Albatross

Just caught in one of those perfect moments

Get high, get drunk, work all night while the world sleeps -

In the kitchen a guitar slowly wailes -

It's balmy, slightly humid -

The street lamps cast their orange hue -

The hizzz sound, only audible during those short summer nights, remind me that even in this old port town, each board and rusted nail reek and sweat of the smells and knowing of the countless tales of men that they have witnessed; each high pitched scream of a siren pulsating through every broad boulevard and narrow alley; all of it reminds me that life is still electric and all of it worth living.

Author's Note

The moment was beautiful, if you have a perfect moment in mind..capture it in a cage of words, lemme know and I'll read it.

Reviews

[VioletSerendipity]

I really like how descriptive you are but I think the last paragraph should be broken up into different phrases or sentences like the beginning. Its a bit hard to follow since it's all in one sentence. Otherwise it sounds like a beautiful moment and you did capture it beautifully.

[MeathooksMcGee]

Thank you so much for the constructive criticism. Seems so many people on here are trying not to hurt feelings but then how do we grow! Thanks again!

[VioletSerendipity]

Of course. Thats why I joined this website, to get the honest truth about my writing from people who don't know me!

[Nigel Newman]

The 2nd one of yours that I've read, and I shall be back for more! I love the ability to re-create that moment in time. (Different style but I have a lyric/poem 'A single strand of hair' which I will check if I've uploaded). It also reminds me of my 'Night Windows' which you kindly took a look at.

Forgive a couple of typo observations - 'wails' and 'reminds' (or 'sounds').

You have a way of painting well observed daubs that between them make a picture of a memory. I'm no art expert so I'll just say 'impressionist' and leave it at that. For some reason I'll write but can't quite trace I'm thinking David Duchovny monologues / voice-overs on Red Shoe Diaries.

Regards
Nigel

[MeathooksMcGee]

Thank you! Especially for pointing out the typos!

[FJ Davis]

Nicely drawn.
Profoundly perceptive.
Much enjoyed!

[MeathooksMcGee]

Looks like you used your pretty words lol!

Any criticism?

[FJ Davis]

Yes, you expect too much attention.

[MeathooksMcGee]

Ha! Ha! Don't we all my man