Humanity Is At It's Finest.

When did single become a death sentence?

Who would've thought a heart could be so sharp?

Time was ticking,

and you were counting down.

Licking w****s.

Making your way around.

In the depths of desire,

emotions set on fire.

The world shifted.

Your heart changed.

Sanity danced,

on the brink of insane.

Darkness closed in.

By the light we were shunned.

What once was a game,

no longer was fun.

I held it.

But you fired the gun.

Beautiful blood poured from my head.

You didn't kiss me good night,

when you put me on my death bed.

"forever.."

You LIED.

This shadow of murder

is called suicide.

Reviews

[Devons]

This is like 'the last post' in the battle between monogamy and polygamy. It seems to me to show the transition from youth to maturity, naivete to experience..
"What once was a game,
no longer was fun.
I held it.
But you fired the gun."
..Subtle and forceful lines, which reflect the concept of playing and over-stepping the mark. To the point where it hurts. And then the difference is learned. But if the game is big enough, the realisation of its danger is a lesson which is learned too late, and can end fatally - metaphorical or otherwise.
There is a bitter brutality in the words and imagery of this poem that has a profound effect. And the conclusion is dramatic in this way..
""forever.."
You LIED.
This shadow of murder
is called suicide."
These last two lines are proverbial. We do it to ourselves...with the help of others..
Powerful piece of work.

[Angel's Lady]

Oh snap! I can so relate to this! Nicely written, you captured the essence of heartbreak! Forever...yep, yep, yep.

Love it! Favorites!

[Michael Wootton]

this was very interesting indeed, very dark, very powerful, very serious. i say well done :)

[Forever Fallen]

This is an amazing poem! You're a great writer. :D

[J.N.R.]

holy s**t i like this :) i agree it was a fast read but it was good. nice work. :)

[Anthony M Smith Jr]

Nice poem. Starts you fast and ends fast!
Life and Light!
TT-TTO-NI-K
Elk

[Marlena]

Hmm...I liked it.

I liked the way you formatted this, but that one part "You LIED", I don't think "lied" should be bold, plus, too many exclamation points can be really annoying >.< Otherwise though, I thought this was pretty good. Nice work :)

[Nina Kari]

This is a very powerful write. The imagry is astounding! Great work! I now have to read more of your work! :D

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is a very disturbing depiction of unrequited love. The fact that I felt such emotion is a testament to the feelings you sought out to capture. I was totally helpless as I watched this person make good on their intentions. This story was very sad, but beautifully told. It is poetic fine art. I loved it..however dark it may be.

[ShaneBerry]

very deep and dark! a realists look at the strange thing it is to take ones own life, i liked this very very very much!!!!!!!