Good Girl

I challenged myself to write about a pleasant childhood memory... This is what came out. Not quite what I had aimed for.

     Bear loved her little girl. She used her large, furry, black side to herd her girl into bed. She wasn't stupid; she knew the girl wasn't "hers." It was as bald as her master, but she was a good girl and she needed Bear. It felt good to be needed.

     Bear took the inside of the bed and laid her head across the girl's side, the perfect view of the bedroom door. The girl fingered the edge of the blankie, so tired, but she still wanted to play. "No, no, time to sleep," she thought as she nipped the edges of the blankie away. Bear settled back into her spot and listened for her girl's breath to soften and slow. Bear loved her family, and her little girl most of all.

     This family needed her, she thought. Her master was gone most of the day. Her girl was growing as a strangely slow pace. It had taken her ages to walk. Bear worried over her tirelessly, but somehow the runt was surviving, and most importantly, she was happy. The woman of the house was clearly pregnant again and seemed to have no appreciation of danger. The woman let anyone into their home, people Bear had never seen before, people who smelled funny, people who were too interested in her girl. It was frustrating that the woman was allowing this, but Bear knew that she had the size and strength and jaws to protect her home, so the woman let the strangers in and Bear just chased them away. Bear began to doze, her head bobbing up and down with her girl's breathing.

     Bear woke up to the woman calling for her. She checked her girl, asleep. It was daylight now; her girl would be fine. Bear went to see what the woman wanted. Bear ambled toward the woman who was gesturing toward the bathroom. Bear slowed down as she realized what the woman wanted. "No," Bear thought, leaning back onto her hind legs, "that's a terrible room to be in. Too far from her girl, too far from the front door."

     As the woman grabbed Bear's collar and began to drag her into the bathroom, there was a knock at the front door. Bear's instincts had been right. Bear searched the woman's eyes for a sign of recognition of her mistake, but she saw nothing but determination. Bear didn't want to hurt the woman, but her girl was alone and vulnerable and there were strangers at the door. Bear let out a low warning growl, "don't make this worse," she pleaded. The woman was not her favorite person, but she was still a part of her pack. Thankfully, the growl was enough. The woman came to her senses, and gestured at the strangers through the window. Bear thought it looked like a weak attempt at posturing, but it seemed to work. The strangers left.

    The woman looked frantic as she began pressing buttons on the phone. "Have him call me right back. It's an emergency." She sat on the couch, red-eyed. Perhaps she was still shaken from finally standing up to the strangers, Bear understood that feeling. Bear tried to comfort her, but the woman would have none of it.

     Bear's master came home unusually early that day. He and the woman talked in hushed, urgent tones. Bear waited for him at the back door where she could keep an eye on her girl in the yard, but still watch over the house. Bear's master seemed strangely subdued as he called for her. He led her outside to the passenger seat of the car. Bear loved a car ride. She rested her head out the window and let her black tongue dangle as she smiled into the wind.

     Her master pulled up to a window where he was handed a paper wrapped package. It smelled of fat and salt. She salivated and waited hopeful that he would share. He opened the package and placed the entire thing beside her. "Go ahead, girl. It's for you." That was all she needed to hear. He started the car and continued driving. His voice sounded strangely tight as he began, "You've been a real good girl, Bear."

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

This is a sweet story, suitable for warming the hearts of children of all ages. I struggled a bit at first, trying to figure out who/what Bear was, but then decided it was a teddy bear. A little while later, I let out a Homer Simpson "Doh!" when it was clear that Bear was a dog. Certainly the loyal, protective Bear deserves that happy meal.

[Melissa]

Thank you for reading this one. I haven't been sure how I felt about it quite yet. I think the perspective feels a bit... I'm not sure, I like the perspective and it feels right to me, but I was afraid it might come off a bit cheesy, personified animals. However, your review has made me think that I used too few words, as I seem to have missed my mark. This story is rather sad for me.

[Samuel Dickens]

If things aren't laid out for me in an easy to understand manner, I often misinterpret. That said, you might want to get a few more to read it before making a lot of changes.

[Agyani]

It took a while to know that Bear is a dog, but it's alright. There is a shift in the perception and visualization when one realizes what's going on, and I find that interesting and gripping as a reader.

I don't wish to speculate much on the mother and father of the little girl here. What's strange is that you came up with this story as a fond memory! A story about a loyal and faithful dog's final days. Always a slow and piercing dagger.

I liked the story. Maybe add some moments with the child or anything that can help the reader see more of Bear? It's only fair for the poor creature.

[Melissa]

Thank you! I really appreciate this feedback. I'm happy to hear about your experience reading it. That is what I was hoping for when I wrote it. I agree with you that the mother an father are not so important here, and I like your suggestion of adding some more memories of Bear. Thank you again!

[Corset]

It feels like to me the woman is having affairs or allowing the girl to be hurt by strangers and Bear is having none of it, however being unable to interpret Bears behavior and the woman insists he get rid of Bear, Dad is taking poor Bear for a final ride...or Dad already knows the woman is bad news , this is where it gets confusing. I feel it needs to be fleshed out more to get your meaning across, but I picked up a ominous air about the woman's activities, and how they might endanger the child at night. I enjoyed the story from the pets point of view, and read it without pause all the way through, I can only speculate from personal prospective at this point and maybe that was your intent. Like Bear, I can only sense something is not "right" with that woman.

[Melissa]

Thank you for the thorough review. I think I probably do need to flesh it out a bit more. I might give it a bit of space and then add to it.

[Corset]

Definitely up to you, enjoyed it as is, leaves room for pondering like a sequel does :D