Humanity Is At It's Finest.

When did single become a death sentence?

Who would've thought a heart could be so sharp?

Time was ticking,

and you were counting down.

Licking w****s.

Making your way around.

In the depths of desire,

emotions set on fire.

The world shifted.

Your heart changed.

Sanity danced,

on the brink of insane.

Darkness closed in.

By the light we were shunned.

What once was a game,

no longer was fun.

I held it.

But you fired the gun.

Beautiful blood poured from my head.

You didn't kiss me good night,

when you put me on my death bed.

"forever.."

You LIED.

This shadow of murder

is called suicide.

Reviews

[Devons]

This is like 'the last post' in the battle between monogamy and polygamy. It seems to me to show the transition from youth to maturity, naivete to experience..
"What once was a game,
no longer was fun.
I held it.
But you fired the gun."
..Subtle and forceful lines, which reflect the concept of playing and over-stepping the mark. To the point where it hurts. And then the difference is learned. But if the game is big enough, the realisation of its danger is a lesson which is learned too late, and can end fatally - metaphorical or otherwise.
There is a bitter brutality in the words and imagery of this poem that has a profound effect. And the conclusion is dramatic in this way..
""forever.."
You LIED.
This shadow of murder
is called suicide."
These last two lines are proverbial. We do it to ourselves...with the help of others..
Powerful piece of work.

[r]

Oh WOW this is AMAZING!! I love the way it flows, and it REALLY caught my attention. I was submerged in it from the first line, and in love it, too. I love this poem, and it's just stunning.

[Molafvt]

I can't agree with Jenn more, when she says, you "created a wholly unique piece of "f**k you" poetry. From the way I understand this, your lover killed herself-(suicide), when she cheated on you and wound up "killing" you in the process. The perfect suicidal homicide.........! Great write, not trite and totally out of sight.

[Cassiopia Summers]

A poem of suicide, yet it is absolutely brilliant. I love it.

[Mai Aliza]

Whoa! This is one of those "I can't describe how much i love this poem" poems. Very intense. I liked the sort of weird rhyming scheme you had going on. Also the poem ended perfectly because often in most poems I read, the ending of the poem isnt' quite right.....but your poem was perfect. Just exceptional work...exceptional.

[Inci]

nice flow.. well written

[heich]

the first line made it perfect..

[Senseless whatever]

Strong write. An important perspective of depression and how it can effect one's thinking. The form and words you used are simple and still cutting.

[Chelsea.]

Wonderful imagery ! This really shows how painful a break-up can be/feel. I also agree with jenniewren below. It has created a unique piece of "f**k you" poetry. :)

[An owl on the moon]

You fill your scene with that overwhelming sense of despair.. of the horror that comes from the rejection or fury of another. So powerful and painful to read.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

that opening line is WICKED!!! it grips your attention immediately.

i like this write. it feels twisted and dark.. and somehow sexy amidst the anger. i tend to squidge away from rhyme as a whole, but you've wielded the weapon well here, and created a wholly unique piece of "f**k you" poetry. love it