Apology (haiku)

my love-hate relationship with winter. I love the skies, day and night, in winter they are intense and pure; hate the cold, brrrrr!

 arctic moonless night

glitzy celestial jewels

winter's atonement

Author's Note

a re-vert to my original. I Like this version better

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

Oh, Mary,
I love it, and the imagery soars in mind, heart, and soul sooo nicely!
The Haiku and Senryu forms have been among the most challenging for me to master, and I theorize it is that (although, they are short, and perhaps, because) they require such perfection to sing with purity.
Techy stuff: Consider your L1, for instance: The topic of it is "arctic night" and the description is "moonless" (as L2 is "celestial jewels" correctly described as "glitzy"), yet you have it reversed in L1; whereas I read it "moonless arctic night", which, also, to my poetic ear flows with greater ease. This form requires no punctuation; thus, "winter atonement" says the same thing. I love the word "celestial" which is the perfect core imagery. L2, the count is short (celes'chel), and "glitzy" feels sharp-pointed; consider "glinting" or "gleaming", or some-such.
Regardless, this beautiful Haiku virtually swims throughout the senses with gentle wonderment.
You inspire us, Mary, as you amaze and thrill …
thank you ever-so warmly and gratefully, for the magical moment's pleasure! ⁓ Richard

[Mary]

Richard, Thanks so much for your input- I agree, line 1 wording is reversed, and will fix this today. As for glitzy- I was looking for a word that implied "over the top bling." Any suggestions? L2: I thought celestial had 3 syllables, aren't there supposed to be 7 syllables? I always appreciate your reviews, and again, thanks!.

[Richard🖌]

Well, snow "glints", so "glinting" would do it for me, but you might consider,

moonless arctic night
glint bright celestial jewels
winter atonement

You are so very welcome, Mary! : )

[Mary]

If it's ok, I will probably take you up on your modifications. glint bright really works well. I also think taking the ' out of winter improves the sound of the poem when read aloud. again, Richard, much gratitude!
Mary ;-)

[Richard🖌]

"Okay" did you say?
Why, Mary dear, don't you know you so honor and pleasantly surprise me by accepting my little hints that I am dancing all inside. ; )
Thank you, Sweet Lady-Poet!

[Jibey]

The first two lines are striking in the clarity of their image... and the intriguing last line set me thinking, 'Why atonement'? But why not? It set me thinking - and that's what haikus do... Good one

[Mary]

thanks for the review. atonement in the sense that winter is saying to the shivering human, "you are cold, I know, but I will give you a most beautiful night sky, and I hope it will be some kind of atonement."

[Jibey]

Nice thought... often we want heat when we are cold... Maybe we should be content with the brightness above.

[Marie Anzalone]

I think you very nicely captured the essence of both haiku and winter here, Mary. You paint a vivid image in very few words, and give it deeper meaning. Nicely done.

[Mary]

thanks, Marie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

winter trying to atone for bringing us such cold weather...at least there is beauty in it...because it looks like glitzy jewels...the stars appease us.

i really like the form, less is more. And you do it so well.

jacob

[Mary]

thanks, Jacob

[WingsToFly]

beautiful

[Mary]

thanks Wings ;-)

[Marie]

Okay, this is fine. I counted the syllables, and they make a perfect haiku.

[Mary]

thank you so much!

[Michael G.]

I really liked the haiku. Hate the cold though. You made me see those jewels. Well done!

[Mary]

thanks, Michael. I think the beautiful skies of winter is Mother Nature's way of saying "sorry about the cold."

[asdarkeyesclose]

'glitzy celestial jewels'

there is something very restful about a good haiku, especially when it is well presented. this poem painted winter with a delicate touch and let us see its beauty while forgetting about the cold. fantastic.

[KAOlmsted]

I just moved from Alaska, so I totally get where you're coming from with this piece...it's so beautiful, when the air is still and cold and those stars are just...right there...but man was it COLD! It's almost as though what you're saying here in this haiku is exactly the way Winter feels...rather sorry for freezing you to death so, here, have some pretty stars to look at while you die *laugh* Exceptional write.

-kimmer

[Mary]

thanks so much, Kimmer. brrrr. and I only live in New England!

[KAOlmsted]

I grew up in Upstate New York...so I am well familiar with Winter ;-) You may have noticed I now live in Florida *laugh* And the read was my pleasure...really enjoyed it.