Untitled

Hey girl,

Sitting behind me,

How long were you with me?

Legs crossed,

Sitting so nicely,

But spreading those wings,

For all to see.

 

Hey girl,

There's something about you.

It's nudging me towards you.

Don't wait.

Show me a sign.

I'm a little too nervous,

And a little too shy.

 

I always wanted to turn around,

And know you.

I never wanted to ghost,

And fade away,

Like dreams of yesterday.

 

Hey girl,

Now that you're gone,

I'm still thinking about you.

These thoughts,

They're all that I have,

To add any value,

To what could be.

 

Hey girl,

You're walking my way.

How quickly I notice.

That face,

With a smile and wave,

An explosion of colors,

Meant just for me.

 

I always wanted to turn around,

And stop you.

I never wanted to ghost,

And fade away,

Like dreams of yesterday.

 

Hey girl,

This season's been rough,

I'm a little bit lost now.

My luck,

It's always been down,

But I think I've been saving,

It all for you.

 

Hey girl,

The tables have turned,

I'm sitting behind you.

These days,

I run through them all,

To get to the seconds,

When I'm with you.

 

I always wanted to say,

How much I like you.

I never wanted to wait,

And walk away,

With all these things to say.

 

Hey girl,

Now that you're here,

I've been writing about you.

These words,

They're the best I can sign,

With stories of us,

In every line.

 

Hey girl,

Is this a dream?

You're more than I hoped for.

My heart,

It beats out of time,

And I can never relax,

When you're in my mind.

 

I always wanted to say,

How much I love you.

I never wanted to wait,

And walk away,

With all these things to say.

 

My girl,

Here in my arms,

Sitting beside me.

I swear,

I knew all this time,

That one day you’d have me,

And you’d be mine.

 

I'm always going to say,

How much I love you.

I'm always going to turn around,

And tell you,

All the things, 

I was always scared to say.

Author's Note

It's been a while since I had something new. Not sure of what to call this one yet. It's the first piece I've written for a new book I'm working on.

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

Oh my goodness, thank God it had a great ending... when I started reading this particular piece, I was wondering if this would have a sad ending. But fortunately, it didn't happen. I am glad that you both are together now... Love is something strange. And all that happened with you is special.. The way you have written this poem, is like, one goes reading and reading... Repeating some lines sound very good. I am happy for both of you, reunited... Honestly, I have read many love poems, I also know lot of things about this feeling, as once it happened with me too. But I really wonder, what did I lack in my writings which I dedicated to him. We're separate now, at different places, me in high school and he in senior secondary school... I don't know if we'll meet again... All that I know is I loved for once, and loved like never cause he delighted my heart for ever and ever...
Anyway, I liked your writings so much!!!
Anindita : )

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Wow! Thank you for the amazing review, Ani! Your words are beyond kind. My heart goes out to you and your search for love. I pray everything will work out!

[Anindita Janhabee]

most welcome dear.. and yeah got the true love and really blessed for it....
hv gd days...

[Mari K]

I like how you told the story over time in such few words. We see the progression of love, from him being unnoticed to him being victorious in getting her. Good Write.

[Ashley]

sounds like a boy loves girl thingy.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

It's a great poem I like it. You perfectly describe love and closness between beloved person. Thanks for sharing.

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Thank you very much, my friend!

[Evariste Galois]

This is a great poem - one of the best I've read since I've started using this site. You seem to have a great grasp on how to make your audience read a poem the way you want them to, if that makes any sense. I've always thought that reading poetry is much like reading song lyrics without knowing how the tune goes. Good poets give their readers indication on how "the tune" should go through their choice of syllables, line breaks, full and partial rhymes, etc. and you do that well.

Your line breaks, especially in the first few stanzas, capture the hesitation and uncertainty that interrupts our thoughts when we feel irrational attraction. Verses like:

I always wanted to turn around,
And know you.

I always wanted to say,
How much I like you.

stuck out to me in that respect. As the poem progresses you do a great job of calming the tone down. The speaker's confidence and relief are easy to pick up on, but you never lose that sense of fascination he has with the girl of his dreams.

I never like to give praise without at least some honest criticism, so I'll tell you what I didn't really like,

I didn't like the various instances of this couplet:

And walk away,
With all these things to say.

and this one:

And fade away,
Like dreams of yesterday.

Think of reading a poem with a regular rhyme scheme through most of the body, and then coming to a place where the scheme is unexpectedly broken. Well you've got the opposite going on here. Most of your verses either do not rhyme, contain more subtle half-rhymes, or rhyme but are separated by a verse in between. I know you probably did this for the emphatic effect, but the rhyming couplet here sounds very very strong to the ear. Yes rhymes are meant to create "flow", but your poem already flows without such strong rhymes and couplets especially have always sounded Dr. Seuss -ish to me.

This is the only complaint I could come up with, and I'm only giving it because I think it's something you may not have considered from the reader's perspective.

Again though, excellent poem, I really enjoyed it.

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Wow! I can't thank you enough for the amazing review! I think it's safe to say that this is the most constructive review I've ever received on this site. I love your kind words in the beginning but I especially appreciate your criticism. You're right, it's something I haven't really considered from the reader's perspective. But I will definitely take that into consideration for future writes. Thank you so much again for everything, my friend!

[An owl on the moon]

I loved the sense of music that flowed through your words... tender glimpses filled with that feeling of dreamish light when one falls into the loving places of life... :)

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Thank you so much for your kind words, my friend! They are much appreciated!

[Amber Lily]

This is lovely. While reading it I was imagining it as a song and it worked very well! A very sweet and remember able write :)

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Thank you very much, Amber!

[Victoria]

I love this. It's delicate and powerful at the same time and that's something to be admired

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Thank you very much, Victoria! I appreciate your kind words!

[Corbin Driver]

An awesome piece of writing here!! I think mostly that the title should be "Hey Girl" just because it is repeated very often in the piece. Other than that this was very good writing!

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Thank you very much, my friend! And i think you're right about the title

[Lotus Flower]

I think the tittle should be "Hey Girl" naturally because it is often repeated, but I wish you alot of luck for your new book, this was definitely a great start!

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Thank you so much! I always appreciate all of your support and reviews, my friend! And i think you're right about the title!