Scared

This is where things get a lot more messed up, and harder to explain, I don't even know where to start, I guess I should start with when I got home that night�
"Allie." Mike said as he walked into my room.
"What is it Mike?" I had not been acting like a good big sister, and it was time for that to change. He needed me, I had to stop hiding and stop acting like I was six. I had to be strong, breaking point or not, I couldn't act like I had one, not around Mickey.
"He's out, mom just got off the phone with the police, he's free." He looked scared.
"Where's Abby?" I asked, thinking quickly.
"The playroom." he said
"Go get her, bring her back here. Lock the door behind you and don't open it until I get back, ok?" I know this was bring back that horrible memory for him, it was for me to. At least it was a different house.
"OK?" He was confused but he knew I wouldn't let anything happen to him and that I was trying to protect him, so he did as I said. While he was gone to get Abby, I ran downstairs into the kitchen to talk to mom.
"Mrs. Tanner." I said, I couldn't call her mom, she wasn't my mother, just some woman I was forced to live with.
"What do you want Allison?" she said annoyed.
"Where is he staying?" I said, I could tell by the look on her face that she knew just who I was talking about, the part of me who had always thought she loved me, thought I saw a faint worried look, than I realized it was just because she saw the community watch car drive past. "Here?"
"Not tonight. Unfortunately, we have to take this slowly." she said giving me a glare.
"They won't believe your, act. Not when I tell the girls the truth." I said feeling bad for her.
"They won't believe you over me!" she sounded so sure of herself.
"They did before." I hoped she would sit down and really think about this, and realize, that she was making a mistake. "Mom, please. You are better than this, I know you are. Mickey and me are your kids, if we can see dad for who he truly is, so can you. Please, for Mickey." I couldn't just let go. Not after seventeen years of thinking that she loved me somewhere deep down inside. She had to be better than this, where else could Mickey and me get it from.
"Mickey is just like his father�."
"No! He's not! Mom please!"
"�you are just a mistake that should of never happened! If I could I would kill you right now." she said as if I hadn't even said anything, I couldn't believe that was happening.
"No you wouldn't, your not that evil! Please mom! Think how you were before you met dad, and how you are now! Look at what he's done to you! Please, it's not to late, you can end this!"
"Go upstairs, Allison, and do not talk to your siblings unless you are saying good things about your father."
"I'm not doing that! They need me! If you aren't going to protect them, I will!" what had I been thinking begging her to come to her senses.
"They don't need protection from their father!!! He loves them, and believe it or not, he still loves love!"
"He loves us? Really? That's why he beat the crap out of me, and YOU! That's why he tried to rape me!" I liked her horrible acting job better.
"Stop lying Allison! You know he didn't try and rape you! And you know it was your fault he lost it that day! I don't know what you did, but it was your fault! It made his reach his breaking point! You caused him to loss it!"
"All these years, I told Mickey, that I was mad at you for not listening, that you were just scared, that was why you were acting that why! But the truth is you are just as bad as dad! I had so many changes to get in trouble with the law, I didn't, because Mike, and Abby need you. If I could sent you to jail now, and the kids wouldn't have to live with dad, I would! You are so horrible! I stood up for you when my friends said crap about you, they were right! I HATE YOU!" A part of me had always wanted to say that. Most of me, thought it was just out of anger, but it was such powerful hate that was running though my veins, there was not any love in her for me, and none in me for her!
"Good! I was hoping one day you would open your eyes and see what was really going on here! Now tell your siblings to go back to their rooms." she seemed like I said I got an A on a test. I couldn't look at her anymore with out slapping her.

Mom went to "work" the next morning, she really went to see dad. See the truth was, she hadn't worked since he went to jail. She quite. She said it was to stay home, and protect us, incase dad somehow got out of jail. Truth was she is a lazy a*s. She had told everyone that she went back to work a year and a half ago, but she really went to a bar in the next town, sometimes she would have one night stands with some of the losers, which was when we were to tell everyone she had to work late. Yeah, she really loved my father. I think the one night stands were the nights when she was actually seeing dad for who he really was.
Mickey went to his friends house, Abby went to her play group, and I went to Jason's house. His dad was at the adoption agency, his mom was in the kitchen baking the kids and me cookies, Jason's dad told her about everything. Which was ok, if all else failed, at least they were on my side, I could tell they all cared about me, though, I still couldn't tell why. What had I done to make these people like me. I wasn't worth it. "I'm nothing special." I said to Jason as I asked him that question.
