Mingling Darkness

Eased by words

I am the kind of person living in silence
Always distant to others like a pestilence.
I’m the kind of person who tries to be cheerful
Though my life can always be deemed as sorrowful.

I must admit that I’m tired of this loneliness
How I wished I can mingle with some company
And just once, try to experience some happiness
For I’m hoping to find my day to be sunny.

But I suppose it will only stay as a dream
Because speaking out does not come naturally.
I always feel like I’m being pushed off the rim
Always the odd man out in the large family.

So maybe I’ll just follow the steps of a friend.
Pour all of those unspoken thoughts into writing
And try to find comfort in these words without end
Until I can sleep peacefully in my lodging.

Well, I really hope this is the right place for me.
I wish it will not vanish like a phantasm
Because staying in this void is too much for me
And loneliness alone lives in that big dark chasm.

Author's Note

I know it's kind of confusing everyone but please bear with me ...
Review and rate please ...
It will be greatly appreciated ...

Reviews

[ash]

You've really done a good job setting the mood. I can hear and identify with the desolation you seem to feel in this poem. That said, I question some of your word usage.
Verse 1, line 2 - pestilence is disease. Disease doesn't stay distant from others, but takes them.
Verse 2, line 2 - mingle takes the word "with" rather than "for." Your line should still scan the same as with and for are 1 syllable each.
Verse 3, line 1 - the last 3 words should be "stay a dream" instead of "stay as dream"
Verse 5 - line 2 - I went to Thesaurus.com to check out phantasm, as I wasn't sure it was the word you wanted. Its definition is "illusion" while the word "phantom" means "ghost, figment of the imagination" They're both similar and you may mean exactly what you said. I'm just making suggestions.

The poem has a good flow to it, a good rhythm, and I like the way you balance opposites.

Judith

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks for the review... I have a hard time choosing words and I always forget the rules with the word usage...
Verse 1, line 2 - I used pestilence because sometimes when there is one people tend to avoid it ...
Verse 2, line 2 - I guess I overlooked that one ...
Verse 3, line 1 - I forgot to add a ... It's supposed to be "stay as a dream"
Verse 5, line 2 - I'm actually hesitant about using the word phantasm but the meaning I intend for it is imagination...
Anyway, I really thank you for reviewing and correcting errors...
I really appreciate it...

[Muhammad Qasim]

oh .. WOW .. awesome poem .. really great .. i totally know the feeling

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...

[twinklestar]

;( you have spoken for me... Thank you for this is the story of my life. All wrapped up into a beautifully tragic poem

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks for reading...

[Sid]

Good clean write, not at all confusing, you bring out the emotions very well. The rhyming does seem to be struggling a bit like Hanakuso said, but otherwise this is great write. Well done!!

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...
I'll work with the rhyming in my other poems...
(^_^)

[Sid]

:)

[DrD]

Of all your work, this is my favorite because it contains more of the residue of the sentiment forcing the words. I like very much that you chose to work in prose because it demands intricate word combinations to express point with beauty. It is practice alone that makes this happen but you are well on your way and this write I enjoyed reading very much.

[Meallea Pomorette]

I'm really glad you like it...
It's actually my first poem so I'm kind of nervous about it...

[J. Write]

This is beautiful, well written poem. I love the emotions reflected through your descriptions. Lovely. Thank you for sharing.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...
I'm really happy that you did not find it a little bit confusing...

[Talal Hussain]

great poem :-)

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thanks...
(^_^)

[khalid]

again, depressed feelings are shown and again they are very well expressed with very nice slow music throughout the lines and the metaphor...
great work my friend..
thank you

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thank you for reading...
I really like tragedies and sad stories so what I always wrote turn out to be one... I don't even know why...
(^_^)

[PurpleQuartz]

There was so much meaning in this poem. Really sad, and not at all confusing.
Keep writing.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Thank goodness you're not confused with this one... I was actually worried because it is the first one I wrote... Thanks for the review...

[Hanakuso]

This sounds like the person looking for a friend. D'awwww.*hugs*
I have to say that the rhyming is struggling a little. It's kind of depressing, but in a weird way, it's like clinging on to hope. Beautifully sad.

[Meallea Pomorette]

Yes... I'm struggling a little bit with rhyming... And it's even hard to do so with my mother tongue... Anyway, thanks for reviewing...