowing he didn’t know.  Peter wasn’t someone I liked to associate myself with even though he tended to cling to wherever I was. It was annoying as hell, but I didn’t really care enough to do anything about it.

                The amount of people in the lunchroom began to wane towards the end of the hour, leaving only pockets of students loitering at the tables. Derek was still across from me but Chris and Allen had since moved on and been replaced a few times by random people.

                “Alright.” I said pushing off from the tabletop. My façade of sickness had worn off so I needed to get back to my locker before the bell. “I’m heading out.” As I stood up, Emily, Derek’s girlfriend, slid into my seat. It pushed me back a step. “Thank you.” I said to her. She bent her head back and looked up at me with a smile.

                “You’re welcome.” Her smile was definitely her best feature. Her teeth may not have been perfectly straight, but they were white and well cared for. Which in itself out ruled any crookedness, and Derek could see that. She looked back to him. “Okay.” Her voice, in its directness, implied that there was a very specific reason for her intruding my seat. “So, there’s a new kid starting next week and I just saw him. He was doing a walkthrough thing with the principal and his parents.”

                “Okay. That’s nice, is he joining the team?” Derek looked up with a look that seemed to tie me into the conversation. I sat down.  

                “There aren’t any openings right now though I suppose he could be a backup. A benchwarmer or something.” I leaned my head against my fist. Contrary to popular belief, benchwarmers were very important. I know that I, personally, don’t like running play after play, just to sit on a cold bench. It seems demining in a sense. As if my work meant so little that I had to freeze when I sat. But, maybe that was just me.

                “No, we don’t need any more of those. I’m sick of overpopulation.”

                Emily raised her hand a little. “That’s nice you guys but, that’s not what I was going to say.” She looked at Derek. “No, he’s not joining the team, so no-” she pointed a finger at me, “he’s not doing any bench warming.” I looked at the class ring on her finger. It looked nice. “But he’s gay.” For a moment, I stopped breathing. It was never easy for me to hear people use the g-word so lightly.

                “What can you tell by looking at him?” Derek was half grinning. Of course he could grin about it. He didn’t have to live it. “Was he wearing makeup? Smokey eye shadow?” He arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, but not even remotely close enough for the smoke effect. Where did you even learn that term?” She looked at him with an amused look. “I thought you were too manly for that kind of thing.”

“I am.” He said, puffing out his chest. “But not too manly to watch the news. Some critic was bashing the Emmy’s and how certain people had bad makeup and outfits and whatnot. Personally, I just wanted the weather but, alas, one must wait to get what one wants.”

“You poor thing.” I said as nonchalantly as I could manage. Emily grinned at me as I stood up, preparing to leave. “Have fun, I’m heading out.”

“Going home?” Derek asked.

“Locker. Why would I go home?”

“Because you felt sick.”

“Oh yeah.”

“I knew it. Get outta here you faker.” He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder and laughed in chorus with Emily, who patted my arm.

I got outta there and ten minutes later, passed out in the comfort of my bedroom.

 

I tossed the match into the small pile I’d started next to my bed, and slid the box open to grab another one. I stared at the tiny flame as it ate away at the stick. Ever since I was young I’ve loved matches. I like watching the blue outline try to overtake the orange innards from the bottom up. I like watching it flicker and spark small bursts of fire as it climbs, and I like watching how the stick transforms from perfection, to a bent black remainder of what it was.

11:56. It’s almost tomorrow. I don’t want it to be tomorrow. Tomorrow means that the weekend is over and I have to go back to school. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go to English and Science and have no finished homework. I don’t want to look at Landon and have nothing to say. I don’t want to look at Landon and have something to say. I don’t want to be around people. I don’t want to eat the school food. I don’t want to smell the school air.

I want to be gone, drift away into some secret abyss where all is safe and quiet and completely calm. I want to sleep.

12:01.

12:35.

1:45.

2:15.

I hate everything.

Author's Note

As the description says, I've been contemplating this book for a few months and decided to add another chapter. Please keep in mind that I'm just testing this book idea out. I already know how I want it to end and everything, it's just a matter on if I can accumulate all the words neccessary to bring all of YOU there too.

Review please :) I want to know how it's going for everyone.