Little Herring

I just wrote this, and probably has a bunch of errors, but I'll leave it here just in case... I don't even know to be honest, but feel free to provide corrections~

The heartwarming blue of the vast Atlantic sea he called home never fascinated him. No, this fish, this one in particular, this unique little herring apart from all the other herrings, was looking for something greater and he knew he could find such thing if he were to venture out of the school. He had dreams the other herrings didn't have and he thought things the other herrings didn't think, alas, he wasn't even sure the others could think. The few times he tried to interact with the others resulted in the same monotonous answer - “Swim swim! Left and right! Across the sea!” - yet he felt a certain joy in their chant. Unfortunately our little herring here can't feel such joy, he felt the whole thing was too boring and...inconclusive. He felt like this was preventing him from having any meaning in his life. All he ever did, all they ever did was swimming together following a certain order that was implemented by who-knows-who.

The lack of diversity also bothered him. They were all equal - same age, same appearance - and any herring that defied this rule would be expelled and/or ignored by the group. He understood this had it's reasons, he understood that members that looked different would attract predators but, he imagined it would be “fun” if they could have more diversity among them like for example - he would like to be red - he liked the color red...and so did sharks. He sometimes would wonder if there was something wrong with him for liking the color red and more precisely, for being different. Could it be? “Am I a shark?!” He thought, and immediately realized how stupid and dumb that sounded, he was just an herring. At that moment he came to the conclusion he came to many times before, he's just a little fish, and all his surroundings are bigger than him. He has no power to change the school or to change the nature of it's predators in order to allow different herrings into the school.

He wished he could be more than just a little herring, he wished he was a...shark? No... “Sharks are still small.” He thought, sharks were still small compared to them, yes, he knows what he wants to be now. Their ultimate predator. He has seem them in a few occasions, they're creatures that have the power to surpass their own natural conditions, in contrast with his kind which has to live with whatever nature provides. If he could be one of them...yes...he could be greater for real and venture around the world instead of staying in this stupid and boring school of mindless herrings. He felt sad and revolted against nature - “Why was I born an herring?!” - and he cried and cried - “Why can't I be like them?!”.

Oh little herring, you know nothing.

Author's Note

Sorry about the font size about any higher and the spacing between lines would become super short and that would worsen even more the reading experience.
PS: My english vocabulaire is obviously ver limited, and that is because english isn't my main language.

Reviews

[D.Anthony Bell-Paris]

Winter,

Great little allegory, love the Herring as a character. First, I think that your english is better than many who call it their first language. Your vocabulary is good, although it could be polished in place to provide a more distinct tone for the narrator. I like that it is a meditation by the Herring, lots of internal monologue, although, I wanted to see our fishy little protagonist. Maybe see through his eyes for a second here and there. If you gave us a descriptive picture of the Herring, and then him/her doing something, even just swimming around one rocks, it would give the reader a mental picture to hold onto. Maybe give them the sound of the ocean, the smell of the sea, he sees bubbles under water. If you paint a vivid picture for your audience they will follow you anywhere. I would experiment with some fish metaphors just for fun.

Great draft, keep going!

Best,
-D.Anthony

[winter;lyra]

Hi D.Anthony
Thank you so much for the review, you see, my actual aspiration is to be a writer and not a poet even though most of my work here is poetry, so advices like this are really usefull to me. Well, it's not like I didn't know this already but it helps...i don't know how to say this in english but let's just say it helps craving it in my mind. Now, about your advice (again, thank you), what I intended here was not a developed story about the little herring's life, I just wanted to explore his mind and present it to the writer in a brief way but still transmiting a strong message, which is my main point here, the message I mean. However, now that I think about it, I could also use a more developed story, incorporating the herring's life and strenghen the message at the same time, I don't want to add more story without having the new parts fill a role in my main point. Something that I need to think about.

Okay, now I have a clearer picture of what I wanted to say and it's basically this: My main intention is not presenting his life or his character, just his mind and after that transmit the message I want to.
Sorry if my english failing again...I'm very insecure about it.

[winter;lyra]

present it to the reader*