"Oh but you are. It takes a special kind of person stand up against an abusive father, and a witch of a mother. It takes a special person, to protect two little kids, and almost give her life for them, to beg a women who doesn't deserver anything from you, to snap out of her fancy, and protect her family, before it's to late. Allie, you are so special, even your parents know it, even if they don't show it, I mean your middle name is diamond, isn't?" I started crying at that, he had to be right. Mom picked my middle name, which meant that somewhere deep down, she had to of wanted me, didn't it? She had to love me some how. How could she carry me for nine months, and raise me for the last seventeen years, and not love me, even a little? It wasn't humanely possible, was it?
I told Jason about the fight last night incase you didn't notice. "Jason, I just did what any other big sister, and daughter would do, I don't want my family to fall apart, if for no other reason, than for the kids, they need mom. Even if she is horrible to me, they need a mother." I had to keep fighting her, to get her to see what she was doing, even if this time, I had to do just what she thinks I did last time.
"Don't you see Allie. You are special. Everyone knows that's what they should do, but a lot of people wouldn't have the strength to stand up and fight for what's right."
"I guess�." I didn't know what to think or how to act.
"Who wants chocolate chip cookies?" Mrs. Thomas asked as she walked into Jason's room, we had been laying down on his bed.
"Thanks Mrs. Thomas." I said as I reached for a cookie, it felt hot, soft, and sticky, you could see just from looking at that the chocolate chips had melted all the way. I took a bit and it tasted so sweet, warm, and exactly what I needed after everything that had happened that weekend.
"Your welcome sweetie." she said sweetly. "And you know you don't have to call me Mrs. Thomas, you can call me Mrs. Sara, Sara, Mom, your choose." she had a smile on her face as she said the last part.
"Did she do this with all your girlfriends?" I asked Jason with a laugh.
"No actually, she got mad when they called her anything other than Mrs. Thomas." He said looking shocked.
"I did not get mad at them, I just found it disrespectful how they tried calling me mom, when y'all had only been going out for a week! They tried moving way to fast!" she said annoyed. I eyeballed Jason wondering how his mom would react if she ever found out we had sleep together, than I got my answer thanks to Jason.
"Faster than Allie and me are? You just found we slept together and your letting her call you mom?" he asked.
"You told your mom?" I said barely able to hide how scared I was.
"You told your mom." He replied.
"I told her to make her shut up, and to prove a point, that she is a b***h who doesn't love her oldest daughter." I said kinda annoyed at how he was seeming to just laugh this off like it was nothing.
"Allie, sweetie its ok. I'm not happy and not approving of what y'all did, but I understand, and I can tell how much y'all love each other. It's not like most kids your age. They think they know what love is, y'all actually know. You have had so little in your life that you can see when it's real and when it's not, that's also why you second guess it so much. You want to know, before you put your heart on your sleeve, that there is less of a chance of it getting broken, even more. That's why I'm not going to yell and get mad that y'all had sex. But y'all need to be careful, and protected, if it is going to continue." she spent the next hour talking to us about sex, everything from birth control, to condoms, to std's and Aids. She wanted to be sure we stayed safe, rather we were sleeping with each other, or some random person off the street. I loved how she treated me like a daughter. By the end of the night, I was calling her mom.

School, what can I say about school? Well it was so boring, it was school, after all. So let's just skip to Monday afternoon, which was the first time I had seen my father out side of a court room, or a jail cell in two years. "Hey sweetie." he was standing next to my car, how he knew which one it was, I still don't know, unless mom told him.
"Get away. Now!" I was not in the mood to deal with this right now.
"Honey, how am I suppose to prove to you how sorry I am if you don't give me a chance?" he was a good actor, but something wouldn't let me believe him, no matter how much I wanted to, just like with mom. No matter how many times she said she hated me, a part of me wouldn't give up on her, no matter how much I wanted to.
"By doing as I ask, and staying away from Mickey, Abby, mom, and me!" I know, asking to stay away from mom, was tricky and dangerous, but I felt I had to, she is still my mother.
"I'm not staying away from y'all. I love y'all." I almost wanted to believe him, but I couldn't buy into his bull.
"No�.."
"Allie!" Jason yelled as he came running up behind me.
"Don't." I whispered into his ear so only he could hear me. I didn't want him to give dad a reason to come after him.
"Tomorrow, can I see your math book, I lost mine." he said as if he was just a classmate.
"Sure, um met me at my locker tomorrow and I'll give it to, just make sure I get it back before sixth." I said like nothing was up.
"No problem, thanks a lot." He said running off behind dad, but I know it was so he could read my expression, and come back in if I needed him.
"Who was that?" dad asked as if he had a right to know.
"Just some guy in my grade." I said really annoyed.
"Your mom tells me who have a boyfriend, where is he?" he asked looking around.
"We broke up." I lied
"Wasn't that guy the guy at the hearing with you?"
