Happy New Year

For Brett. Thanks for nothing, darling.

It's been one year since we spoke,

a year since you delivered one last sick joke.

The one where you left me gasping for air,

because the gravity of being alone was too much to bare.

 

I've lived through one year in ruins,

broken and torn to my very core.

One year of hoping, hoping, hoping,

that you come back for more.

 

One year of wondering if this is all my fault,

if I drove you away with every flaw I possess.

Horrified that I lost the love of my life,

because I'd drowned him in an ocean of my own strife.

 

Twelve monthes of regret seeping through my skin,

wishing, wishing, wishing, that I never hear from you again.

Memories drilled into every inch of my soul,

making it impossible to let this go.

 

A year of being quarantined from the outside world,

jealous of the happy couples who make each other feel whole.

Weighing my heart down with shackles and chains,

my happiness melted like our freezing rain.

 

One year of loving you from afar,

hiding all of my bruises and battle scars.

Praying, praying, praying, that you'd see past the distance,

and give us one more chance to hold on.

 

It's been one year but I still hear your voice so clear,

whispering sweet nothings and pushing me forward.

The new year is approaching and I'm still hoping, praying, yearning,

that part of you is still desperately in love with me too.

 

 

Author's Note

I've tried the ending a million different ways, but it still doesn't feel right. Any suggestions?