Lake Black

I wrote this piece of flash fiction for a writing challenge on another website I am joined to. I hope you enjoy

I stood at the edge of the boardwalk that floated just above Lake Black. Arms crossed, holding my sweater close to my body, shielding me from the icy breeze that whispered secrets into my ear. Secrets that no one else knew about this water. Secrets that only me and the lost souls the lake had devoured knew of. My eyes scanned the surrounding forest before they focused in, dead center of the lake. A small whirl pool had formed in the middle of the charcoal black water. The walkway began to vibrate, sending an uncomfortable tingling sensation throughout my body.

"Oh no..." I thought to myself. "No, how did I wake it up?"

My heart started to race as the whirlpool began to bubble. At that moment I knew it was close. I wanted so badly to run and escape this ancient creature but my feet remained planted on the boardwalk, I was frozen in fear. The creature was drawing nearer now, the water shifting every time it dove down to the bottom and back up. It was taunting me. I had become so focused on watching the water that I had no clue just how close it had gotten to me. With a loud bang, the boardwalk shook and I fell back.

 Screaming, I tried to regain my footing but every time I managed to stand  that ugly, evil thing hit the walkway harder and harder. 

At this point I was panicked, my eyes darted every which way they could see. It was minutes before  realized that the lake had become quite. Far too quiet for my comfort. I crawled along the boardwalk and as I approached the edge I peered over and down into the water, hoping to at least be able to feel or hear where this monster was hiding. 

I pressed my ear against the damp and warped wood, listening intently. 

"Where in the hell did it go?" I whispered. 

No sooner did the last word slip out of my mouth I heard a sickening crack from behind me. Before I knew it I was falling. As I hit the water it felt like a thousand needles were being jabbed into my skin over and over. I continued to fall deeper into the abyss that the towns people called a lake. I saw the beings red scales in flashes as it circled around me, dragging me down to the bottom. Just as I thought I was a goner, I felt two strong hands grab hold of my arms and hoist me out of the water and into their canoe. 

"Hey there, girl, are you okay?" said the man with hair so black it shined blue. 

"I... I ... it tried to kill me. Its in there I know it, just look! Please, its gonna kill me!"

"Woah there sister, its okay. Theres nothing there."

"No, please just look, the water panther its in there, it killed the rest of them and it tried to get me too!"

"Shh, settle down now. You just fell, seems the board walk finally gave way. Good thing I got here in time,  or else you woulda been a goner for sure."

I lay there, shaking my head from side to side. My chest heaving up and down. My eyes widen as I see the red scales of the water panther peak over the top of the water. 

"It... its back... no please we need to go..."

"What are you talking about now, theres nothing th-"

I shrieked as it shot up out of the water, wrapping its tail around the canoe, choking it until it snapped. The water panther devoured the poor man who saved me. Tears streaming down my face I kicked my legs  and flailed my arms. Slowly approaching the edge of the lake I grabbed a branch hanging down from the old oak tree and pulled myself up. I turned back one last time to water panther slithering down into the lake leaving nothing behind but rippled water. 

I let out a whimper as I mourned for my savior, as I realized the town would never believe what really happened that day. But you believe me dont you? Youve read my story, now listen to my warning. NEVER, go to Lake Black... if you do, you may not be met with the same fortune as I. 

Reviews

[matrixmark]

Nice build up of tension from the beginning. Always to have a hook from the off. It certainly was an intriguing read but i do feel that it can be followed up with a story rather than leaving it like it is.
There are things whichbi would have added BUT you have a solid foundation to work from, if you continue with this piece.

Mark.

[Brian F. Lockard]

I'm NEVER going to Lake Black. Thanks for the heads up. But I WILL be going back to your writing. Great use of language IMO. Keep it up.

-Brian

[McKenzie J Chatterton]

Thank you so much for your kind comment, I am so happy you enjoyed the story!