A Life Once Lost

Story

Forty dollars a month to live on in exchange for coming to class, getting good grades,and staying out of trouble, in and out of school. So far I ve managed to do all of theabove. How? I ve not a damn clue.

Don t think of me as ungrateful, because that I am not. However, I am stubborn,obnoxious, sarcastic, and rude. I don t like people and they don t like me. That s how itwas even before this point in my life and that s how it shall remain. This is the equilibriumin which I live my life and if that should change, it would be as if the fate of the world, landed on my shoulders.

Then there was Kaylin Renolds, my only friend. And one friend is what I need. The onlythings is, nobody knows were friends. Nobody s allowed to know were friends. Not mychoice, hers. But this means that all my secrets can be confided in her because she willnever tell them. I know this because she ll never talk about me. She d never speak myname, Nobody does and this is what makes our friendship so successful.

Surprisingly enough, she is the preppy blonde cheerleader. She is the straight A, classpresident, friends with everyone, adored by everyone kind of girl. Only all her friendsknow and love her for all the wrong reasons. Everyone knows it, just nobody says it. Yeah,she s hot and has lots of friends. But, the only thing her other friends that are girls knowabout her is that she has a lot of attractive guy friends, get into lots of parties, and drivesa really expensive car. In an alternate universe sort of way, I kind of feel bad for her.

I mean, she may think she has it all, but in reality, she has nothing. As least when peoplelook at me they see me for what I am. A home less, dirty, stubborn, hard working,a*s-beating, b***h. This is what I am, and I live for it. I was turned inCHNKWKS P¯ˇˇˇˇTEXTTEXTˆAFDPPFDPPDFDPCFDPCFSTSHSTSHHSTSHSTSHH2SYIDSYIDPHSGP SGP dHINK INK hHBTEPPLC lHBTECPLC �'HFONTFONTúH<STRSPLC ÿH:PRNTWNPRIgFRAMFRAMyMàTITLTITLN<DOP DOP =Nk of me as ungrateful, becausethat I am not. HoA LIFE ONCE LOST

I m swimming in an ocean, a deep, dark ocean. I open my mouth as I could breath but thewater fills my lungs. I try to cough it out but when I exhale, more rushes in. Pulling medown, drowning me. The water is murky and the salt burns my eyes. The seaweed iswrapping around my angles. I can t kick, I can t breath, I can t see and I m drowning.Drowning, in an ocean, a deep dark ocean.

I open my eyes. It was just a dream. I inhale the thick polluted oxygen. It s the closest I llget to breathing. This is my home now. I kick off the sack that covers my frail pale legs.The school bell is ringing. I pull the sack up around my shoulders. The new term isstarting today. Thought it is early September, the air is a bitter mist engulfing my bodyinto a chilling shiver. As I trudge toward the school, a group of girls brush past mesmelling like apple-pomegranate. How I wish I could turn the scent of soot into lavender.The scent reminds of the life I once lived.

The home-room bell rings and I m in my usual seat, the back left corner closest to thewindow. Back in my corner I can dream up new ways of escaping through the window andflying away to a play where people are waiting to meet me. Just waiting to shake my hand.But that is a different dream.

You may ask how I got to this point, but I m not sure I m ready to tell you yet. I don tknow if I can trust you. As we carry on, I ll see how I feel about you. But for now, lets justmake it through today. I will inform you that yes, I m 17 years old, my name is Ariana, andI do not have a home. I am in school due to the gratitude of my 9th grade English teacher,who has faith in me for some reason I cannot seem to conjure up. But I m on what iscalled student-aid, I am supplied a certain amount of moneto such, only about 4 monthsago. My father died in a car accident, and my mothers body was nowhere to be found. Iwas too old for an orphanage but too young for a cardboard box. So, instead I find shelterin Kaylin s shed. Her parents would completely dissect her if they ever knew so I m in afterdark and out at sunrise. Luckily, her house is right behind the school so I don t have towalk far and I m never late. Once a week she sneaks me in the house to shower. I m verygrateful for her, without her, I d have a one box shanty.

Anyways, maybe we should jump ahead to where I am now, not where I ve been. No box,just a potato sac behind the liquor store on main street. How d I get here? This much I willdivulge to you. Don t ever believe someone when they say they want to be friends thenconvince you to do something you would never do in a million years. I should be behindbars but luckily I ve always been a fast runner. I guess you could say I m hiding out rightnow. I ve already lost my student aid, my only friend, basically everything I had going forme right now. And even though it wasn t much it was enough to get me by. As if I m notashamed enough, need I remind you, IM SLEEPING IN A DAMN SACK. Graciously, theweather has held out for me and it is now the end of May and the air is warm and moist.

Okay, okay, I ll tell you. Kaylin was friends with this girl Brooke who was convinced herand I hung out. Well, obviously but that s not the point. Anyways& the point was nobodywas supposed to know and Brooke was the last person I ever expected. She started talkingto me in class one day asking if I wanted to go shopping after school at the mall with her.Duh? I m broke, can t you smell it? But to be nice, I thought well, what the hell could gowrong with a little harmless walk around the mall? When we got there everything wasgoing fine she bought us smoothies and we walked around for a bit. She was buyingeverything she liked, and I had an empty smoothie cup. Pretty soon I was carrying bags forher because she couldn t carry anymore. Just then, I had this great idea to impress her andthink I d look cool, maybe, and we could hang out more like this. Hell, I was having ablast.

We walked into this store that sold really cheap pants and clearly I had no money so Ithought, why not give myself a little five finger discount. I think I deserve it. I ve workedhard for months to get where I am now, I think I am entitled to a little reward. So, I toldBrooke to pick me out a pair she thought were cute without security tags on it.

This is the part where I d enjoy calling Brooke all kinds of vulgar names, but not onlywould it make me feel any better, but I as well, do not find it very classy. Either way, shewent into the dressing room, took off the security tags, placed the pants in my bag andwe were on our way. Only after the fact that I walked through the doors, had the beeperstarted going off did I realize, why on earth would Brooke want to be friends withsomeone like me? With her 72 acres, black beamer, and $300 hair weave. Duhhh, Ariana.Never the less, out came the pants with the tags hidden in the pocket and Brooke nowhereto be found. Long story short, I got arrested, lost my student-aid and now I m sleepingunder an awning where I scarf down whatever s left in the bottles they ve thrown in thedumpster to numb the pain of my own stupidity.

But! Might I remind you, I m SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD. Duh, I m going to do stupid stuff.Anyways, I can t complain completely about the outcome of my situation. Due to myrecent run in with the police, my mother, who miraculously isn t dead but just happenedto run away has surfaced and come to find me. It might sound strange, but yes I amhiding from my mother. If she could just up and leave and then magically want to be backin my life, why would I want her there? Clearly, I was doing a better job taking care ofmyself to begin with. Hell, if I didn t depend on myself I d have no one to believe in. Sothank you mom, for setting me free. Most people would see my situation as distasteful,pathetic, sad, unpleasant, but I find myself free.

I am swimming in an ocean, a shallow yet wide, bright ocean. The sun light is shiningthrough the ripples on the surface illuminating the coral reef below. I open my mouth tobreath and it s as if the water s become part of me. I am breathing in water. I am a fish, ina large bright ocean. I open my eyes and the water is cool and refreshing. It s as if thelight and the cool and the clear and the clean is being absorbed in my body. The sewaeedflows with the current, untangled and free. I m not kicking, I m floating. In this ocean, inmyself, and I am free. And this may seem sad and lonely but I m happier with me where Iam. Under the sack, behind the liquor store, alone, and free.