Thump

The waves crashed upon the shore

and the man stands with a knife

He grasps it tightly-

Wanting to die a little more-

Every second that passes

He sees nothing but the fog

Like a maze it confuses him

He tries to walk forward but collapses

The beat of his heart....

thump thump thump thump

Is all that he feels.

And the thoughts of her....

thump thump thump

Is all he can see...

He questions his sanity...

thump thump thump

Is the beat of his heart real?

Thump thump...

Is his reality even worth living?

He sees the waves-

as the waves sees him-

Thump...

and he looks down...

and tries to pull the...

Thump....

Knife..

Thump...

He closes his eyes as the waves and fog smother him.

Reviews

[alan peter kelly]

Im guessing you are young...observe you were much younger when you wrote this piece. I mean to be only constructive here and will start by relating that i enjoyed your write. It got off to a bit of a shakey start...past and present tense need either, i believe, to be one or the other. I would suggest PRESENT tense.
I need to suggest, respectfully, a few, minor editorial ammendments.
Waves crash upon the shore
man stands with knife in hand.
Grasping it tightly~
he wants to die a little more~

There are a number of, what in my extensive experience, one could say superfluous words which i know would assist your poem flow but such details are probably best left to your own discovery through further literary experience. Again, i enjoyed your write and hope to get back and read some more, sometime.

[Teenage Romeo]

its like the waves..were getting closer and closer i love this alot