Humanity Is At It's Finest.

When did single become a death sentence?

Who would've thought a heart could be so sharp?

Time was ticking,

and you were counting down.

Licking w****s.

Making your way around.

In the depths of desire,

emotions set on fire.

The world shifted.

Your heart changed.

Sanity danced,

on the brink of insane.

Darkness closed in.

By the light we were shunned.

What once was a game,

no longer was fun.

I held it.

But you fired the gun.

Beautiful blood poured from my head.

You didn't kiss me good night,

when you put me on my death bed.

"forever.."

You LIED.

This shadow of murder

is called suicide.

Reviews

[Devons]

This is like 'the last post' in the battle between monogamy and polygamy. It seems to me to show the transition from youth to maturity, naivete to experience..
"What once was a game,
no longer was fun.
I held it.
But you fired the gun."
..Subtle and forceful lines, which reflect the concept of playing and over-stepping the mark. To the point where it hurts. And then the difference is learned. But if the game is big enough, the realisation of its danger is a lesson which is learned too late, and can end fatally - metaphorical or otherwise.
There is a bitter brutality in the words and imagery of this poem that has a profound effect. And the conclusion is dramatic in this way..
""forever.."
You LIED.
This shadow of murder
is called suicide."
These last two lines are proverbial. We do it to ourselves...with the help of others..
Powerful piece of work.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

You certainly grabbed my attention with this poem… especially the ending… we should never judge our worth on if we have a special someone or not.

[Satchmo's Gal]

Wow. I didn't like the ending but the rest was fantastic.

[Calypso]

I liked this.

[J.A.N]

Every word, so powerful.
Beautifully written and
the darkness, the betrayal throughout
was interesting, captivating.

great write.
-j

[Art Sun]

so many views of thought within this poem...and it leaves the reader to sift through all the emotion, the shadowy conclusions, and the smoke screen of a life and death scenario ...

interestingly expressed poetry...

nice...

[Sunflower 20]

wow, i could almost hear the gun shot. seriously was not expecting that ending!
great job!
:)

[Su' Nacnetaf]

woah, a lot of feeling in this, it certainly is a great poem, I loved your writing style. Excellent writing.

[jazmin]

ohmygod.... this seriously rattled my bones. That was deep I loved it!!!

[Zackery Alan Daley]

This is the exact opposite of what my contest is. A Capella Contest? However this is a great write other than you submitted it to a contest you cannot contend in.

[Alice.Valkyrie]

Wow. Angry, accusing, brilliant!