My Experience As Korean Idol Hopeful

My personal account of being a korean idol hopeful. My accounts of my audition experiences and interactions with industry professionals. Also, a bit about my personal journey during that time

Where do I start? When I was about fourteen years old I discovered a musical genre called Korean Pop. Within the first few minutes of my very first Korean music video I was infatuated. It didnt take long before I felt I needed to be a part of this whimsical and foreign industry. 

I went to my parents and expressed my desire to be in the entertainment industry. After weeks of convincing them that I would work as hard as I could I was allowed to start vocal lessons. As I walked into my first ever vocal lesson at a local studio I was nervous to say the least. My heart felt like it was in my throat and my stomach was in knots. I had never sung in front of a professional before and I was terrified that I would bomb. A short time after arriving I was greeted by a friendly woman who well call Sarah. My anxiety eased up a bit as I adjusted to my surroundings. I was initially asked to match pitches that Sarah played on the piano to see what my range was like. As this exercise began, I didnt expect to have any range at all. After I hit the first few notes, Sarah kept going higher on the scale and I kept hitting the notes. To my utter shock, I found out that day that I was whats called a "Super Soprano". I was able to hit most of the high pitches and had a twelve key / four octave range overall. When my first lesson was over I walked out feeling more confident in my ability to actually be a good singer. 

A year or so after my first vocal lesson, I was beginning to prepare for my first audition in the Korean Music Industry. I had been practicing my lyrics and performance for a little over a month when I signed up for a JYP Entertainment open audition for foreign talent. I was beyond excited and my nerves were overwhelming. Luckily, I had the support of my Dad, who was more than happy to assist me in any way needed to make my auditions as successful as possible. 

Now, its important to note that, as I said before, I quickly became infatuated with Korean Pop and their idols. I was in love with the images that these stars put out to the world. I was determined to be just like the female idols that I... well, idolized. I studied every detail about the female idols. How they dressed, how they acted, how they sang, everything. So, a few weeks before my audition, I went out and got black hair dye, cut my hair, got bangs and channeled my inner Girls' Generation to put together the best idol outfit I could. 

The days went by slow as I anticipated my first chance at stardom. But, alas, the day had come. I woke promptly at 4:30 am, dolled myself up and headed for the train station with my Dad to catch our ride to New York City. During the two hour ride to Manhattan, I pestered my Dad with K-pop facts and with nothing less than utter enthusiasm, I pondered what it would be like if I passed this audition. 

Some time had passed and I realized that the train was pulling in to Grand Central Station. The doors creaked open and no less than sixty people rushed for the exit. When I was finally able to push my way through the crowd and step onto the concrete, it hit me. That even though this was not my first time in the Big Apple, this was my first time here for business. My first time here with a goal other than scoring the hottest sales on clothes and makeup. I breathed in the thick air as I started toward my desitination. Not long after, I approached an intimidating looking building with at least four hundred people standing in a crooked line. I hesitantly went over and took my place in line, instantly feeling out of place as I noticed I was the only white chick there. My nerves built rapidly as I began to get sized up by my competition. Despite that, my Dad was right by my side to encourage me and bring me back to reality. He reminded me of how hard I worked and that I WAS good enough to be there. 

The line moved along with the speed of a drunk snail. But alas, I did get called in with a group of about thirty other people. We were taken to a waiting room where we were met by the manager of the JYPs owner. I was pleasantly surprised when she offered to answer questions and eased our nerves with a warm smile and welcoming attitude. An hour or so later we were then broken up into groups of between eight and ten people. We got ushered into a tiny, cramped room where three judges were set up at a small table with our applications set in front of them. I sat down in one of the chairs expecting to wait even more. But, because it was ME, I ended up getting called first. Can you imagine that? I was the first of my group to audition during my first audition EVER. Needless to say, the pressure made my anxiety sky rocket. 

I stepped onto the marker and faced the judges. After the normal formalities of "Whats your name?" "Why are you auditioning?" "Can you dance too?", I was given the go ahead to sing. I took a deep breath and began the chorus of "Love Like Oxygen" by SHINee. In my head I sounded loud and confident, but in my ears, I sounded sheepish and unsure of myself. My hands were shaking, my voice trembled and I bombed. My worst fear was not a reality. I failed my first audition. After we were released and let out of the building I made my way to find my Dad, tears streaming down my face. In that moment, which I think almost everyone has gone through after their first failed attempt, I wanted to throw in the towel. 

Following my first audition, I went back to singing lessons and searched feverishly for another opportunity. I was not going to fail, I was not going to go down that easily. Needless to say really, I found another audition. When I saw the words "SM Entertainment Global Audition NYC" my heart soared. S.M. Entertainment was my dream company. The company that the majority of people I idolized were signed under. To make a long story short, I made it past the paper application, video audition, and I was cut during the live auditions. Once again, I had failed. 

My second failed attempt had sent me into a state of near obsession. I HAD to make it, I HAD to be good enough and I HAD to throw myself into that lifestyle. I studied, I watched and replayed videos of my favorite performers countless times. I locked myself in the basement for hours on end practicing my vocals and dance routines. I distinctly remember rehearsing the songs "Hello" by SHINee, "Genie" by Girls' Generation and the dance routine to "Lucifer" by SHINee. Funny, all three are starkly different songs with unique sounds and styles. 

The anecdote above makes me think of just how much I was lost during that time. This part of my journey starts to become quite blurry, as my memory of the timeline and exact events are almost impossible for me to recall exactly. I didnt know who I was, and I was grasping at pieces of other people and gluing them together to make a version of myself I could be happy with. 

Author's Note

ignore grammar issues those will be fixed when piece is finished. Overall feedback wanted