Week of CourtA Chapter by Morgan
So the next week went ok. I guess. Expect for the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about that Saturday, or last. Last Saturday was so much fun. I mean, I wish I could've hung out longer with Jas but I did at least get to see him and give him his gift, and if I had gotten busted that would have been the end of what little we already got to see each other because what I didn't tell Jas is that when my dad got arrested my mom pulled me and Mickey out of school and home schooled us. So I know I said he got arrested two years ago, but this stuff had been happening a lot longer. The first time he ever hit me, and I mean more that a child should ever be hit by an adult, was when I was six. Of course the school did that whole little speech they give about child abuse but I didn't think about it. I knew I had burses after dad hit me but I didn't think he was abusing me. I mean what little six year wants to think their hero is purposely doing something to hurt them?
At first when dad would hit me he would say sorry and start crying and tell me not to tell mom, so I forgave and forgot. Then he did it again, a little harder, and again, and again. Each time he hit me it was harder than the first. Then when mom was pageant with Mickey he would hit more for no reason, at first it was only when I did something I knew I wasn't suppose, so again I didn't think he was abusing me. Then when Mickey was crying and mom was at work dad would yell at me to "make that F*****g piece of s**t shut up" and when I didn't he would hit me. Then when Mickey was four dad tried to start hitting him but by than I realized he was abusing us, so I jumped in front of Mickey, and he would start beating me up. He did hit Mickey a few times but that's when I was at school or in another room as soon as I heard Mike yelling though I ran in and tried to stop dad. As we got older it got worst, more often, and yet mom still wouldn't listen. One day dad even hit us in front of her and she said it was an "accident." And this had been two months after I started telling her what was going on when she wasn't looking. Then about a week before dad got arrested he tried to Rape me, though to this day Dad and mom both say I'm lying, though why I would lie about something like that I don't know. It was horrible. Him and mom had just gotten into a fight about something, I wasn't listening to them I had my music turned up all the way, mom walked out and went driving around to cool off, and dad started drinking. He downed three cases in an hour. Then he came to my room and started yelling at me because my music was "to loud" When I walked past him to turn it off he grabbed me and pined me against the wall and started kissing my neck. He was way bigger than me and I couldn't push him off. He started to take my pants off when he heard the garage open. He jumped up and told me to get dressed and slammed my door shut and walked out. I didn't tell my mom till the next morning for two reasons, one I couldn't stop crying long enough to take a deep breath let long talk. I don't think I could've formed words if I tried. Two dad somehow got her to forgive him, and hopefully you can guess what they were doing. I wasn't going to interrupt to tell mom that with dad right next to her. I was just happy when he finally got arrested a week later. So let's talk about something happy now, at least before we get to the court case which I knew you all dying to hear about. Did I tell y'all what happened at the football game against Jackson? We won!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are out of the runt! Finally! Jason scored the first and the winning touchdown! My boyfriend is awesome! Ha, ha. Ok I guess the is enough of me bragging about my boyfriend and his talent. So at school that Monday everything was crappy. Monday morning I overslept because my alarm clock is crap, than I just barely was able to go to my locker and make it to class on time let alone say hey to Jas and the girls. Than I had completely forgot about a test in history because all I thought about Sunday was last and this coming Saturdays. So I failed that test horribly. Than we had a lab in chem., that I forgot about a wore flip flops so I got a zero on that. Than in English we got assigned a book report due on Monday worth two hundred points (because of dad I was going to get a zero). And finally in art I spilt paint on me and everywhere else. Luckily my picture was ok. It was of Jason at the party. Only happy thing that came to mind when the teacher asked us to draw a happy memory. Tuesday was a little bit better, I still had that coming Saturday on the brain but I was able not to fail every class. I got my alarm clock fixed and got to school on time to socialize, which is always nice and fun. We talked about what they did after school, I had homework and house to clean and kids to feed seeing how mom decided this week was the perfect week for a vacation. I wonder what would happen to Mike and Abby if I had never been born. Wednesday was ok. I guess. It was the middle of the week. Saturday was one day closer, I wish that day never had to come but if it didn't I would be in school forever, which I would've preferred to having to see my father. I got my grade on that art project from Monday, it was an 100. Apparently no matter how I felt I could always pass Art. Other than that is was a normal day with an awful weekend coming up. Thursday felt like it dragged on and on, but another important happened. Mom came home, did I tell y'all Jas came over everyday she was gone? Oh well he did. It was ok? We couldn't do much cause I had to make sure the kids did their homework, ate dinner, got ready for school, and went to bed. Well actually that was Mickey's to do list Abby's was to play, eat dinner, take bath, play, and go to sleep. Friday. What can I say? It was.Friday. I wanted to cry all day. