Oct 10, 2005

So where do I began?!  It began Thursday after work, I went straight to South Carolina to visit my girlfriend till Monday.  Everything was going awesome till Saturday afternoon, at the beach.  We basically broke up, not by my choice.  I was completely shattered to say the least.  And I'm sure a lot of you are thinking... "Wow, she is so mean."  I'm not mad at her, nor do I hate her.  But what she told me afterward is what ignited a passion I've never really shared with anyone.  I'm a really big Christian.  I know I will be criticized for my decision, but guess what?  He made a sacrifice and so can I.  It wasn't until this weekend that I realized what she had been telling me.  Everything we have... our cars, jobs, how much money we make... is only temporary.  But it's what happens after we die, is what counts.  Normally this would go in one ear and out the other, but the only way for this to sink is, is to totally devastate me.  I think God put me in a relationship with her for this to happen.  I'm probably just speaking for myself, but I think a good way to change someone is to completely turn their world upside down.  Why do you think a lot of people who go to prison end up turning into a Christian.

But anyway.  I honestly was thinking while I was in a relationship with Jen, that if we broke up, it wouldn't be so bad, because I would just go back to my old ways.  It's so tempting to, but I won't.  Sure, I'll be the same Justin to hang out with.  Before her, I was single for over 3 years, and there was a reason for that.  I got hurt bad once before, and it turned me into someone bitter and so much hatred towards relationships.  I'm still not looking for one.  But I hear you asking, "Why would you get into a relationship with Jen?"  Well I'll tell you young grasshopper.  I've never met anyone like her before.  She is the most unique person I've ever met.  Believe it or not, she has the biggest heart I've ever seen in a human being.  She's very intelligent, beautiful, and influential.  On my way back from South Carolina today, I turned on the radio to a Christian station... and never have I felt so much at peace with myself.

As far as my relationship with her, it's over... for now.  Hopefully in the future.  If God thinks we're better off together, He'll put us back together.  Until then, I'll just keep living my life with a few changes.  I still love her.  I can't help it.  And PLEASE, no one confront me about my ending relationship, because it still hurts a lot.  But if you wanna go to a church with me or something, just let me know, or even talk about Jesus or whatever... but you have to understand I might seem uncomfortable because I have a hard time expressing myself.

Just remember, it doesn't matter if you're a Christian or not... Jesus loves you.