Aug 3, 2014

     Be it so, those 40 days that appear to play some significant role in the Bible.  I can only pray, this will be new beginnings I have been hoping for.  There is that pestering feeling of doubt that runs it's nasty course in the back of my head.  But I do not doubt that there is a transformation ensuing inside me.  Day by day, there is something dying.  I feel punishment would not be the right word to hold it's prosecution against my own trials and tribulations in this particular scenario.  There is not an hour that goes by without a thought of Jesus, unless you count my slumber.  If that is the case, that might explain why I can only remember so vividly; the nightmares.

       I only fear the end result of those 40 days.  To even see if there is to be a result, or an answered demand to my one and only plea.  To ignite my Holy Spirit.  Is there is to be no such answer, I fear more catastrophe is well on it's way.  In this case, I cannot figure out, if I am putting out the fire or attempting to ignite my own.

    Yet, I am learning to upload every ounce of my trust, love, and faith into the Creator of life and matter.  What makes this more difficult is the majority of my fuel to my desire, is fear.  I do believe the God given lesson of patience will play out it's enduring route, and with me somewhere within it's trajectory.  I am still learning and evolving into "something" more significant beyond my understanding.