He Should Feel What I Feel

~ ~ ~
Leaning by the window one morning
blankly staring down the lane
deep in ponder
waking up
fresh brewed coffee
steaming hot ...
when suddenly I saw it
but through the rain
my vision wasn't clear
So
with eyes blinking
I stepped closer
and wiped condensation from the pane
Nose pressed to the cold damp glass
brought a shocking apparition
from the past ...
it struck an arrow through my heart
with ghostly pain
Coffee splashed upon the floor
as I hastened toward the door
a pound
like clapping thunder
in my chest
fumbled blindly at the lock
slid it back
turned the knob
raw desperation
put sagging hinges to the test
racing frantic through the rain
wildly screaming out her name
tires spun
as drunken driver sped away
There I sobbed
upon the ground
hands gripping mud and nearly drowned
naught before me
but a memory
gone insane
~ ~ ~

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'He Should Feel what I Feel'
McEltic,
Who knows the intricacy of memory better than what ties up the soul, the heart. My goodness we are simple in our desire to love but complex too. The effects of the mind of memory and the love once known. Your use of misty veil fogginess to show the curtain of sadness wishing for the reality of yesterday was clear in this poem. I sat and wished a happy ending for the moments lived through this piece. Beautifully written.
Kathy

[Sarah Wilson]

Wow! The picture of the early morning sucks you into the scene, then you can feel the panic and finally the sorrow. I litterally got choked up! This has such easy flow and rythm which i think is great for getting the emotions right to the reader! Wonderfully done.

[barleygirl]

This is brilliant! I was transfixed from start to finish with nary a bump in the intense flow. You hit the magic balance of using the perfect amount of detail to make things vivid, but not so much description as to detract from the compelling pace. I didn't see a single word out of place. Each detailed movement is totally realistic & sharply imagined by the reader. The best writers are excellent observers & here you show the results of amazing attention to detail. Bravo! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[McEltic]

Thank you Margie... i guess i was trying to keep readers interest long enough to get the point across

[Relic]

I assume this would be thought of as a post-traumatic stress event. This is scary as hell to think about. To lose someone in such a way must bring terror to the remaining family. I can feel the strong emotions attached to this.

When you read a poem like this you wonder if the writer really experienced it. I hope this hasn't happened to you? Great writing.

[McEltic]

It happened to a guy i worked with. His daughter walked out to the road to get the mail where she was struck and killed by a driver under the influence.

[Relic]

Horrible. I'm sorry to hear that.