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die! It seemed to fly by. My alarm went off at six in the morning. Great day. Not! I got ready for school and left. As soon as I got there Jason was waiting on me. I got out of the car and fell into his arms. I just wanted to melt into him. I just wanted him to take me far, far away. Why couldn't we go to the cabin right then? "Baby, you ok?" he asked sweetly, and I know what your thinking "Of course she's not ok her dad maybe getting out tomorrow! How dumb are you?" but that's not how I felt about that question. To me, it seemed like he wanted to know everything I was thinking and wanted to get me talking because he knew it was the only way to make me feel somewhat better. "I'm fine I guess." I answered with a sigh. "No your not, what's wrong?" He was so sweet. He wasn't pressuring me to talk, because he knew I need to, he was letting me know if I needed to he would listen and help with what he could. I loved that he knew me so well. "Everything. My life story. Only thing that isn't crappy right now is you, and Claire and Tay and Kel. I need to get Claire and nickname!" I was about to cry and not because Claire didn't have a nickname. "Sweetie it's ok. You don't have to get her a nickname. Everything is ok. It's going to be ok. What's really bothering you because I know it's not Claire not having a nickname." "Tomorrow's Saturday Blaze. I should be happy right?" "No you shouldn't be. Everyone else you doesn't know what you are going though should." He always sounded like he truly cared and like he meant what he said, but how could he. He didn't know what it felt like to be in my shoes. No does, but Mickey. "Jason, can,can I ask you something?" I had, had something on my mind a lot lately and I had to hear it from him. I had to see if I could understand, or figure it out. "Go ahead sweetie." Normally you would of said "you just did' but I think he could tell how serious and upset I was. "How do you" I didn't know what was the best was to say this, "Do you love me?" I know it sounds insane but it wasn't. Not from where I was sitting. "Of course I do. What would make you think otherwise?" he asked. He's sweet, relaxing tone was replaced with a serious one. "I don't know" I said walking over a stair case and sat down. "It's justHow do you know?" Again insane but I promise it will get cleared up. I was crying by this point, not hard, but crying. "How do I" Jas was shocked to hear me talking like this but he was still sweet and kind and understanding. "How do I know I love you?" he asked and I just nodded in response. "How do I know I love you? A million ways, and reasons. When I look at you not only do I just see this beautiful girl, I feel butterflies inside my stomach. I don't feel I am good enough for you most days. Most my friends are crazy cause they can't see your beauty but it is there sweetie." So either my boyfriend was blinded by love or crazy cause the other guy's think I'm ugly, didn't make me feel better, or help "When we look into each other's eyes it's like you are looking inside of me. Baby, when you talk it is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. When we kiss, it's like nothing I've ever felt before. Sweetie I've had other girlfriends yes, and each one I felt something different for, but there was always some similarities. With you, there are none, this is different than anything I've ever felt before. Everyday I think I couldn't possible love you more than I do today, the next day I get up and I do. I love you more than the day before. "When we met, I felt something between us. I didn't know what it was. I never felt that way before. Then as I got to know you I realized how smart and funny and sweet you were, and after a week and a half of getting to know you, I knew I was in love. I just didn't know how to tell you. I was afraid I would make you think I was insane and you would run off. When I broke up with you because I thought you kissed David it killed me. I didn't see how I could live without you. I got that upset and didn't listen because I was jealous and upset. I thought I might be losing you to David. I didn't want to get my heart broken again like I did after my last girlfriend broke up with me. I broke up with you cause I was scared of losing you. I still am, but I realized I can't get along without you, so as long as you love me, I'm not holding back. I'm