"Yeah, he's Madison's boyfriend, she was sick, so he came in her place." I lied again. I didn't want his asking questions about Maddie or Jason, so for all dad knew, they were going out.
"Really?" he asked surprised.
"Really. Now leave. I don't want to explain why the father I never talk about, and act like is dead, is at my school." I said glaring at him, I couldn't have a fight in the school parking lot, with him. There was way to many people around for him to try anything, but he could follow me, and I wasn't going to be the one to lead straight to our new house.
"Honey, that's an awful thing to say!"
"Don't call me Honey, or sweetie. I'm not your daughter, if I was, you never would have done what you did!" I couldn't believe this!!! What was wrong with him?
"Give me a hug sweetie." he said wrapping his arms around me. I just tightened up, I got a flash of the last time he had held me like that, the last time I had felt his hands me, the pain, all the hurt, it all came rushing back to me. I tired to keep my face like I was just mad and annoyed, even though I wanted to cry.
All of the sudden I could feel his warm breath hit my ear, and hear him whisper "I'd be careful if I were you sweetie." I swallowed hard and tired to act like nothing was wrong as a chill went down my spine. Jason couldn't see what was happing. He had to stay away. It wasn't safe. I had to protect my family. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, not until her left.
"Don't threaten me." I said trying not to show any fear. If I showed fear he would have me right where he wanted me, I had to be stronger, and faster than him. I had to make him feel powerless.
"It's not a threat sweetie, it's a promise!" he whispered before finally letting me go. "I'll see you for dinner next week honey, court order." he said handing me a note. It was from the judge, it was a test, they had to see how dad treated us, and our reaction, they knew we would be untrusting, well we were suppose to be. "Bye baby." he hadn't called me baby, since I was five. He stopped calling me that when he started abusing me. It was the little things that were making me second guess myself. Than I thought of what he had just "Promised" me, and my guard was back up.
After dad had finally left, are at least we thought he had, Jason ran back over to me. "Sweetie, are you ok?" he asked giving me a huge. It was weird, the difference between hear dad call me sweetie, and having Jason say it. The difference between dad hugging me, and Jason hugging. They were miles from being the same. With Jason, I felt safe, loved, at like I was were I was suppose to be. With dad, I felt scared, worried, like something bad could happen at any moment. I wanted to cry when dad hugged me, but I couldn't. I didn't want to cry when Jason hugged me, but I did, and I couldn't stop. He took me to Tony's and we meet up with the girls.
"Allie, what's wrong?" Taylor asked when she saw me.
"What happened?" Kelly asked Jason.
"What did you do you low life scum!" Claire asked Jason.
"What's going on?" Dave asked when he saw everyone crowding around me.
"Guy's calm down!" Jason said, as he sat next to me. "Allie, baby, what did he say to you?" He asked me calmly.
"Who?!" Claire yelled suddenly. Only Jason looked annoyed, everyone else was wondering that same thing.
"My dad." I heard myself say, though I still don't know how.
"What?" T said looking at Kelly.
"Where????" Claire said looking the most shocked, so shocked it almost looked fake.
"SCHOOL!" Jason yelled. He wasn't in the mood for Claire's games. Neither was anyone else.
"Fine! I'm going to go get a taco!" Claire yelled, and started to storm out.
"Claire." I said with a sigh. I had, had my face in my hands. "Can you get me one?" I asked quietly.
"What?" the others all said together.
"I haven't eaten all day! I'm hungry! If I don't eat soon I won't live to see whatever it is dad is threatening to do to me, and you know what, I don't really care! I am sick and tired of him playing these games! If I act like it bothers me, than he will win. So Claire what do you say?"
"Do you want that hard or soft?"
"Soft."
"How many?"
"I don't care! I just want a damn taco!" I yelled annoyed.
"Fine!" she said as she threw her hands up in the air. She turned around and started to walk out when the most amazing thing happened.
"Hey honey can you get me one too?" Bob suddenly asked Claire.
"Your not coming?" She asked looking really sad.
"No, I'm going to stay here." he said sitting back.
"He�" Kelly started to say but couldn't find the words, none of us could. We all looked at Bob in surprise. I know I said I saw him talk at Jason's birthday party but it was different hearing it, than just seeing his mouth moving, from across a crowed yard. I had almost thought I dreamed it.
"He talks?" Sara, a girl in our grade, said as she walked past. She looked as surprised as the rest of us. It took her a minute but she was finally able to pick up her feet and walk over to her friends where you could tell she was telling her friends, who obviously didn't believe her what had just happened.
"What?" he asked after we had all been staring at him for a minute. It seemed unnatural, I was scared to ask aloud the question that came to mind. What could happen next to make my life turn even more upside down?