Dec 27, 2005

Going from wrong to righteous is by no means a one step process.  God intentionally made me a loving and good person at heart.  But mingling in all the sin was something God had not intended me to do.  Therefore using the hose from a holy fire hydrant to blast the dirt and grime I’ve accumulated from turning down the wrong path.  Going into Heaven is a privilege!  A privilege I am far from deserving.

           

Now I feel clean, at least the majority of the time.  But the pain will not stop, often hitting me in waves of sadness, loneliness, and depression.  Something no God made human can heal but only soothe at times.  I feel like Edgar Allen Poe… only not dark and less creepy.  I realize pain is a blessing… a blessing I am very familiar with.  Others I’m sure have felt much worse.  It feels like a test.  But it is said in the bible, that God will only put us through what we can handle. That to me is extremely motivating and inspiring.  What doesn’t kill me, only makes me stronger and if I can hold my ground against this test I’m afraid as to what else will be thrown at me.  These tests are strong enough to bring me to my knees and beg for God’s mercy.  Which in return brings me to the realization I belong to God and without Him, I am nothing but a 160 lb. chunk of flesh.  I have fluctuating spiritual moments when I feel like I can take on the world, and then there are other times when a single negative thought can bring me down.

           

Love and pain seem to go hand to hand, but in other cases they seem to be so distant from one another.  Loving and being loved by another person can be the greatest feeling in the world but when it ends, it hurts to say the least.  It is said love is a choice, but is pain a choice?  I think if you love, you can’t escape pain.  God is love!  Love is everywhere therefore pain is everywhere.  Considering love is a choice, I choose love, in return I must be willing to accept and stand up against pain, and the only way of healing my pain is through Jesus Christ Himself.