not going to leave like I did than. I'm not backing out. I love you with all my heart, and tomorrow, I will love you even more." I didn't know what to say or do. I was crying so hard. "I.I wanna say I love you too. I do but, I don't know. I don't know if it's because of the reason's you love me or if it's because your nothing, nothing like my father. You're the exact opposite." Making since yet? I loved him, I did, I had being thinking a lot about dad and I realized how different Jason was from dad. Is that why I loved him? Or did I just Love him, like I wanted? "Baby. Is that what this is all about?" I just nodded, it was getting harder and harder to form words. "Sweetie you are the only one who knows the answer to that question." he was still be so nice, it made me feel worst for asking, I wanted him to yell at me, I needed him to yell. "How do I answer a question I asked? I've been thinking about this all week Jas. I still don't know the answer. So how do I know if I love you for you or because you are not like my father?" "Listen to your heart. Think, the things you love about me, what are they?" "Everything. Your smile. Your laugh. The way that no matter how I feel or no matter how much I try and shut down you find away in a make me feel better when no one else can. The way you worry about me. The way you make Abby laugh and love you just for being in the room. The way you got Mike to open up and let you in and the way you got him to treat you as a friend when he won't anyone else. How I want to smile when I see you. How I can't stop thinking about you when I'm with you." I just kinda rolled my eyes and did a deep annoyed sigh as the next thought came to mind. "How your nothing like my father." "There's your answer." he said trying to hit a smile. "Why are you smiling? I just said because you are nothing like my father." "Yes but think of everything you said before that. Baby you may love that I'm different from him, as I'm sure anyone, including me, would be, but you love way more than just that." I though back to everything I named and everything else I felt that I couldn't fit into words and last of the last thing I named. Most of how I felt fit under the "nothing like dad" column but some of it, the little things, that mattered so much, fit under the "Love" column. I didn't love him because all the ways he was different, I loved him because he was him. I started smiling to. "I love you, because your, your." I just looked deep into his eyes and knew it was those eyes I wanted to look into for as long as I could "I love you for you. I love you." I said giving him a hug and getting out the last of the tears and was left with an overwhelming tiredness. "Allie!" Taylor yelled as I walked into science. "Guess what?!" "What is it Tay?" I said as I sat down next to Kelly at our table. "JESSE ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Could you tell how happy and excited she was. Did Kelly and me know.I mean did Taylor know how to pick them or what? Ha. "That's great!" I was really happy for her. It brightened my day just knowing that she was happy. I just wished it could have stayed that way. "You know I'm really happy you Jason worked everything out right? And I'm really sorry about e" "Taylor stop. It's over. Let's forget about last summer. It was a bust. Lets just worry about." I stopped as my mind wondered to tomorrow, "just worry about today." I finished after a minute. I'm sure they knew why I paused, but we silently agreed not to talk about, at least not until we had to. So all day I had been thinking about my talk with Jas. I had also been thinking about the fact that I had been wanted to wait to sleep with him till I knew we really loved each other. I also thought about how I couldn't got though the night, without him. He was the only one who could have made me feel ok enough to get though the night and the hearing, even if my mother hated it. So in Art we had to draw something or someone who meant the world to us. I drew Jason in the center with the girls, Mickey, and Abby around him. I couldn't not have them in the picture. They all meant the world to me. Just in different ways. I was starting to realize that there really is more than one kind of love. Yes love, is love, is love, but Love can be a little different depending on the person and the situation. "Jason!" I called after him the afternoon. I was just walking out of Art and he was going to his locker, the football game had been on Thursday so there wasn't one that night. It was kinda sad to think that the season was almost over. "Hey baby." He said as he turned around and saw it was me, but as I got closer he must have seen by the look on my face that something, big was on my mind, and it had nothing to do with my father. "You ok baby?" He asked looking puzzled. This look was one he hadn't seen before. "I'm fine." I said right before I started passionately kissing him on the lips. Then I started kissing his neck. "Not that I have a problem making out or anything but sweetie what's going on? You hardly let me kiss you in the hall now you trying to make out?" I stepped back, I knew why he was confused, but I was going off