What If

How I wished to turn around and change it all.

After three years of “blithely” exploring the world,
I finally find myself here for no reason.
Wondering why why I've come back to this place,
I realize I don’t know myself fully well.

Oh!  Will someone listen to my gibberish talk?
I’m here with my heart aching, wishing it to stop.
I’m here with thoughts a mess, wishing it to explode.
I’m here all alone, no more will to call the dawn.

I still remember that dreadful night.
Our lives were perfect.  We had everything back then.
Oh!  You took me to my favorite place that night.
Everything was bliss like heaven on earth.

You said that the night would be full of surprises.
Indeed it was!  That single night changed everything.
Fate took it all like the sea crashing down on us,
I had it all. It was ruined by one girl.

You tried to talk to me but my heart was filled with rage.
You said you loved me.  I knew, but I felt betrayed.
I left, weeping my misfortune,
And shut the door wishing the darkness to fade away.

After crying in what seemed an eternity,
My mind became clear, I resolved to talk to you
Suddenly, my phone rang and I received a message.
A message that flung my life into chaos.

Life, as I have learned, is a series of what if’s.
The clock ticks.  The river flows.  Neither can be reversed.
I wish had the power to travel back.
Would it make a difference and save your life?

What if I'd never left?  What if I'd listened first?
You would't have gone after me. Your car wouldn't have crashed.
The doctor wouldn't have said you were dead on arrival.
And most of all, I would had said yes to you that night.

I must be the silliest girl in the world right?
I am sitting here regretting all of those events.
Still hoping that I can find a way through these tears,
I suddenly catch sight of something on my bed.

I realized it was from you.  It was a book.
Something that you loved with all your heart which pissed me off.
Just seeing this has made the world crash over me.
It was a million times worse than what Atlas had.

The book was slightly open and I see a ring
Together with these four words which bring such pain to me.
The page has these words highlighted “Will you marry me?”
It just made the night a series of what if’s.

Author's Note

I know it's not that good but please review and rate it...
But I originally intended for this one to be story...
Probably I'll write the story sometime in the future...
Happy reading...
(^_^)

Reviews

[ash]

Heartbreak personified. You're very good at setting the mood. Now, if you can get your tenses and grammar straight, you'll have a masterpiece. Because it IS so good, I'm going to try to point out what I've seen.
Verse 1 - line 2 - "found" works, but "find" matches the tense in the next verse
Line 3 - you might want to try "why I've come back" instead of "why I came back"
Line 4 - Sounds as though you are now realizing this, so I'd change "realized" to "realize"
Verse 2 - meanings are unclear.
line 2 - what do you want to stop? The heart? The aching? Or both?
Line 3 - Again, no clue to what "it" refers. What I get from this line is "My thoughts are a mess. I wish my heart would explode" Is this what you mean?
Verse 3 - line 1 - I would delete the "'Til now" and the "can" and start the line with "I still remember..."
line 2 - this is past tense, so "Our lives were perfect. We had everything..."
line 4 - past tense, so "Everything was bliss like heaven on earth." Leave out the "is" before "on earth"
Verse 4 - line 1 - past tense. "...the night would be full..."
line 2 - past tense "Indeed it was"
line 4 - past tense. "I had it all. It was ruined..."
Verse 5 - line 2 - past tense. "Our lives were perfect. We had everything..."
line 4 -
Verse 5 - line 1 "...my heart was filled..."
line 2 - "... said you loved me. I knew, but felt betrayed."
line 3 - feels as though it should read "I left, weeping for my misfortune"
line 4 - "and shut the door..."
Verse 6 - I agree with a previous reviewer - the word "in" should be the word "for"
line 3 - "...suddenly my phone rang"
line 4 - the word "sent" is too weak for the emotion you've put into it. How about "The message flung my life into chaos"
Verse 7 - line 2 - needs to change "Both can't..." to "neither can..."
line 3 - past tense - "...wish I had the..."
line 4 - leave out the word "still"
Verse 8 - line 1 - tense - "What if I'd..." in both places
line 2 - tense - "You would not have gone after me, your car wouldn't have
crashed"
line 3 - tense - "...doctor wouldn't have said you were..."
Verse 9 - line 2 - How about "I am sitting here regretting..."
line 4 - tense (this one should be present to agree with rest of this verse) "I suddenly catch sight..."
Verse 10 - line 2 - unclear - what pissed you off? the book or the fact that he loved it so, or???
line 4 - tense - "...what Atlas had" or endured, or something like that
Verse 11 - line 1 - this verse also seems to be in the present tense. "...slightly open and I see..."
line 2 - tense - "...which bring such pain to me"
line 3 - "the page has these words highlighted..."
line 4 - doesn't quite fit. How about "Just made the night a series of what ifs" or something like that.

I'm not a poet, and prefer not to read the dark stuff, but you have a lot of skill. All that I can help with is grammar, punctuation and that sort of stuff.

Now I'm going to find my box of tissues and recover.
ash

[Meallea Pomorette]

I'll work with it when I found some time...
Probably by the weekend or as long as I have no homeworks to do...

Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!

[TheSearcher]

Well If it isn't the What if game. I like your interpretation of life accompanying it with the What If.

[Helen Crutchett]

So sad. You penned this from a deep place and it shows all the emotions flowing from your pen. Yes, do write a story about this, but in the meantime this poem is great! ~ Helena :)

[Phillitup]

I have encountered many a loss...among my own life and through the people on this website. Tell me...is this story true? I don't mean to be intrusive, however, your writing is so deep, it intrigues me. I am drawn in by the words in this poem. It is quite well written, if it wasn't, I wouldn't have been interested at all. It was amazing.

Thanks for sharing this poem.

Phillitup

[Meallea Pomorette]

Sad to say, the story is not true... But many people said that it seems like it was a true story...
Anyway, thanks for reading...
(^_^)

[Phillitup]

Of course...I still felt the reality of it smack me in the face, that just tells you how good it is...:)

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thank you...
(^_^)

[David Scott]

First, it was indeed "good". Yes you could refine and improve your work, but it is "good". This write feels real and exposed. You made me stop and think. You told a story. You asked important questions. So, all of that is very "good".
Secondly, the topic is one all of us must deal with. Nothing goes according to our plans and we will always be left wondering "what if". Just do not live in that question. We must eventually move on to "What IS". That is the only answere...
Be well.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks for reading...
(^_^)

[Amber_A]

Simply heartbreaking. But I loved it.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...

[Jeremiah Medina]

love it.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...

[Jeanne Grey]

For so many words it didn't say much to me. Good idea but needs defining and details. How do these "if's" relate? who is this "I" develop that Character.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks for pointing that out...
I don't know how to answer such questions...
This poem just pop out of nowhere...
(^_^)

[Shattered_Violet]

I agree that life it full of "What If's". I agree with Ash that there are some grammar fixes and some wording you could do to make the poem flow better. Still, in it's current state the reader can understand the meaning.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...

[sparklingfacet]

Your poem drew me in! Thoroughly enjoyed it. You are a strong storyteller. Keep it up!

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...

[Castonovia]

Powerful with strong emotions indeed, *what if* questions left unanswered... delving into the past can be a terrible thing especially if the future before us lays forgotten, not moving forward. What can you do though, but not fret over such things? Heartbreak and other events does that to people... just leave you wondering about what you could have done differently and how it would have turned out. Well penned write ;)

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...

[Castonovia]

My pleasure :p