Flatline

Another English assignment...

Exhaustion.

Eyelids slowly drifting to a close,

Even with every fiber of her being screaming "No, no!"

She doesn't want to fight it anymore.

Death's long smoky fingers play on her body,

Lingering too long in some places, calling her.

"Come to me."

But her young, strong body isn't finished yet.

Her heart beats fast and all her muscles squeeze

As her organs try to flush out the toxins she put into it.

And when her eyes flutter open again to stare

At the empty bottle of pills, she starts to cry.

Because when the sirens finally come, it is too late.

All that's left of her is cold and still.

Flatlined.

Reviews

[MoriartyMesa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUjUIP2ugG4


This was the only thing to me that mirrored the effect of the writing.

[Reaching for the clouds]

Wow. Well done! I like how original and easy flowing this is.

[Roxi L]

Tragic, I like it!

Writing keeps the dream alive
~Roxi~

[GTVile]

OooooOOOOOooo, this was great. You do a great job of balancing detail with reader imagination and you get a lot out in few words. Kind of chilling, really.

[Hello, Goodbye]

dark and ultimately tragic, i love the story along with its bleak feeling.. fantastic.

[augustmoon80]

A tragic read. I love it!

[Emilee Grimm]

wow this was an amazing way to write such a poem. I don't know if you meant for it to be, but I interpret it as being about a girl who commited suicide. But the way you wrote it, you don't know until the end with the empty bottle of pills. Wonderful poem and great choice of words and topic! I wouldn't change a thing!

[Sam]

I'm curious to know what your english assignment was.

[Geralyn Miller]

Your powers of description and understanding of the subject are exquisite. It is not uncommon, unfortunately, for people to "suceed" in committing suicide when what they wanted was attention; or they realize after it is too late that they don't want to die.

[Jenny Whitfield]

I actually really liked this, it's amazing the detail you've put in and how a matter so serious has been turned into a lovely poetic piece. :)