feeling and impulse, not logical thinking. "Blaze. Blaze, sweetie I need to be with you tonight." I said as calm as I could trying to keep my feels locked up as long as I could. I could feel my breath getting a little harder as I thought of what I needed and wanted. "Ok well we will find a way to hang out. Just tell your mom your spending the night at Claire's and stop by before hand and we can hang out." "No, Blaze, I don't want to just hang out for a while than leave." I said trying to be subtle, and keep my emotions locked up till we were alone. "Then what do you want to do?" Was he that dumb? He was the guy here surly he knew what I wanted to do. "Blaze I need to be with you tonight" "Ok so then what's wrong with my plan?" "Blaze, I need to be with you tonight, alone, just us." "That's why you are coming over before y." "I don't want to hang out with Claire or anyone else! Just me and you! Alone" how was he not catching on. You understand don't you? "Waitis this likethe cabin conversation we had on my birthday?" he was being really slow for some reason. Normally he would of caught on or at least I thought/hoped so. "Yes sweetie." I said really calm and kinda annoyed. I was finally ready and he was ruining the mood. "So you" he grabbed my arm and pulled me down an empty hallway. Most people had already left school. Once he was sure we were alone he started talking again. "So you are saying that you want to sleep with me?" he looked really serious. Why was he being such a kill joy? "No." I said with a sigh. "I don't want to sleep with you, Blaze." I could tell he looked hurt and disappointed. "I want to make love to you." I said looking him right in the eye. "You wanna" he took a deep breath and looked down at his feet "This is about your dad isn't it?" he sounded real serious. "What?! No! Blaze, this is about us. I love you and you love me. Why would you think this was about my, my father?" I didn't know what to think. He thought the only reason I wanted to make love was because of my dad. "Your dad maybe getting out of jail. Tomorrow will be the first time you've seen him, and all the sudden you decide you want to "make love"" ""Make Love?" That's how you want to say it? By using air quotes?" I was no longer in the mood I was just really pissed off. "Well you couldn't really want to.." "What? Jason what is wrong with you? I love you, so yes I want to make love to you! Wellactually I did before you decided it would be a good idea to give me the third degree and tell me I don't know how I feel!" "Think about it Allie, if your dad wasn't going to court today would you want to make love?" He was really, really pissing me off. "Yes! I've been wanted to since we got back together! I justafter our talk this morning I realize how much we both loved each other. That's what I had been waiting for." "Really?" "Yes, I love you. I now know that. I just questioned it because I." I didn't want to admit this, but I took a deep breath and just said it. "I was scared, I still am." "Scared of what?" he asked with a questioning look in his eyes. "Of us." I said weakly. "Of how fast I fell for you. Of how much I miss you when I'm not with you. You're my first boyfriend, I've never felt like this, I've never had the guy I liked feel the same way. I've never had anyone other than the girls care this much about me. I thought, it feels to good to be true." "Baby, why didn't you tell me you felt this way?" "Because, I didn't know how. I told you this morning because I needed to know, before tomorrow. But sweetie, I don't want to sleep with you because of that. I want to sleep with you because I love you. Tonight, rather we sleep together or not I need to be with you, I can't get threw tonight with out you." "Ok sweetie, I'll try and think of some way for us to be together, ok? We may still have to go with the staying with Claire excuse." He was starting to seem in a better mood, which was making me way less pissed off at him, which was good cause I didn't want to waste any extra energy being mad at someone when I needed it all saved up for Saturday. "OK, I will also be thinking. Text me if you come up with something." I said with a sigh as I gave him a big bear hug. "Back at ya sweetie." He said hugging me back than kissed the top of my head. So when I finally got home, I heard a lot of yelling coming from upstairs. I froze for a second, cause I had a flash back of dad yelling at me when I was little. Then when I snapped out of it I realized it was Mickey yelling at Abby, and I ran up the stairs as quickly as I possible could. "Mickey!" I yelled at him as soon as I got in the room. "What's going on? Where is momand up happened in here?" The room was trashed. We were in the play room. Abby was sitting in her little rocking chair crying and I sat on the floor and got her to come sit in my lap and just held her as I looked around and waited for Mike to answer me. "Mom left." He said sitting down on the couch that was on the other side of the room. "What do you mean left?" I said walking over to sit next to him. "She left. She said she couldn't just sit around here waiting to see if he was getting out or not. She said we