Humanity Is At It's Finest.

When did single become a death sentence?

Who would've thought a heart could be so sharp?

Time was ticking,

and you were counting down.

Licking w****s.

Making your way around.

In the depths of desire,

emotions set on fire.

The world shifted.

Your heart changed.

Sanity danced,

on the brink of insane.

Darkness closed in.

By the light we were shunned.

What once was a game,

no longer was fun.

I held it.

But you fired the gun.

Beautiful blood poured from my head.

You didn't kiss me good night,

when you put me on my death bed.

"forever.."

You LIED.

This shadow of murder

is called suicide.

Reviews

[Devons]

This is like 'the last post' in the battle between monogamy and polygamy. It seems to me to show the transition from youth to maturity, naivete to experience..
"What once was a game,
no longer was fun.
I held it.
But you fired the gun."
..Subtle and forceful lines, which reflect the concept of playing and over-stepping the mark. To the point where it hurts. And then the difference is learned. But if the game is big enough, the realisation of its danger is a lesson which is learned too late, and can end fatally - metaphorical or otherwise.
There is a bitter brutality in the words and imagery of this poem that has a profound effect. And the conclusion is dramatic in this way..
""forever.."
You LIED.
This shadow of murder
is called suicide."
These last two lines are proverbial. We do it to ourselves...with the help of others..
Powerful piece of work.

[Amy Bumpas]

WOW! What a strong, powerful write, and you can really get
a good visual of this.

[Jong Schrijver]

Interesting way to look at suicide. It's a well written and sad poem

[Mr. Revan]

first, interesting poem. a very fine piece.

2nd, being single i not a death sentence. of course you don't "have" that guy or gal next to ya that loves ya, but you have your friends, and you have yourself. being single, you have all the time in the world to yourself. pursue your dreams, like a job, traveling, designing, whatever you enjoy. Sometimes a relationship isn't necessarily needed. sometimes its better without one. In these times at least. But if you ever fall into the perfect love, don't neglect it

[Poeticpiers]

interesting slant on suicide or the reasons for suicide.
Life is full of heartbreaks but none of them reason to just give up.

[The Morbid The Merrier]

This was beautiful. I loved how each act he did slowly escalated to a deeper and worser point, plus the aftermath and reactions of said actions that came with it, for example:

"The world shifted.
Your heart changed."

Very nice. I also admire how you never said what happened to the person (The POV's) up front, but simply described the act and then in the end said it.

Anywho, this was an incredibly lovely read, I adore it very much. Keep on writing :3

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Well written poem, packs a punch. Some great lines.
It seems like a love gone bad ... and a couple gone insane ... in my mind in that split second the mind of a person killing themselves becomes insane.
I am not sure if the meaning is metaphorical or literal, the line" This shadow of murder
is called suicide." Either way, the poem is edgy and powerful.

Chloe

[Manda]

Holly Crap! This was amazing! I freaking loved this! It was so creative! So powerful! The ending hit me by surprise but it was perfect! I just loved this! Well done indeed!

[Liza]

the description threw me off...when did single become a death sentence?
i may not be catching what is in between the lines
dark but insightful write

[Jonathan]

Awesome Write. Love the concept.