were what he wanted, she might as well let him have us." "Mickey, you know I really don't like mom, but I can't see her saying a thing like that. Not to you or Abby. Me maybe, but not y'all. She probably just went to get some air. She'll be back before morning just like she always is." Mom had gone for drives before, just to cool off, and clear her head. Yelling, first at dad than at me, before she left. Never Mickey or Abby. Rather I liked to admit it or not she did love them. I couldn't see her being gone all night. Of course that also meant I wouldn't get to see Jason because I couldn't just leave them and I couldn't let Jas come here incase mom came home before morning, I really needed Jason though if mom left, especially that night. "No she won't. She's madder than she's ever been, before." Mickey was mad at her more for not believing us, but he forgave after she got dad to stop hitting me, basically she saved my life, and for Mickey, that was enough to forgive and forget. Me I had a harder time with that. Of course she didn't believe that he tried to rape me, even after she walked in with him beating me to death for no reason once so ever, but that's my life for you. "Mickey, this is the first time moms yelled at you in two years, of course she seemed madder than you've ever seen her. She use to take her anger out on dad, and now me, but she isn't like dad, don't worry. She just need to blow off stream every now and than, we all do, but she doesn't really have any friends, she pushed than all away when she needed them most, and so she has to blow up on one of us. Normally that's me, but I guess I didn't get home early enough tonight so she took it out on you. But she will be back, don't worry. She's not going to let dad near you or Abby, neither will I." I really wished I wasn't the oldest at times like these, that I had someone to tell me what I wanted and needed to hear when things at home got messed up. Jason was the closest I had, but I meant someone else who would look in Mickey and Abby's faces and carry the weight of the emotional baggage for this family on their shoulders, or at least spilt it with me. It was starting to get to heavy, for me to carry alone. That's why I needed Jason. "You sure?" he asked like he still didn't really believe me, or maybe he just needed to hear it one more time to believe it. "Yes Mickey, I'm sure." I said giving him and Abby a big huge. "Now what happened in her?" I asked again. "I got mad because mom left, I thought she wasn't coming back. I thought it was my fault. So I started throwing thing." he answered guiltily. "And what does Abby have to do with that?" I asked. "She walked in as I was throwing her Barbie dolls and she started yelling at me and I didn't want to hear it so I started yelling at her." "Mickey, tell her you're sorry, so will stop crying and then clean up in here and I will got get dinner started. Sound good?" I asked. I hated having to act like a parent at seventeen. I was an adult, even if I wasn't legally. When came to this house I was. This family would fall apart if not for me. I had been working on getting a scholarship but I didn't see me going very far any time soon. A couple hours later, Mickey told Abby he was sorry. Cleaned the play room. We fixed dinner and washed the dishes. During everything but dinner, Abby was playing, or helping Mike clean so she could play with out him moving everything around. I was on the phone with Jason while the kids where watching Finding Nemo. "So did you think of some way for us to get together?" he asked. "UmI don't think we will be able to. There's a little compilation in the plan." I said with a sigh than explained everything that had happened. "Ohwow.baby are you ok? Have you heard from her? How are the kids? Do you" He was so cute when he got worked up over this stuff, than again he doesn't go though this crap daily so I guess it's shocking that parents could be such low lives. Me, I'm use to it. I wish I knew how it was to have loving caring, normal parents, I at least wish Mickey and Abby did. "Jason, baby, everything, and everyone here is fine. The only thing I need it to find away to be with you tonight.That's it!" I had a sudden idea. "What's it?" he asked shocked at how I suddenly came to a idea, kinda randomly. I had been looking out my window when I saw Taylor pulling up from Cheerleading. "Hang on Jason, I'll call you right back." I said excitingly As I ran out of my room I yelled to Mickey on my way down the stairs, "Mike!! I'll be right outside, in Tay's front yard! Come get me if you need anything I shouldn't be there to long! Just need to ask her something!" So I know your wondering why I was going there and leaving a ten year old in charge of a four year old, but from my stand point that was an easier age than being eight taking care of a new born baby, like I had to do. "Tay!!!" I yelled across the street as I ran out of my house. She jerked around and saw me running. I think I had her freaking out, but I just needed an answer quickly. "Allie? What's the matter sweetie? Are the kids ok?" she looked really worried. "Yeah, their fine, well now" "Now?" I was talking a mile a minute and my head was moving two miles a minute. So I tried to slow down. I told her about my talks with Jason first. So she could understand my day, and understand what I was going to ask. "Wow, Allie that's a big step. Are you sure you're ready to have sex?" She was really considered, she thought we were moving to fast, I could tell it by the look in her eye. "Yes, don't worry. I know what I'm doing, and yes I'm ready. I'm sure. I've been thinking about it for a while. I just waited to be sure, and after this morning, I'm sure." "Ok well than what do you need from me cause it's obviously not to talk you out of it." "No it's not." Than I told her about mom and Mickey's flip out's. "Oh wow.." I told her about how I got everything calmed down and how I had been talking to Jason and than. "That's where you come it Tay" "How?" "I need you to see if the kids can stay here to night, or Kelly's or something. I need Jason to night. I know y'all would be there for me. I just, I need him." "Allie, it's ok. I understand." That's one of the many things that I loved about Tay. Even when she was upset, but you were happy, she acted like she was to. I had planed to talk to you about, later, but right then I just needed to see Jason. "Great, so you will ask?" "My parents won't let them stay just so you could have sex with your boyfriend." "Ok, so say that, mom went to work tonight since she's talking tomorrow off, and I'm to upset, to watch the kid's tonight and just want to be alone." I was getting to good at that. "Yeah, I guess they would go for that" I could tell she wasn't really sure about this, that she didn't want to do it. But this wasn't about her, this was bout Jason and me, and what we wanted. I wanted to be alone, with my boyfriend. I hadn't been alone with him since mom said I couldn't see him anymore, and as you can tell I didn't listen. I only text him when she was around. After every text I erased it, so she wouldn't see it. She had started checking my phone. It was so annoying. "Thank you Taylor. This means a lot to me." I was so happy, which was good cause I had no idea if I would ever be happy again after Saturday. So Taylor asked her parents and as soon as she got the ok, I packed up the kids and sent them over there. Mickey didn't want to leave me alone, but he went when I told him I was sending them there so that I could talk to mom, I also told him that he needed to act like mom was just working tonight because she took off tomorrow, that Taylor knew the truth if he needed someone to talk to. I know, I'm an awful big sister, that night, they needed me, and all I could think about, was Jason. He parked his car at the park and came over at like mid-night. And he came in though the back door. It was in hopes that Taylor's parents wouldn't see him. Hopefully neither did any of the other neighbors. "Hey baby." He said as he walked in. I ran and jumped into his arms. I stared kissing him even more passionately than I had at school, which I didn't know was possible, maybe it just felt that way cause he was kissing back and not trying to fight it anymore. "Hey Blaze." I said finally. "Come on let's go upstairs." I said as I locked the back door. I had already locked up the rest of the house. "So where does your parents think you are?" I asked "At Todd's house." he said. "And Todd thinks your....?" "Here." Ok so Kelly would hear about this from two people, and Claire probably would to. The girls had all gotten to be good friends, which made my life a little easier. "Ok, well, what do you want to do?" I asked as he sat on my bed, and outta habit I shut my door. I kinda wish I had locked it "Why don't we do this" he said right before we started making out. It was so nice. It felt like my life was perfect. That Saturday, was never going to happen, that everything bad that had happened in my life had never happened. I felt like my life couldn't get any better. I felt his hands rub up my leg. I had been wearing the shortest pair of shorts I owned, and a tank top. Then I felt his hands go up under my shirt. Next thing I knew my shirt was hitting the floor. I ran my hands though his hair. Then I ran them up his back, under his shirt, then I pulled it off. I felt his hands rub my back as he kissed my neck. Then I felt my bra slid off. It feel so natural and right. Like it was meant to be. I wanted to be with him. I laid my head on my pillow and he got on top of me and started kissing down my stomach. I'm going to not going to go into any more detail after that. I don't want to give it all away. It's way to personal. Than again y'all already know my whole life story so far, but I would still like some things to be privet. But I will tell you that we did make. And it was amazing. © 2009 MorganReviews
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4 Reviews Added on October 24, 2009 Last Updated on October 24, 2009 AuthorMorganALAboutI love to read, when i am bored i write story's, sometimes songs. I love watching tv. I don't have a big group of friends but the ones that do have i am very close with, and i have a really cute puppy.. more..Writing
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